Wednesday, February 27, 2008

on forecasting (when all you really can do is just pretty much expect the unexpected)

Lately I’ve been flooded with very pleased feedback from my patrons, & I can’t thank them adoring fans enough! :P Seriously, I myself am surprised everytime when people tell me how relevant my findings are, & I really can’t take all the credit. Sometimes it’s just blurting out the first thing I “see” on & “feel” about the cards, & I’m glad when people discover for themselves along the way what the cards are trying to tell them, even when they wouldn’t believe anything at first. That’s OK, I myself can hardly believe what I’m picking up through the images during sessions.

What I’ve noticed, though, after all this time, I hardly make a miss on ”predicting” pregnancies, to the point of pointing out a baby’s gender & initial state of health when it’s born. I was able to sense my first ever nephew, & one of my friend’s first ever niece, & I tried warning a former coworker about her delicate womb with just one card, but she thought it was her kidney problem that was being described, until we all found out that she had to leave us all a few days after, as conceiving her first ever son was very critical. There are other instances, of course, like my high school buddy Ohwen excitedly telling me that his wife was 18 weeks pregnant right after my reading for him, but I don’t remember telling him it was going to be a girl (I “saw” that he was going to have 2 sons, though, after that). Probably it’d be safe to say that my other coworker’s quite expecting now, too, just when I told her that once she gets pregnant, she should take extra care of herself, especially when work gets highly stressful again (pretty much like what’s happening now, wherein we’re all gasping for air & racking our brains as we’re strapped to our desks, yikes!) & she’s worrying about a million other things at the same time. Yeah, we’re all hoping it’s going to be a girl this time, & we’re excited! ♥ I hope all will be well for her. (EDIT: So far, it did turn out to be a girl, & her name's Amber, & she's Libra just like me!)

Funny, the closest to foreseeing what my future child would be like was only through a dream… that she would have curly red hair (WTF?) & chinky eyes (like mine) & an impish streak & a precocious mind for her age (I’m guessing she was already 3 years old when I saw her yakking to guests & pestering her would-be dad at some lavish garden party while everytime she’d come up to me, all I would say to her was, “Go to your daddy muna, ok, hija?” but I couldn’t remember for the life of me what the heck I was doing back then. What the hell. That dream would recur for a few more times, then it was gone. I think we called the girl Lisa, or Elise, since that was her second name, anyway, but it could also be Cerise because of her red hair, & I like that name, too, seriously. She now reminds me of The Bride’s daughter in the movie Kill Bill: Volume 2. Yay.

But funny how I’ve always written about having a son named Joshua when I was younger, who would be a violinist with a chemical engineering degree like his would-be grandfather (my dad, who else?) & I really wouldn’t want to have kids EVER to begin with.

So, there. I’m not All-Knowing, though, & I didn’t expect a couple of my best friends to be heavy with child until at the last minute. & if there’s one thing I’d like to be spared of while I’m reading, it’s the thought of sex & conception, please. HAHA. I’m sorry, but yours truly is still a prude that way.

While I may be keen with births & motherhood, I’m not as on-the-dot with deaths, as I’d usually find out about what the cards would be telling me about those when it’s all too late to do anything about those, so everytime I’d see warning signs of accidents or the like at bay, I get adamant with my precautions. Sometimes I’d be a big idiot & misinterpret looming reminders, so… sigh. & when I sense people from the dead are trying to make themselves heard despite their demise, I just have to spill the beans about it. It isn’t everyday I get vibes like that, & no, I can’t see dead people even if I want to, but sometimes I can feel when uh, there’s this unmistakable presence or energy around. I don’t know, I must be going crazy, but that’s just how it is. But what’s crazier is when somebody validates my ESP regarding that issue. Too bad I’m no medium or clairvoyant, though, so I really wouldn’t know.

I actually find more peace in cemeteries than in other public places. I actually fear more being with the living than being with the dead. Who cares about zombies & vampires striking in the middle of the night when we have all sorts of those walking among us in broad daylight? But there was this one time when we were passing a long array of funeral homes on our way to a diving site last year, & I could feel Death all over the place. Boy, THAT trip was creepy, I tell you. I swear, NEVER AGAIN. I should’ve purged myself completely of the looming death when I could’ve, but it was too late. The next thing I knew, on our way home, I was already bleeding to death & what ensued after turned out to be one of the worst moments of my life.

I wish I could be better in divining my own future. I find it despicably hard at times to picture myself in a few months. I may follow my gut instincts a lot, but there are times when I’d rather not think nor feel deeply, especially with the way I’d drive myself crazy from overanalyzing things that bother me at the moment. With nobody sensible around to talk to most of the time, I’d end up sulking alone, or distracting myself with whatever I’d deem to be mentally-stimulating & liberating to the point of haphazard. I really can’t pinpoint certain things for other people, either, during readings. When I know something’s wrong & I “see” a lot of turbulent images in my mind but it’s hard to say what those are, I have to stop & take a step back. Other people may find it nonsensical to rely on foresight this way, but I don’t care. This is how I am, & I’ve proven that my so-called ‘paranoia’ & ‘anxiety attacks’ even before I became 16 actually has a basis after all. I miss my kid sister all of a sudden. :(

To spook everyone out further with my drastic mood swings, I’m getting a kick out of remixes of Garbage songs like Stupid Girl (by Todd Terry) & It’s All Over But The Crying. I wish it was just as easy to rehash the past & enjoy the