the birth of Venus (a prelude)

Wednesday, Sep 24th, 2008 – Instead of thinking about everyone else’s needs, put yourself first for a change. This is not about being unconsciously selfish. It’s about acknowledging that love of others begins with developing your self-esteem. If you don’t take adequate care of yourself, then you won’t have very much to give anyone else.

Of course, this is true all year round, not just on my birthday. But since today’s my birthday week, & I’ve been getting early greetings since last week, let’s up the ante on that, shall we?

So I’ve been trying to get a few special things for myself, like extensive Balinese massages & foot baths, a pot of anti-wrinkle night cream LOL, new tarot decks (yes, I already have the Manga by Selena Lin, Magical Forest, & Mystical Faerie), a new eco-friendly water bottle for work, new flip-flops for my tai chi & yoga classes, an appointment to a pricey hairdresser in order to save my damaged locks, then tomorrow I will make time for my meditation (my first ever guided class after a long time) before going home. Sounds pretty low-key, but it’s a good way to go easy on cocktails (though I can actually do after the haircut next week LOL). I’m also getting new Venetian blinds for my room, & clearing my schedule of unwarranted schmoozing. So far, I’m enjoying more time for sleeping this month, but yesterday I was too tired to actually show up for tai chi class that I dozed off right after rearranging my other tarot decks that I left in my locker at work, & good thing I was able to take off my white woven sandals just before another downpour ensued on my way home. I really hate getting my feet wet, though, when I’m tired. I’m thinking of taking rainy-day pictures to add to my so-called outdated portfolio, but oh, please, God, let me have more energy to actually do so!

Today, I should be talking about aromatherapeutic massages, but I might as well put that thought on hold as I still have work to do. Anyway, I have a long weekend to enjoy, so…

pre-birthday daze

So all I’ve been doing when I’m at home is sleep, if not Plurk or or play Warbook or try to catch Food Lover’s Guide To The Planet on the National Geographic channel. I don’t feel well at all lately, but it’s just probably from the flu shot I had at work plus PMS. I just don’t like having low blood pressure & hot flashes & a runny nose & an upset stomach ALL AT THE SAME TIME. But this is what this last Mercury retrograde’s good for, I suppose — to have enough time to unwind. With an amethyst under my pillow these days, somehow I sleep so much better now, even despite all the crazy lucid dreams. But that shouldn’t be a problem. I hope to get more crystals soon, & I want to get this book to help me finally get my living space reorganized.

I’m also happy to have new calling cards issued by next week, & to discover that I can do tai chi more regularly now! I can’t wait to see my former weekly tai chi sifu & check out the new space where I can also sign up for slow flow yoga on Monday nights. This is indeed great news for me, as I can happily stretch my way towards health & enlightenment all the more. My wish has been granted! Thank you, Cosmos! What a wonderful way to spend the rest of the month!

I’ve also added a Testimonials page here & somehow I still find it cheesy to see all of my friends’ remarks in one go, but that should help me reestablish my chosen identity as a tarot reader. I’m hoping to add a few more to the list, especially those that were given a few years ago while I was starting out.

The Tarot’s Ten Commandments

I think this is such a wonderful article:

1) Thou shalt use Tarot as an instrument of love and healing and remember it is not for control or self gain.

Tarot is used to help others, not to manipulate people with knowledge about them or of what may happen in their life. It is true that there are situations where it is not appropriate to tell a seeker all that has been revealed, but it is never appropriate to use information revealed by Tarot to control others, even if it is supposed to be “for their own good.”

2) Thou shalt use Tarot and perform readings from a place of calmness and centeredness and clear thy head, heart, body, mind, spirit, and soul from anger, pain, and dark influences before using Tarot.

Darker influences, such as anger, fear, pain, lust (not just erotic lust!) and jealousy can stand between the reader and useful, valid readings. All readers and seekers deserve the clearest, most unbiased reading possible. Doing a reading under negative influences can cause misleading, false, or even contradictory readings.

3) Thou shalt at all times be aware of the free will of the reader and the seeker.

Tarot can tell us what influences are acting on us, but it never tells us exactly what will happen. Each individual has free will and the ability, at all times, to determine the direction of his or her life by making his or her own choices. A reading may clearly indicate an event. No matter how certain this event is, it is still up to the seeker to either bring it about, avoid it, or decide in what manner it will be faced.

4) Thou shalt use Tarot to learn about thy self and others who ask. Those who do not ask often do not wish to know or do not wish to be known about.

Use Tarot to give information to people that ask for it, but do not use it to pry or spy. Sometimes a person will ask for a reading on a possible romantic interest or on an ex-spouse with whom the seeker is still angry. There is no difference between using Tarot to find out what others do or feel and eavesdropping on conversations or activities to find out the same information.

5) Thou shalt allow all to have their own opinions of tarot and work with those who seek or who believe and avoid trying to change opinions of those who desire to argue.

There will always be skeptics and people who will even violently denounce tarot. They speak their opinions, which they have as much right to hold as you do to believe in tarot. It is not the place of a reader to convince a skeptic or critic. If the time comes, they will be lead to a desire to learn or accept Tarot on their own. Until and unless that happens, entering into a discussion or debate on whether tarot is Truth is usually the best way to lose that debate or discussion. Entering an argument or fight about the Truth of Tarot is a guaranteed way to lose that argument or fight, as well as respect for both you and Tarot.

6) Thou shalt remember that knowledge is like fertilizer and should be spread. Tarot and the ways of Tarot are not secrets to be known only by a few.

Tarot is to help others. When a seeker asks questions, it is to learn and to be helped. A seeker may want to know how Tarot works or what cards can mean. The ways of Tarot are not the secrets of Tarot. Knowledge is always to be shared. Questions are meant to be answered.

7) Thou shalt remove thine own ego from thy readings.

When reading for yourself or for friends, it is important to see what the cards are saying. Do not be influenced by what you, as a reader, wish to see, or by what may be too painful for you to see. Remove your wants, desires, fears, and pain from your readings so what you see is Truth, not Deception. Ego and desires can even influence what cards appear.

8) Thou shalt focus only on the current reading and the seeker for whom the reading is being done. Let not thy energies be distracted, diverted, and diluted by other times or people.

When a seeker (whether it is yourself or another) asks for a reading, it is a disservice to allow your energies to be distracted by remembering other readings or comparing the present seeker or reading to others. There is only the present, the current seeker, and the current spread.

9) Thou shalt remember that all who read tarot are unique individuals and will all have different interpretations of each card, each deck, each seeker, and each situation.

Five readers will interpret the same card in the same reading for the same person for the same situation in five different ways. Tarot, like time, spirits, and the future, changes. Readings and interpretations vary and reading tarot is not a contest to see who agrees with whom. Reading Tarot is an opportunity to help others and yourself.

10) Thou shalt remember that Tarot is a gift... and a gift, like mercy, “blesseth him that gives and him that takes.”

As Shakespeare said in The Merchant of Venice, “The quality of mercy is not strain’d; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. It is twice blest: it blesseth him that gives and him that takes.” The entire quotation would be appropriate here. There are those that read professionally and do so for an income and there are those who do readings for free. In whatever capacity, do not be stingy with using Tarot to help people. Doing readings for seekers is a gift, which should be thought of as mercy.

Thanks so much, Francisbear, for sharing.

Oh, & I would like to wish my one & only brother a happy birthday. ♥

little things et al

“The Seven of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in possibility. Luck is relative — still, I choose wisely and am not alone. When I envision, expect and choose great things, I will identify, pursue, and experience great things. I keep my options open and acknowledge emotional clutter or unrealistic expectations. I am empowered by desire for meaning and my gift is opportunity or epiphany.”

What a cute card, don’t you think? Everytime this pops up in a reading, I come up with a suggestion for my clients to make a little wishlist involving seven whatever it is that they want at the moment. For example, they can come up with Seven Goals They Would Want to Achieve Before The Next Quarter, or Seven Things They Would Want in A New Relationship, or… well, you get the idea. Seriously. I get pretty excited when this comes up, as it’s a good supplement to the Nine of Cups, which you all know is the resident Wish Card. So if you get both in one go, time to focus, & be careful with what you wish for! Now the catch is, my clients would have to force themselves to write the wishlist down, & review them from time to time. They could keep it in their diaries or blogs, or leave it in church once they pay their respective parishes a visit, especially when the Hierophant appears in their spreads. You know, to amplify prayers, that sorta thing. I know those cards can mean so much more than just that, but it really helps, especially after seeing the movie Practical Magic again a few years back, haha. The trick is to fine-tune that list, & BE CAREFUL indeed with whatever you’d wish to scribble on it. I’m still working on my different lists, actually, no thanks to my easily bored, scatterbrained antics. But the last time I checked, I think I’m working on 10 out of 30 things now from my Ultimate To-Do List In The Meantime, so that’s got to be something, woohoo!

Speaking of going to church, I attended Mass last Thursday after such a long time with my coworker Cherry. The homily was superb as usual; the Gospel was about the Apostles becoming fishers of men, teaching believers to have faith in the will of the Lord. The will of God, as shared by the priest du jour, can be very unexpected, full of surprises, sometimes only found as traces & glimpses (a la the High Priestess’s secrets), but it can also be very persistent, so believers should be very sensitive & receptive to signs, etc., & no doubt will it be a humbling experience to have it dawn upon seekers. If people have tremendous faith, they wil be adorably blessed like the Apostles in the said parable. The previous Reading also has the same message, running along the lines of, “be a fool to become wise,” meaning we should go on with our lives with pure trust & grace in Him, of course. Sigh. That blew me away. I’m really going back next week. It’s my birthday month, after all, hehe, & I’m always too tired to go out every Sunday. It feels good bonding with a new friend while I’m at it, so yay. I really hope I could spend more time with my choice coworkers like that from now on.

I also got to finally watch Wall-E after such a long delay, & I can’t wait to see it again. I’m officially in love with EVE & M-O, haha, but yeah, Wall-E is cute, too. I love its eco-centric theme, reminding us to always care for Mother Earth even amidst our technological advances & yearning for the quintessential luxurious, streamlined life. Plus I think that that movie had the best love story ever, among other Pixar releases. Ooohhh. I love how the “how far will you go for love?” dilemma was presented. Now, seriously, will you really hitch a ride to another galaxy just to be with the one you so adore, just to see him or her safe & sound, at the very least? Don’t ask me that, just yet. All I know is that I tend to do silly things in the name of love, while trying my best to keep my composure, & the last thing I want to end up as is looking pathetic. I think I’ve been a big loser all my life, so that has got to stop, hehe.

Oh, speaking of love, I’m really officially head over heels with the Tarot of the Magical Forest, our featured deck for this post. I can make do with the Lo Scarabeo publication now, after my esoteric buddy Francis showed me his own last Saturday, along with his other new acquisitions (Tarot of the White Cats & the Tarot of Jane Austen). Francis was also a sweetheart to treat me to lunch, haha. Let’s have more Tempura misadventures, haha. But that deck is AWESOME. I don’t think of it as just as some Rider-Waite clone, & it’s the perfect gift for a fan of surrealism, oddities, & fluffy bunnies — LIKE ME! My kid sister (R.I.P.) would’ve loved it, too. I think she did lead me into discovering that online… she was Piscean, too, like Francis, coincidentally.

The deck is fabulously descriptive, very rich in symbolism & detail, super-cute but not to be dismissed as just some frilly deck. If you like vibrant colors, you won’t be disappointed. The cardstock is sturdy, which I like, & the images speak in depth, even amidst the rather annoying Lo Scarabeo card labels in 4 or so languages. Oh, & guess which card I got first on my first encounter…

READ MORE...

autumn equinox fun

It just dawned upon me that I hardly have any September posts. I should have, considering this is my birthday month, woohoo! So this year will be different, even if I haven’t really accomplished my 30 Things To Do Before My Birthday list. Anyway, I took a long break since I couldn’t concentrate much to begin with, & to kick things off, let’s have this post I swiped from the Universal Psychic Guild:

If you are wanting to be number one or just the best that you can be, start following these five strategies that will help you become a champion at whatever you choose to pursue in life:

1. Improve On The Small Things - There are many small things that can be changed to make a big difference in the final outcome of anything you are pursuing. Try to determine what areas of your life small changes may benefit. It may be something as simple as going to bed earlier, working smarter, doing more reading, advancing your education, or scheduling regular dates with your spouse and children. You may want to consider getting a coach to help inspire you, guide you and improve your productivity.

2. Study Other Successful People - Winners always seem to perform well under any circumstances no matter what adversity they encounter. You have to keep your act together physically, psychologically, and spiritually if you are going to become the best. Commit yourself to mastering and fine tuning the skills needed to become number one. Study and learn from others that have already achieved success.

3. Learn To Hyperfocus - Block out the noise, eliminate distractions and clear the mental clutter to help you stay focused on your priorities. You need to get in that zone that allows you to have optimal performance. Find that optimal time of the day when you are in your zone and use that time of day for creative thinking and performing important task. We all have experienced times when we need to be at our best and really focus without any outside distractions. If music helps you focus then utilize it to help get you in your zone for greatest creativity and productivity. Visualize yourself succeeding in whatever activity that is requiring your optimal performance.

4. Follow Your Passion - To become the best at something you have to love it so much that it does not seem like work. If you want to compete with other extraordinary people, with similar passions, you may have to give up doing things that other ordinary people do. You may have to give up hanging out with friends, sleeping in on the weekends, staying up late, and eating inappropriately. You need to use those hours to practice and fine tune the skills needed to become the best at what you do.

Try finding areas of your life that you can rearrange to raise certain areas of your life to a new level. Finding things you can let go of will allow room for focussing on the goals and dreams you truly desire.

5. Finish Strong And Fight To The Finish - How many times in life do we give it 90% only to find our efforts fizzle out. Even if you know you have won or lost, keep on fighting until the end. Never give up.

If you want to be the best at whatever you do begin studying the success of others, focus, and start making changes in the small things that will help move you towards being a champion in life.

About the Author:

Curtis McElroy is an internal medicine physician with an interest in health and wellness, fitness, weight loss, self improvement, and motivation. Go to http://imdocmac.com/mydailypassion for further information.

I hope this helps everyone reach their goals! ♥

By the way, starting this month until the next, I’ll be available every Thursday for readings, as early as 10am, at my usual haunt. I’ll be doing yoga more often, too, so wish me luck.

on breakthroughs & connections, part 2

Shortly after my posting the 6 of Pentacles card from the Sorcerers Tarot deck, I received news via SMS that I could finally claim my reimbursement check for my medication from last month due to flu & tonsilitis (that started from acute pharyngitis the month before that LOL). Even if it isn’t much as I’ve expected, that’s still something, right? I still have to take antihistamines, though, for my condition. My immune system isn’t as stable as it’s supposed to be, because it’s the proverbial time of the month again & I feel like crap. But I’m still happy about a few things, so yeah, I’m still feeling all the magical love from this baby:



Gotta go find that frog prince to kiss soon, though, haha, whee.

So I’ve been meaning to write about this gratitude journal habit via SMS from my dear culture vulture pal that I got into last summer. We’d forward each other’s lists as often as possible & it does feel awesome to be sharing the good stuff that’s made our day or week. I’m not really too text-happy, though, but it’s worth it sometimes. Here’s a list of what I’m thankful for on a very regular, if not daily, basis. Talk about simplicity glorified:

1. My one & only kid brother, who’s celebrating his birthday on September 12th (mine follows 13 days later, yay).
2. My four-post bed & airconditioning unit.
3. Our DSL connection & router.
4. Being assigned to a different split at work everytime.
5. Getting enough sleep.
6. Getting massages & manicures.
7. National Geographic’s Food Lover’s Guide To The Planet.
8. Watching movies at my favorite cinema.
9. Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection & Tekken 6.
10. Scented candles.
11. My pups Snow & Blake.
12. Insightful, considerate, amicable customers to deal with everytime.
13. Tarot, of course! Especially new decks!
14. BNET.com
15. My iPod to help me endure my regular commute to & fro work.
16. Awesome coworkers like Runey & Rache.
17. Dark chocolate & Vitwater to keep me awake, as I’m steering clear of coffee as much as I can, so all I ever drink is hot chocolate or vanilla or my favorite tea (chamomile) in cafes.
18. This esoteric book club that my friend & I are starting next week or so.
19. My birthday posse (Zhy, Rissa, Lynne).
20. Lovely weather.
21. Good, even if bordering on emo, conversation.
22. Comfort food, especially yogurt with coconut & Godiva truffles & fudgy chocolate cake. :D
23. Clean, neatly-pressed clothes (& God knows how much I hate ironing)
24. Long, relaxing, scented baths.
25. Great music (rock, electronica).
26. Awesome books & magazines.
27. The household help being cooperative generally.
28. Running into the crush du jour.
29. Commendations & referrals.
30. Nivea Lip Care.
31. Smooth commutes.
32. Feng shui.
33. Slow flow yoga.
34. Tai chi.
35. Making out (which I haven’t done in quite a long while LOL)

I still whine a lot, however, especially that I got a horrible haircut a few days ago. It’s true that a girl should never get her hair done while PMSing. I should’ve known better, but I really couldn’t help it. To think I’ve been so desperately trying to grow my hair past my shoulders for the past 3 years, no thanks to my boyishness. I vowed not to have my hair cut until my birthday this year, but I guess I forgot this month, haha. What the hell.



But anyway, maybe instead of moping, like what my coworker Runey reminded me last weekend, I could just go change my perspective about things. Instead of mourning for my hair loss, I could think of it as starting over. Gone with my locks are my hangups from the past, among other worries cluttering my head. Instead of worrying about creepy guys staring at me like crazy for no apparent reason, I should actually laud them for their great taste in women AHAHA. Instead of getting upset with other people’s “concerned” albeit bordering on tacky comments, I should be thankful that at least I’ve got “friends” looking after me. Instead of getting upset with a whole bunch of other things, like traffic jams & annoying customers & weird scorecards, at least I can thank my lucky stars I’m still employed, for the most part. Easier said than done, seriously, but I think I can hack it. I better make sure I’ve got this smile plastered on my face, too, while I’m at it. To quote Liz Tuccillo, “my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, & feel as good as I can about myself, & to lead as full & eventful a life as I can…” Like the catchphrase of the year, courtesy of the late Heath Ledger who played The Joker in The Dark Knight, Runey’s like, “why so serious?!” Haha, happy birthday, Motherrrr. You never fail to crack me up. I am such a fag hag.

Now I can’t wait for this year’s Book Fair so I could hoard books & decks again. Speaking of which, my soul sister Sunshine has proposed to launch a New Age book club in the metropolis wherein enthusiasts of the esoteric can all gather round & discuss, if not swap, resources while merrily sipping coffee or tea or so in peace. Sounds fun. Will let you guys know about it next week. I’ll be blogging for that as well, so yikes.

Sunshine never fails to amuse me, btw, with really zany quips.

Shiney: since libra ka and si venus ang deity ng sign mo, isipin mo na lang yung birth nya
Shiney: birth of venus on your birthday
Shiney: i-party natin
Shiney: hahahaha
Shiney: rebirth ito
Shiney: pag pasok mo new [ayame]
Shiney: may excuse ka na ng make-over
Ayame: birth of venus, oh god
Shiney: pag balik mo sa office & they’d go ‘what happened!??!’
Shiney: simply reply “10 days” then smirk
Shiney: ang sexy nyan

LOL! Which reminds me, it really should be a month-long celebration, so I don’t get depressed too much on the actual day, which will fall on a Thursday. I really should consider myself lucky because I have practically a lot of girls rooting for my, uh, metamorphosis, haha, for some reason, to the point of drastic assistance. I seriously fear whatever catch there is in that idea.

On a different note, I’ve been thinking about what Sunshine said about tarot readers being reduced to stereotypical laughable fortune-telling figures bordering on quackery. That’s what I’ve been trying to avoid for the past 6 years, & yet I really don’t mind when people see me differently everytime they’d find out how I’m so into New Age. This is who & what I am, but there’s more to me, of course, even if my current lifestyle is a tad too limiting. I’ve never felt more alive celebrating that, & I’m all the more excited to dabble in my chosen pursuits, which are actually more sophisticated than what the common horde would give them credit for.

Now please excuse me as I try to grow my hair back, among other things.

on FAQs & then some

I’ve been spending some time back in this old forum where locals could discuss everything about tarot. It’s funny how I came up with a tarot 101 online community for foreigners a few years but I grew tired of it, because maybe I’ve evolved from a novice to an intermediate reader/enthusiast more quickly than the others. However, I’m always happy to give tips to beginners, & one good thing anyone can tell me (aside from praises for giving quality readings) is that I’ve inspired them to actually learn the craft & read for themselves. One girl I know online whom I’ve met up with once a couple of months ago told me she just got The Sorcerers’ Tarot recently. I told her outright that personally the deck does not appeal to me, but if it works for her, then great! That’s what people should realize — whatever you choose should be something you’re drawn to, not because everybody else has it, or likes it. Anyway, there is this special card that got my attention while reading a review of The Sorcerers’ Tarot online:


Isn’t that just the cutest thing? Too bad I really wouldn’t want to own the rest of the pack, but this should be one of the most striking renditions of the 6 of Pentacles, which reminds me of the Housewives’ Tarot take on the card. Now that I think about it, that card is most fitting for this post! I’m publishing some of the frequently asked questions from the aforementioned forum for locals along with my own humble answers.

The most popular newbie question so far would have to be, “How do I store my tarot cards? Should I keep them in a black silk pouch like what I’ve been reading in guidebooks & online resources? What if I can’t find any black silk to wrap them up with?”

★ You don’t have to get a silk pouch. You can get one in velvet. Or satin. You can also keep the cards in a wooden box. You can also just wrap them up in a nice scarf. You can definitely improvise. There are no hard nor fast rules in storing them. Your personal preference should prevail, really. So it wouldn’t really matter what colors you choose or material for your cards, as long you like what you’re working with.

I still have my cards in their original boxes even if those are already frayed! But I know I should get new scarves for them soon. Hehe, honestly, I’ve realized don’t like wooden boxes, especially that I’m always on the go & I bring more than one deck at a time! Scarves & pouches are better. I’m thinking of getting a good solid bag to keep them in one place, but I don’t have any ideas yet.

As for crystals to use for readings, a clear quartz would be nice, & an amethyst, & some hematite, for starters. Yeah, candles are also awesome to use before or after reading, but too bad there’s hardly any chance of doing so in public LOL for obvious reasons. Scented candles are love. Which reminds me, I should get new stuff.

Now on with the rest of them Frequently Asked Questions…

Q: So basically, these readings are information about myself that I should already know?

★ Obviously.

But you’re not expected to actually soak it all up in one sitting.

That’s why you have to spend time contemplating on the results if you really want answers for a very serious dilemma that you’ve requested a reading for. But that could be easier said than done. Nevertheless, we should always try. Helping ourselves is still the key. Other people & measures can only do so much.


Q: I don’t know if I want to tell my friend to give me a deck as a gift (just so I could say it was given to me as per tradition)… or I should personally buy my own deck…

★ That actually works both ways. If your friend would be willing to give you a deck without qualms, then by all means accept it, graciously, at that. But if you can get it for yourself because you can’t take it any longer without owning it, then go right ahead.

Don’t worry, it’s OK to purchase your own deck, provided you’d spend a lot of time with it after & consecrate it wholly to be yours.


Q: Most of the time I make my own interpretations… even if I’ve already read the meanings from the guide books I feel that the results are rather way off or irrelevant to my questions, thus I’d come up with my own, whatever I’d understand & pick up from the cards’ imagery…

★ That’s what’s actually fun about reading tarot — whatever you see first regardless of what the guidebook + traditional meanings would say, they hold great meaning. So you really have to pay attention to the images & the feelings they evoke in you. It’s your intuition already at work, actually. So relax, have fun. Try writing down the associations that you get when you draw a certain card from the pile, as they can help in your future readings.


Q: No matter how many times I’d shuffle the deck, I still end up getting the same cards… weird, huh?

★ Actually, NO. That actually makes a whole lot of sense. Again, pay attention to what cards & suits are repeating themselves, as those have very urgent messages to impart. According to traditional meaning, Major Arcana cards denote life-changing events, Court cards depict a lot of other people involved in one’s dilemma, & the rest of the Minor Arcana cards illustrate daily activities, among other things.


Q: Which is more ideal, the original Rider-Waite or Universal deck?

★ Personally, I would want the Universal or Universal Waite Tarot. The Universal deck, which I already have, has crisper detail & more balanced colors, but its Suit of Swords & other ominous-looking cards such as The Tower & The Devil are foreboding. The Universal Waite is a much gentler rendition, & I kinda regret selling the first one I’ve ever had a few years ago.


Q: If you read for other people, to whom should the cards face?

★ Of course, the cards should face you first so that you could take a good look at them, then you can show them to your querent so that they’d understand what you’re saying, even if the cards aren’t really that pictorial or anything. Their associations with their cards as opposed to yours can enrich the reading experience & thus help them arrive at a much clearer conclusion, so don’t worry with whatever they have to say that may not jive with your interpretations at first.


Q: Do we really need a Significator when reading? Because if I take one card out of the deck, I feel that would mean I wouldn’t be able to use it altogether in my reading? Or is it really up to me if I wanna use a Signifactor? I read in some websites that using one is up to the reader.

★ Yes, it does make a difference, at least in my perspective & experience. Your reading can be amplified with one Significator or so. But yes, it’s also up to you to use one or not. Personally, I take one card or so while shuffling that I feel like I have to flip up before the actual reading starts, & then use that as my Significator. It’s very interesting how that can be very relevant in the actual reading, especially when it has a lot to do with the querent per se.


Q: How true is it that by telling someone else’s fortune, you endanger your own?

★ Seriously, reading for other people is tricky… a reader should be centered, grounded, & protected. I have a tendency to feel sick & suicidal a day or two after a long session.


Q: My friend’s sister says that reading the tarot can actually slow one’s life down. What does she mean?

★ Maybe because whoever is reading them tends to be more focused on other people & the card meanings & the whole waxing philosophical deal before, during, & most especially AFTER a reading. So the reader must detach himself or herself quickly from a session or a marathon as soon as it’s over. But that’s just my 2 cents.


Q: I’ve read somewhere that a Tarot Deck can end up being a BURDEN to its owner? What does that mean? How can the cards be a burden? Anyway, if ever a deck does become a burden — can we just throw it away into a trash bin or some lonely highway?

★ Some people who get rid of their cards that I’ve met at random tell me they burn those decks to smithereens. I guess the “burden” pertains to the repercussions that practitioners can acquire from readings… it can be very draining indeed to read & use them sometimes. Again, a reader should be centered + grounded + shielded, & people should take the ritual/practice seriously. I actually hate it when people are skeptical to the point of jeering but ask to have their cards read anyway.

Oh, & I’d rather not think about the bad vibes. :P

Plus, the cards aren't ever a burden at all. They're such wonderful gifts + tools once you learn how to properly use them, & I can't imagine living my life anymore without my decks!

I will then revamp my old online community because of this post, & for my birthday next month I hope to score the Tarot Bible as ANOTHER present to myself, hehe. It’s been a while since I’ve bought reading material related to the subject anyway, & I’m seriously cutting down on buying books for a while, because gadzooks, I have more books & magazines than clothes & accessories, for crying out loud! Yeah, I'm not that vain, even though I should be.

In case anyone is wondering, btw, some songs I enjoy listening to while “meditating” or spending time with my tarot cards in peace (which happens every Sunday morning) are: Amazing Life by Jem, Destiny by Zero 7, Protection by Massive Attack, & Remember Me by Elak. If you happen to know more songs like those, please let me know. :)

fluffy bunny all the way

I have to thank my esoteric buddy Francis for visiting me again & letting me check out his new Manga Tarot deck by Selena Lin. I know my friend at work Jan-kun wanted to snag this since last year, but never got a chance again to do so. Well, I hope I’d get my own copy too this weekend. The cards & guidebook were such a treat, & I ended up laughing my guts out at the readings we were trying to do with it. As Aecletic.com would put it, this is indeed such a fun, sparkly, light-hearted deck to get for teenagers & overgrown idiotic me who still go giddy over crushes like crazy.



I think I’m like the girl in the Strength card a lot when I’m happy & silly & smitten, then more like the girl in the Justice card when I’m sober, concentrating, moody, solitary, or maybe even sleeping, hehe. Then the Lovers card decided to leave me with so much to think about when we finished. I wonder if I’ll ever truly see myself as this girl in the card. Well… maybe… even sooner than you think. ;)



The box is cute, really pink, & the cards had a really accommodating vibe. The Minor Arcana (with the exception of the court cards, of course) still leaves a lot to be desired, but the cards are pretty nevertheless, & the Ace of Wands was the most striking as what I can remember. The cards are pretty easy to shuffle & the book is very insightful! I can’t wait until Friday!

I let Francis help himself to my other decks. So far, he’s already handled my Golden, Mythic, Haindl, & Universal Tarot packs. Even he already has the miniature Universal Tarot version, he still thinks the deck is rather too much for him. I agree, confirming that my own deck is my reality checker, as it cuts to chase, even if a bit too grimly, a la the Ace of Swords. We didn’t get to finish using all the cards, as we had to wrap things up to have sushi & tempura for lunch for the day’s further events (he still had work to deal with). Thanks, dear, for the reading swap & the laughs. Good luck with work, too! May this card truly help us with our goals, haha:



I find myself gravitating towards red a lot lately, & even the cards are suggesting that I should give it a go & sport it more often. Hmm. Not really my style, especially that I’m still mourning for my father, & the most drastic that I can do is wear red nail polish to work. Which reminds me, must get my nails redone this week.

Anyway, the King of Wands is more often than not an attractive figure, & I like him best in my Mythic deck. Usually corresponds to Aries, Leo, & Sagittarius — or magnetic, pushy guys in general. Ahem. Reminds me of my crush, btw, hehe. He hardly wears red, though!

Since my birthday’s coming up, I also have the Tarot of the Magical Forest by Leo Tang (no, I do not want the Lo Scarabeo edition, thank you) & Tarot d’Eltynne in my wishlist.



I would’ve posted the actual card that got my attention (card 41) but I guess I’ll save that for my personal blog. Oooh, anyway, this Phoenix card just summed up my Jean Grey vs Phoenix dilemma, haha.

I’m also interested in getting the Intuitive Tarot which is so haunting these past few days, with very powerful takes on the Pages of Cups & Swords, as well as the Queen of Wands & the High Priestess (all cards correspond to me so far, btw).

may peace be with us all

SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE
Author Unknown
Aug 9 2008

• A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.


• An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.


• A loss of interest in judging other people.


• A loss of interest in judging self.


• A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.


• A loss of interest in conflict.


• A loss of ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom).


• Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.


• Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.


• Frequent attacks of smiling.


• An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.


• An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

on breakthroughs & connections, part 1

Dear Ayame,
Here is your horoscope for Saturday, August 2:

Ah, what a perfect day! The day of the Dog combined with the impact of the elements makes this day the best day of the year for you. Take advantage of this in as many ways as you can, keeping in mind that focusing on your strengths will indeed create optimal results. Do not cower from new challenges today, as others will notice your energy.

LIBRA
Sat - 2 Aug, 2008

Life is not always about what you can get, it’s often about what you can give. If you get the chance to be charitable this weekend, put your hand up and say “yes”.

Haha, totally accurate. Horoscope readings are so much more fun to read when the day is actually over. & the Tarot Fest in Eastwood City was indeed awesome, even if I was late for an hour. Work got the best of me, as I had to schmooze with coworkers & re-rearrange my decks. I didn’t even get enough sleep since Thursday. I didn’t even have enough time to fix myself up for the gig but I think I survived. So far, I’m happy, even if I got my phone broken & my clear quartz crystal missing. Again, I would like to thank RF Rubin for letting me be a part of it. I like his aspirations of getting a new occult movement locally on the rise, especially with young, hip participants surfacing, plus a newsletter for modern-day practitioners while they’re at it, but I wonder how it will fare out. Hopefully by next year everything will be in full force. I’m so happy to have met the rest of the gang, & I knew I should’ve met up with them earlier. Everybody’s so easy to warm up to — Fenrir, Juno, Nona, & Tristan. I really should be meeting up more often with like-minded people. & I can’t thank my own esoteric friends Sunshine & Francis enough for checking us out & sending out much love & light amidst that rainy Saturday night. It was perfect timing, just right after Lugnasadh (Lammastide).

I also would like to thank my friends Ram & Rachelle at work for being so supportive at the last minute on my way out. I am intensely grateful, & I would miss you guys if you’d go away.

Of course, I would also like to thank my clients for bearing with me. I would like to read longer for them soon, if they remember to keep in touch, that is, hehe.

The predominant theme in my readings that fateful Saturday night was about love, as usual. Personally I’m having issues with that as well right now, so it’s rather hard for me, but I find it perfectly understandable. I should go ahead & follow my own advice — will go to church real soon & ask for my forever loving Mother Mary’s guidance & intercession. Anyway, it’s funny how friends who come in for a reading actually go through the same thing. Then I’d end up saying the same thing that I already mentioned to the first person who had a reading to the point of it sounding like canned speech. That’s what you call synchronicity, actually. I hate spiels like no other, even if they do prevent me from rambling, but going verbatim isn’t something I really enjoy, seriously, even if I do like quotes, so I hope people don’t think I’m just pulling a fast one on them. I like descriptive decks very much, but I also use them for my clients’ benefit & sanity.

Now it drives me crazy when things get a little bit too vivid during readings. But you gotta admit, it actually turns out to be very useful for understanding my clients’ situation & thus coming up with solutions to help them go along with their lives. But it really does bother me sometimes, & here’s what one client had to say about it:

Chel: alam mo ang striking sa reading mo
Chel: ikaw lang ang nagreread ng may sex
Ayame: meh sex talaga ever since 2005
Ayame: hahaha
Akane: tangina
Chel: oo haha
Chel: pero totoo
Chel kasi di ba nagpapa read naman din ako
Ayame: hahahaha
Ayame: ampucha yan
Ayame: i’m so much of a prude

Pardon me for my profanity, but I’m into cusswords that way sometimes, heh. Yeah, I know, I’m a walking contradiction like that. & to translate, my client thinks that what makes me stand out from all of her other readers is that I can talk about sex (OMG WTF LOL LOL LOL what is the world coming down to?!) & conception openly, at least during a reading session. I have no idea how it came to be, either, but it’s always been like that, & I even read about STDs once. Crappy, I know. While I myself have yet to come to terms with my own sexuality (what sexuality?!) I find myself helping other people resolve theirs! This is crazy. & it doesn’t help that I have to look at these cards last night, no thanks to Sunshine! OMG, the Empress card from the Manara deck is most fascinating, indeed, LOL. >:D

But my card for the night after all the fuss was Temperance. Rubin did say I was such a paradox, but that’s just being my usual torn Libran self, I suppose. It’s hard trying to bridge the gap, so to speak, & by going into this full-time, I wonder how bigger the gap will get. But I don’t mind, having the best of both worlds (& living a rather double life while I’m at it) is actually getting to be so much fun. Life’s getting too short for any more hangups. Now all I have to do is learn how to integrate both worlds more smoothly. So far, I always thought of this card as female, thanks to my Tarot of the Witches & Mythic decks.



The angel in the Spiral deck looks pretty much female to me, too.

I will be working on past-life readings more closely from now on, but I have yet to unravel my own supposed past life, which I think already manifested itself in a dream a few years ago.

Hehe, I always get a kick out of cybermancy, & there was this least expected astrological resource that got to me:

Career Outlook for 2008
by Astrologer Master Rao

Third Trimester
Everyday life within the framework of your job will be easy and carefree. This relaxed ambience will enable you to think about future projects and precisely define your new professional goals. Indeed, a number of you will have the desire to carry out a more independent or more creative activity. Even though you’re for the moment compelled to do a job which you deem too restricting or too routine, don’t become disheartened; learn a new discipline, make contacts, make inquiries: Thus you could soon embark on a new career.

Fourth Trimester
Boosted by the Square between Mars and Uranus, a rather rare and very favorable configuration, you’ll be very much motivated to succeed in your career. You will not only try to obtain the recognition that you wish or to have more responsibilities or autonomy, you’ll also strive to establish good relationships with your professional entourage and to make your everyday life at work as agreeable and fruitful as possible. Thanks to the support of the stars, you’ll reach your goals easily.

Yay, should be fun. I can’t wait for progression.

Present and Future Outlook
by Astrologer Master Rao
Take better care of your health by forcing yourself to do exercise every day.

Certain changes will take place in your life. They will all be positive, profitable, and agreeable if you know how to appreciate and handle them. Don’t let the past and useless details clog your existence. Try to get rid of all that impedes your march or hampers your spontaneity and joy. “Remember to forget” (Nietzsche). Your happiness is before you, not behind you!

& now I’m really excited about this weekend:

Your social calendar heats up on Saturday as the Moon in Leo trines Pluto retrograde in your sector of communication.

Oh, mad props to my blog caretaker ♥ for the new layout. So do him a favor & visit me here every now & then. I know I need to post more often, but give me time.

time to party

6 readers. Chocolate abound. Myriad decks. 4 amazing hours. Fortunes foretold.
1 notable weekend.



I am currently preparing for this event, so I’m re-reading my favorite books (the Mythic Tarot guidebook included). Thanks, RF Rubin, for the inclusion in the roster of readers. I can’t wait to meet everyone else. Oh, I got a nice wicker bag from a client for my decks today. Thanks, Sharon! It was so nice seeing you again. Wicker/woven bags aren’t really my style, but it should match my strappy woven wedge sandals then, hehe. Will I still be able to pull it off, though, should I decide to wear just my staple black tee & a denim skirt that weekend? Talk about mismatched. Maybe I should just go for my usual hobo chic vibe. Comfort is, after all, the key to a crazy weekend like this. I hope I don’t pass out or, worse, go manic with all the chocolate, mmm.

Tarot Card of the Day

All the planning, work, and effort, designed to communicate your intentions to find, renew, make up, or revitalize a new, previous, or current bond, could begin to fall into place or alter your situation from one of dormancy or preparation, to that of a growing, passionate experience. Your willpower, or determination, directed towards your heart’s desire, can lead to a creative solution, intense chemistry, or resourcefulness within your romantic or social encounters, for you will have everything you need to manipulate or transform the situation to your advantage. It could be difficult to maintain self-control or perspective during what might be a restless, emotional, or exciting time, but if you are clear on your motivations, this could be a turning point or a new beginning.

on staying alive & well

Hi! I know it’s been a while since an actual update, but I’ve been very tired at work & preoccupied with crazy thoughts & ideas. I’m still very hopeful that I can bounce back quick, especially with another vacation leave in order this week. I’ll be available tomorrow afternoon for a reading, though, & I want to have enough energy to get through the day.

Here are a few links regarding that wish, & I’m totally loving Health.com, woohoo!

I also need to document my yoga & diet to monitor my progress more closely.

So far, I’ve been noticing that everytime I listen to upbeat tunes, things at work (where I spend 90% of my time lately) pick up. I’m sick & tired of complaining that I’m ill, & it nearly cost me my job a few weeks ago, so I want all the morale-boosters that I can come across with. I’m also trying not to focus on the word “need” so as not to think about desperation. It kinda helps that I have a new crush somewhat (or did it really take me a whole year to realize that I like the poor chap all along?) but it’s actually distracting me from myself. Or maybe I’m just not really accustomed to such intense feelings for someone I barely know, who would rather glare than smile at me on a regular basis. But the last time I saw him, I think he actually gave the subtlest smile ever in history, & that made me giddy. ♥ Acting like a blushing 16-year-old idiot with sparkly chinky eyes when gushing about the crush is better then, I guess, than a whimpering aging nearly-30-year-old buffoon who can’t even afford to smile much in the office because of her aching everything (head, shoulders, knees, tummy, throat, back).

Anyway, I got a tarot card for the old new crush that would probably explain his attraction to me, if it really does exist. For one thing, I’m stumped. What does this card have to say, aside from the fact that we’re both stuck in the same dreadmill & that we’re both struggling to take it easy in our lives?



Haha. I wonder if we really have a lot in common. ♥

I’m pretty excited about a whole lot of things even if it’s actually distracting me from my esoteric inclinations. I guess this is what humanity is all about & for. Maybe a makeover should really do wonders for my sanity, with my concerned mommy-figures’ prodding. Perhaps the scented candles & gaily-colored ribbons can wait. I must really attend to my needs first before zeroing in on others’, at least IRL. & even if I really haven’t worked on my to-do list yet, I really should relax. & this seems like a good motivation, especially for my upcoming birthday.

swiped from someone

How to help this process of maintaining one’s path:

1. Insure that your energy level is high by focusing on the unique beauty and shape of everything, especially nature.

2. Try to experience a feeling of closeness, the feeling that no matter how far away something is, you can touch it, connect with it.

3. Breathe in this energy by taking deep conscious breaths, holding each about five seconds before exhaling.

4. Visualize that each breath pulls energy into us and fills us like a balloon; experience becoming lighter and more buoyant.

5. After you breathe in the energy, check your emotions. Do you feel love? This is the true measure of whether you are really connected. Love is not an intellectual concept or moral imperative. It is a background emotion that exists when one is connected to the energy available in the universe.

6. Once you are connected with the energy, examine your thoughts.

* The words you habitually will through your head in an attempt to logically control events stop when you give up your control drama.

* As you fill up with inner energy, other kinds of thoughts enter your mind from a higher part of yourself.

These are intuitions. They appear in the back of your mind, sometimes in a kind of daydream or mini-vision.

7. When you have acquired enough energy, you are ready to consciously engage evolution, to produce the coincidences that will lead you forward.

* Remember your basic life question–the one your parents gave you–because this question provides the overall context for your evolution.

* Next you center yourself on your path by discovering the immediate, smaller questions that currently confront your life.

* These questions always pertain to your larger question and define where you currently are in your lifelong quest.

* Once you become conscious of the questions active in the moment, you always get some kind of intuitive direction of what to do, of where to go.

* The only time this will not occur is when you have the wrong question in mind. The problem in life isn’t in receiving answers. The problem is in identifying your current questions. Once you get the questions right, the answers always come.

* After you get an intuition of what might happen next, the next step is to become very alert and watchful. Sooner or later coincidences will occur to move you in the direction indicated by the intuition.

le sigh

I really must go back to yoga LOL. But I miss tai chi more.

walking & writing on water

Finally this season’s Mercury Retrograde phase is over, so I can have time to update. Here’s a lovely meditation exercise I picked up online (though I forgot where, yikes):

Before you go to bed at night, fill up a paper cup (a white natural recycled cup would be best) with the purest water you can find, preferably natural spring water (not distilled) from a verified pure source and respectable eco friendly company.

Before laying down, close your eyes, thank the universe for your day, and focus on what you would like your reality to be for tomorrow. What would you like the universe to bring to you or show you, and what would you like to give.

After you have in your mind what you would specifically like from the universe tomorrow, look at your paper cup of water, and focus those thoughts unto the water as if the water were the whole universe (it is).

Then, to further manifest and have the water help you, write on the
paper cup your wishes or intentions that you thought of for tomorrow.
Sometimes this may just be a general good principal, such as,
“tommorow I would like to be amazingly creative and glowing with love,” or it can be as specific as you want such as, “tommorow I would like to
solve my challenge with such and such a situation.”

After you do this with complete clarity of mind and gratitude, drink half
of the cup of water, and go to sleep knowing that the water is
reverberating with great intensity and acting as a magnifying antenna to
the universe. The water in your body that you drank already has your
intentions in it and is still connected to the water in the cup which is
connected to EVERYTHING and it is working its best at helping you
send your message to the universe. Its structure IS actually changing
to your thought and this is provable by science to even the most
skeptical naysayers. As you sleep, your subconscious mind will
continue to communicate with the water, both in your body, and that still
in the cup, and it will change its structure into what you concentrated
on, so that when you wake up in the morning, and finish the other half
of the cup of water, you will literally be drinking your dreams!

This will have them reverberate even more powerfully through your
whole being. Do this every night, and see what happens, miracles
multiply and health increases at ever faster rates. Water is the most
beautiful, mutable and affected thought physical substance that we
humans have. Water is the ultimate physical manifestation within the
hologram of our existence, and if you love your water, it will love you
back and help you along your path. Water is alive and aware.

Share and enjoy.

Hehe. I hope this works.

Oh, here’s something I should post about singlehood, as it cracked me up a bit, but honestly, I’m getting bored with being all by myself. Or maybe it’s just my PMS talking.

So far I’m really bent on getting serious with yoga. I’ve found 2 new places to go to, at least every Monday (before work) & Tuesday (after shift) & maybe try out Pilates while I’m at it.

Must. Focus.

Again, from the amazement that is e-mail.

Give up complaining . . . focus on gratitude.

Give up pessimism . . . become an optimist.

Give up harsh judgments . . . think kind thoughts.

Give up worry . . . trust divine providence.

Give up discouragement . . . be full of hope.

Give up bitterness . . . turn to forgiveness.

Give up hatred . . . return good for evil.

Give up negativism . . . be positive.

Give up anger . . . practice patience.

Give up pettiness . . . put on maturity.

Give up gloom. . . enjoy the beauty that is all around you.

Give up jealousy . . . pray for trust.

Give up gossiping . . . control your tongue.

Give up sin. . . . turn to virtue.

Haha. I’m still working on it like you wouldn’t believe.

family: the ties that bind… & gag!

Is it coincidence or what that my Housewives Tarot deck wants to make itself prominent right before Mothers’ Day? :D I only realized it at the last minute. Oh, yes, yikes, the review. Anyway, I’d like to greet everyone that even if the occasion’s already over, especially my young mom patrons. I was able to hug my mom twice after how many YEARS, & I sure miss her despite everything. We’ve never really got along well ever since I got into high school, you see, but she’s still my mother after all, & I really wouldn’t want to disappoint her anymore. But I’m still my own person, & I know being truly myself wouldn’t really make her happy, & for this reason I so miss my father, who’s always been understanding of my whims. In fact, he’s actually the reason why I’m still distraught today, & for this post. He’s always been praying for me for the longest time, & I can always feel that. Sometimes I would feel like he has not just one, but two guardian angels looking after me wherever I go. Now that he’s gone, though, I’m not sure how everything’s going to work out, but that’s fine with me. I guess I have to be more secure with my faith.

With this, I present this e-mail excerpt I got today. Sorry if it runs a bit too preachy, & I think I’m not that much of a Christian anymore, but here goes. Haha, sometimes spam is the best stuff to read whenever I’m online:

HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR CHILD
Author Unknown
May 13 2008

If you pray one of these a month, you will have your child covered for a year!

1. Pray NOTHING hinders your child from accepting Christ as his/her personal Savior early in life. (Matthew 19:14)

2. Pray your child learns to know God and will have a deep desire to do God’s will for his/her life. (Psalms 119:27,30,34, 35).

3. Pray child hears stories from the Bible that will be a basis for his/her decisions throughout life. (Ecclesiastes 12:1, Psalms 71:17).

4. Pray child will develop a keen sense of right and wrong and that he/she will truly abhor evil and cling to that which is good. (Psalms 139:23-4).

5. Pray child will increase in wisdom (mentally) and in stature (physically) and in favor with God (spiritually) and man (socially). (Luke 2:52). This prayer covers his/her total development to his/her full potential.

6. Pray that child will develop a thankful heart and a positive mental attitude. (Psalm 126:2-3, Romans 8:31)

7. Pray that God protect child from Satan and his/her wiles in every area of his/her life. (John 17:55, Psalm 121)

8. Pray that God would destroy the enemies in his/her life whether they be weaknesses, lying, selfishness, etc. (Psalms 120:2; 140).

9. Pray that God would make him/her successful in the work God has for him/her to do. (Psalm 118:25, 139:9-10)

10. Pray he/she have a strong sense of belonging to a family that is loving and dwells together in unity (Psalms 133, Colossians 3:12-14).

11. Pray he/she will respect authority. (Romans 13:1, Ephesians 6:1-4).

12. Pray that his/her entire life will be a testimony of the greatness and love of Christ. (Phillippians 2:15-16 Thess 5:2-3)

I’ve highlighted the ones I like best. ♥

& yes, I do read the Bible everytime I get the chance, & I have high regard for my secular Religious Education instructor in college, whom I got stellar grades from, who handled my freshman & senior classes, & who taught us the relevance of homosexual orientation (she was going by the syllabus, mind you!) & divine inspiration. I wonder how she is now. Then the old maid who taught me Christology in my sophomore year & made me do voice tapes every grading period just so I could pass in her class is now dead but at least she would praise me unabashedly to her younger students, alongside the ranks of these two honor students-since-birth who graduated cum laude in my school from my very own department (one already passed away because of cancer, though, & she was rather pretty). I have now gone down in history as one of her best protégés ever, haha, even if I’ve grown up to become less geeky & zealous with Catholicism = Christianity (because Tarot has already won me over). I hold my dad responsible for my awareness beyond Catholicism, as he himself was interested in publications such as The Plain Truth, anti-liberation theology (probably brought upon by his work), & anything else New Age that dealt with psychism & pranic awareness. What I would call chi, he would call prana. Not that there's any difference. It should be obvious by now that I was the only one in the family whom he could talk to regarding controversial subjects, & yet everytime I would press him for more details, he would just tell me to focus on my youth & everyday terra firma drama. I guess he had a point, as I was only in high school then. We didn’t talk much about tarot cards, though, & I wasn’t really interested in them to begin with, but voila. :D His last advice about my reading them was that I could strive to find a way to incorporate biblical references in my sessions. & I told him, not to worry, Dad, everytime the Hierophant card pops up, it comes naturally… it just can’t be helped. He influenced me to pay reverence to the Virgin Mary as my spiritual Mother as much as God Himself is my spiritual Father, without being holier-than-thou & freaky. He taught me as well how to ask for wisdom & guidance ALWAYS, & to praise Them wholeheartedly. Being the incorrigible idiot that I am, I would still question God’s supremacy & existence even in my prayers, & I would tell my dad all about it, challenging his own views in turn. Haha, cocky, I know, but that’s why I love him, because I could talk to him like a friend without bypassing his authority. He would remind me of my responsibilities but he would still lovingly spoil me anyway. Despite our dysfunctional family, I’m proud to have him as my dad, & I hope to make him proud of me finally someday. I wonder if my real name will ever live up to its meaning. (Haha, & funny, after Googling my first name up, I discovered it to be a name for a doom metal/progressive rock band & a black metal/thrash band respectively — I think I like the latter better! They’re Japanese, too! Attack with Spell FTW! ^_^ MySpace is only good for band profiles, seriously, IMHO.)



So, there, I miss my parents, & I still worry about what they’ll think about me, especially with what I’m getting myself into lately, but despite everything, I would like to assure them that perhaps this is the process of growing up the hard way, & I’ll try my best not to cause them any more problems. But of course I’d like to thank them for taking care of me whenever I do get into trouble, hehe. I might not be able to give them a grandchild anymore ever, but that’s fine, right?

Entry title courtesy of Erma Bombeck.

I <3 May Day

So far, my vibes are right on track. I’m amenable to doing readings on the 13th & 20th of this month, which are favorably Tuesdays, but I’m OK with Saturdays, too, especially on the 31st. My almanac agrees. So yeah, let’s not waste them good ol’ summer days, especially with the proverbial scattered rainshowers & thunderstorms intruding at the most inopportune moments. June should be a most auspicious month, but I still hate getting drenched while I’m in transit. Well, anyway, you know where to find me. I’ll be available as early as 10 AM.

I’ll be reviewing my Housewives Tarot deck this week. For now, enjoy the deck’s official website & experience the cards there through a short free reading. :D This is such a cute deck, but I had to stash it away for some time because it was getting impossible to read through the brooms (signifying the suit of Wands) without consulting the dainty guidebook. It’s being cooperative again, surprisingly. My favorite cards du jour? The Hermit & The Star & The Devil, LOL (I’m sorry, I’m a sucker for chocolate cake like that, I swear, & the deck’s rendition of The Devil is the coolest EVER!) Go take a look & see if those cards appear in your own virtual spread. :P

on communion & convergence

It was a rather fun day yesterday, as I tried reading for my guy colleagues & they tried to interpret certain images in turn for me. It was crazy, though, as my head was spinning after the fuss. Happy birthday, J, & good luck. Thanks, R, for hanging out with me until lunch & until you couldn’t take it any longer. Haha. You should bring your Comparative Tarot deck next time. You guys sure have a knack for this. Why don’t you try learning MORE about tarot-reading?

Too bad I wasn’t able to read for my barista friends as promised, but tomorrow should be a good time, after a stupendous way to have paid overtime at work. :P

Then by Friday, my other colleagues should line up for requests, LOL, this is fun. I’m on a roll, so better take advantage of it. I love May Day.

I guess it’s needless to say that everybody loves my Golden Tarot & Osho Zen Tarot decks. But all my sets, especially my quirky Tarot of the Witches, are potent, too. I think I’m happy with my loot, but I really should find the rest of my Chinese Tarot cards — this is the second time the deck has been incomplete. :(

Hopefully next month should be a great time to check out other tarot readers, & I can’t wait to talk about the craft et al with them. Sometimes solitary practice is exhausting, & I love getting new perspective. Maybe I should sign up for an art appreciation-through-writing class, too. :D The travel writing workshop I went to was super, though, as it helped me contemplate more on the journey within & introduced me to more wonderful individuals & then ponder about my future in creativity…

By the way, my favorite card for the week would have to be the Inner Voice (equivalent of the High Priestess) from the Osho Zen Tarot deck. ♥ I like the tranquility the imagery evokes & it does emphasize my need to get in touch with the silence within. Thing is, I’m having trouble channeling that at the moment.

on communion & convergence

It was a rather fun day yesterday, as I tried reading for my guy colleagues & they tried to interpret certain images in turn for me. It was crazy, though, as my head was spinning after the fuss. Happy birthday, J, & good luck. Thanks, R, for hanging out with me until lunch & until you couldn’t take it any longer. Haha. You should bring your Comparative Tarot deck next time. You guys sure have a knack for this. Why don’t you try learning MORE about tarot-reading?

Too bad I wasn’t able to read for my barista friends as promised, but tomorrow should be a good time, after a stupendous way to have paid overtime at work. :P

Then by Friday, my other colleagues should line up for requests, LOL, this is fun. I’m on a roll, so better take advantage of it. I love May Day.

I guess it’s needless to say that everybody loves my Golden Tarot & Osho Zen Tarot decks. But all my sets, especially my quirky Tarot of the Witches, are potent, too. I think I’m happy with my loot, but I really should find the rest of my Chinese Tarot cards — this is the second time that deck has been incomplete. :(

Hopefully next month should be a great time to check out other tarot readers, & I can’t wait to talk about the craft et al with them. Sometimes solitary practice is exhausting, & I love getting new perspective. Maybe I should sign up for an art appreciation-through-writing class, too. :D The travel writing workshop I went to was super, though, as it helped me contemplate more on the journey within & introduced me to more wonderful individuals & then ponder about my future in creativity…

By the way, my favorite card for the week would have to be the Inner Voice (equivalent of the High Priestess) from the Osho Zen Tarot deck. ♥ I like the tranquility the imagery evokes & it does emphasize my need to get in touch with the silence within. Thing is, I’m having trouble channeling that at the moment.

trying to get back on track

I would like to thank my old high school classmate Isai for coming over to my humble abode & asking for a reading last week. I hope your weekend was eventful as forecasted. ;) I hope to see you again very soon, of course, but let’s wait until after May 5.

& I just love red envelopes all the more now.

“To sum it up, the red envelope tradition in feng shui is a means of protecting the ancient knowledge, as well as showing respect for the person who shared this knowledge with you.”

It’s really not about going overboard, but you know, I get happy sometimes with the most trivial of things. So, yeah, get some at National Bookstore & spread the luck around. I might also ask for a five-element pagoda keychain from my patrons. It’s just about the same price that I charge, so it shouldn’t be a hassle. Get feng shui items from Mandarin Gate in V Mall, Greenhills & you might even get discounts. ;)

I’ll be free this Tuesday (yay, Earth Day!) & Saturday for tarot readings. Usually I’m at my usual coffee shop but this Saturday I’ll be somewhere else, as I have a prior engagement to go to. I’ll be starting as early as 11 AM.

& oh, here’s this cool feng shui tip I got online… I might as well share it.

Remember that ‘Treasure Map’ you began at the New Moon of the 8th of this month? Well, now you have these next three days of this Full Moon to complete it. See what you want. Literally, visualize a plan and then put it down on paper with pictures from magazines or by writing affirmations or even by putting together a video diary of all the things that you want in your life. Just make sure that you complete this ‘map’ by the end of this Full Moon period in order to land among the stars with all your intentions.

You know me, I love wishlists. I hope this helps us all. ♥

what to do while there’s still time

I don’t care what other people say about Paulo Coelho anymore, because I like how he seems to validate my thoughts. This is why I read tarot & why peers ask the cards the same thing sometimes:

“The only way to make the right decision is to know what the wrong decision is. You have to examine the other path, without fear & without being morbid, & then decide.”

However, from the same book where that was derived, interestingly, from the Personal Vices chapter, this is what I get:

“Pity those who reduce the cosmos to an explanation, God to a magic potion, & humanity to beings with basic needs that must be satisfied, because they never hear the music of the spheres. But have even more pity on those who have blind faith, & who in their laboratories transform mercury into gold, & who are surrounded by their books about the secrets of the Tarot & the power of the pyramids. Neither of these kinds of people know Thy law that says, ‘Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.’"

Sigh. But I am still outside looking in with wide-eyed gusto despite everything. I still feel that this is going to be my year. So hooray for my 30 Things To Do At Least Before I Die… Errr, I Mean, Before I Hit 30.

• Learn more about feng shui, & have fun with interior decorating.


• Get a driver’s license.


• Learn kendo.


• Learn more about wine appreciation.


• Get a makeover. Seriously.


• Be more diligent with yoga.


• Experiment with cooking more.


• Work on my supposed writing prowess.


• Take care of my new puppies attentively.


• Have my room repainted to a soft pink.


• Take care of areca palms & orchids.


• Collect more scented candles. Maybe even make them myself!


• Wear sunscreen more regularly.


• Go back to strength training.


• Get a new pair of rollerblades.


• Smile more, even when cranky as hell.


• Don’t take crap from powertrippers.


• Work on expressing my distaste/indignance/fury more constructively.


• Take up oil painting classes.


• Update my bookshelf/iTunes.


• Save more money.


• Save the world, one plastic bag & bottle at a time.


• Learn how to assemble a desktop computer.


• Take more pictures.


• Master a new language.


• Learn how to swim again.


• Prepare for my retirement.


• Update my resumé.


• Get a new tarot deck, like the Victoria-Regina set.


• Revisit my childhood home at least every 2 weeks.

Yep, I’m ready to take the challenge. ♥

I love you, Dad. May you truly Rest In Peace.

Be willing to take a risk on something that moves you emotionally or spiritually. You may have the opportunity to benefit from wise and patient council from an older, mature “male” influence who may come into your life or be awakened within you. This King can guide or teach you by example, not words, how to become more compassionate, patient, and calm to fully commit emotionally to your goals or ideals. He may have wisdom that comes from metaphysical study, parenthood, dream inspiration, travel, or volunteerism, and his leadership will probably be quiet, but experienced, if not a bit on the romantic or idealist side. Try to be inspired by his sense of adventure and the excitement that can be felt in the joy of simply waking each day. If you are he, then happy and fulfilled you can be. If you are the one who comes under this King’s influence, be forthright, watch, listen, and learn from him, for his teaching can mold your beliefs, values, your definition of success, nay, your very life, for the better.


Though I wish you didn’t have to leave me so soon.

happiness isn’t really within, or so they say

I don’t think it would hurt to post material such as these. Hehe. I wonder if we’d really be happy after all the hoopla.

Death: The Time of Your Life

I wanted to update this blog quickly as soon as I got home this weekend but all I could do was pass out. I was able to visit my youngest sister’s grave again after the longest time, though, & I know I should follow my own advice, especially with all the please-visit-your-departed-relatives-today vibe lately. (No, seriously!) I realized I haven’t offered any Masses yet in her honor, & I definitely will this Sunday. Her birthday’s on the 16th, & I need to do something for her on that day, or at least on the day before. An eerily pink shrub just grew beside her epitaph, outside her plot, & I’m glad that despite the horrendous weather changes the pot of white orchids I left there last year is still flourishing. I have many thanks to the stead caretaker at the local memorial park as he’s been very patient & loyal to us. He wasn’t the original guy, but I’m so glad I got him employed & even the park owners have high regard for him. I noticed him one time as he was busy at work even while it was drizzling one afternoon. He reminded me of the guy in this 8 of Pentacles card (yes, complete with hat & shovel & the tree in the background) that when I got the chance, I chose him quickly:



I thank the heavens for everything, especially regarding this matter, & I myself can be at peace.

Speaking of graves, there was this rather amusing British movie that I was able to watch on cable a few days ago. It was called Plots With A View (but known in the US as Undertaking Betty) & it showcases Albert Molina, Christopher Walken, & Naomi Watts, & even cameos of Jerry Springer LOL. It’s one of my all-time favorites now because it’s funny & insane, but I find it more amusing to have the movie’s theme VERY relevant to my predominant tarot subjects lately: How far would people go for love? Will we truly live happily ever after?

Which brings me to the subject title of this post… I would like to share what Claire Danes wrote for one of Neil Gaiman’s graphic novels about the most popular Endless character yet, none other than my favorite quirky Death…

What if Death is a person?

This friendly, people-loving Death is not scary & far away; she’s around everyday enjoying stuff. She’s not here to punish or kill us, she’s here to help us figure out how to live before we need to go.

We think Death is a bad thing, but here she’s the best kind of pal; she makes the choice clearer for us & tell us by her example that obsessing about things like violence & greed & prejudice & loneliness keeps us from being close to people & having fun & getting our good work done: it’s wasteful of our time here.

What I appreciate is, is that Death never tells the people she is with what to do. She accepts everyone & understands why the way they are. She likes people (even if they are sad or old or young or nasty) so that they really begin to trust & like themselves, too, &, liking themselves, instead of ending they can start beginning.

& I guess falling in Love can actually feel so much like dying in more ways than one. & it feels like I’m doing Death’s job more often than not. :o

Anyway, last weekend was a lovely time to discuss auras, Jungian psychology, dream interpretation (I actually can do a bit of this for others, but I drive myself crazy when I try to analyze my own REM sequences), inner dance, Greek mythology, past lives, virtual realities, cultural art, astrology, friendships, & even the importance of sex to the psyche (ooh, tantra?) LOL. Scheduling an impromptu session with someone who turned out to be one of the most wonderful women I’ve ever met in my lifetime was very much rewarding. To think I’ve never really liked a lot of women, pfft. But it was so surreal having to spend time with an older, funkier, sassier, & sweeter version of myself (not that I’m declaring I’m worthy of comparison) who’s already living my ideal la vie boheme et cosmopolite; & having the well, time of my life enjoying topics I could rarely talk about in broad daylight (aloud & in person, at that!) She definitely reminds me of the World card, dancing her way to enlightenment, & leading others to the same path while she’s at it. Which reminds me, I will never look at this particular World card the same way again!



It was a good thing that I was able to take my Sacred Rose Tarot with me that time. I was thinking of leaving all my decks behind at home anyway before I went to work that night. Talk about most eventful.

Anyway, can somebody tell me if Fox Crime’s Haunting Evidence TV show has already helped solved a case? It’s my favorite TV show but I find it rather frustrating to not know if a case could already be wrapped up with the psychic profilers’ efforts. It’s nice to know, though, that Carla & John are really reputable in their line of work.

on forecasting (when all you really can do is just pretty much expect the unexpected)

Lately I’ve been flooded with very pleased feedback from my patrons, & I can’t thank them adoring fans enough! :P Seriously, I myself am surprised everytime when people tell me how relevant my findings are, & I really can’t take all the credit. Sometimes it’s just blurting out the first thing I “see” on & “feel” about the cards, & I’m glad when people discover for themselves along the way what the cards are trying to tell them, even when they wouldn’t believe anything at first. That’s OK, I myself can hardly believe what I’m picking up through the images during sessions.

What I’ve noticed, though, after all this time, I hardly make a miss on ”predicting” pregnancies, to the point of pointing out a baby’s gender & initial state of health when it’s born. I was able to sense my first ever nephew, & one of my friend’s first ever niece, & I tried warning a former coworker about her delicate womb with just one card, but she thought it was her kidney problem that was being described, until we all found out that she had to leave us all a few days after, as conceiving her first ever son was very critical. There are other instances, of course, like my high school buddy Ohwen excitedly telling me that his wife was 18 weeks pregnant right after my reading for him, but I don’t remember telling him it was going to be a girl (I “saw” that he was going to have 2 sons, though, after that). Probably it’d be safe to say that my other coworker’s quite expecting now, too, just when I told her that once she gets pregnant, she should take extra care of herself, especially when work gets highly stressful again (pretty much like what’s happening now, wherein we’re all gasping for air & racking our brains as we’re strapped to our desks, yikes!) & she’s worrying about a million other things at the same time. Yeah, we’re all hoping it’s going to be a girl this time, & we’re excited! ♥ I hope all will be well for her. (EDIT: So far, it did turn out to be a girl, & her name's Amber, & she's Libra just like me!)

Funny, the closest to foreseeing what my future child would be like was only through a dream… that she would have curly red hair (WTF?) & chinky eyes (like mine) & an impish streak & a precocious mind for her age (I’m guessing she was already 3 years old when I saw her yakking to guests & pestering her would-be dad at some lavish garden party while everytime she’d come up to me, all I would say to her was, “Go to your daddy muna, ok, hija?” but I couldn’t remember for the life of me what the heck I was doing back then. What the hell. That dream would recur for a few more times, then it was gone. I think we called the girl Lisa, or Elise, since that was her second name, anyway, but it could also be Cerise because of her red hair, & I like that name, too, seriously. She now reminds me of The Bride’s daughter in the movie Kill Bill: Volume 2. Yay.



But funny how I’ve always written about having a son named Joshua when I was younger, who would be a violinist with a chemical engineering degree like his would-be grandfather (my dad, who else?) & I really wouldn’t want to have kids EVER to begin with.

So, there. I’m not All-Knowing, though, & I didn’t expect a couple of my best friends to be heavy with child until at the last minute. & if there’s one thing I’d like to be spared of while I’m reading, it’s the thought of sex & conception, please. HAHA. I’m sorry, but yours truly is still a prude that way.

While I may be keen with births & motherhood, I’m not as on-the-dot with deaths, as I’d usually find out about what the cards would be telling me about those when it’s all too late to do anything about those, so everytime I’d see warning signs of accidents or the like at bay, I get adamant with my precautions. Sometimes I’d be a big idiot & misinterpret looming reminders, so… sigh. & when I sense people from the dead are trying to make themselves heard despite their demise, I just have to spill the beans about it. It isn’t everyday I get vibes like that, & no, I can’t see dead people even if I want to, but sometimes I can feel when uh, there’s this unmistakable presence or energy around. I don’t know, I must be going crazy, but that’s just how it is. But what’s crazier is when somebody validates my ESP regarding that issue. Too bad I’m no medium or clairvoyant, though, so I really wouldn’t know.

I actually find more peace in cemeteries than in other public places. I actually fear more being with the living than being with the dead. Who cares about zombies & vampires striking in the middle of the night when we have all sorts of those walking among us in broad daylight? But there was this one time when we were passing a long array of funeral homes on our way to a diving site last year, & I could feel Death all over the place. Boy, THAT trip was creepy, I tell you. I swear, NEVER AGAIN. I should’ve purged myself completely of the looming death when I could’ve, but it was too late. The next thing I knew, on our way home, I was already bleeding to death & what ensued after turned out to be one of the worst moments of my life.

I wish I could be better in divining my own future. I find it despicably hard at times to picture myself in a few months. I may follow my gut instincts a lot, but there are times when I’d rather not think nor feel deeply, especially with the way I’d drive myself crazy from overanalyzing things that bother me at the moment. With nobody sensible around to talk to most of the time, I’d end up sulking alone, or distracting myself with whatever I’d deem to be mentally-stimulating & liberating to the point of haphazard. I really can’t pinpoint certain things for other people, either, during readings. When I know something’s wrong & I “see” a lot of turbulent images in my mind but it’s hard to say what those are, I have to stop & take a step back. Other people may find it nonsensical to rely on foresight this way, but I don’t care. This is how I am, & I’ve proven that my so-called ‘paranoia’ & ‘anxiety attacks’ even before I became 16 actually has a basis after all. I miss my kid sister all of a sudden. :(

To spook everyone out further with my drastic mood swings, I’m getting a kick out of remixes of Garbage songs like Stupid Girl (by Todd Terry) & It’s All Over But The Crying. I wish it was just as easy to rehash the past & enjoy the wonderful revision as a result. :(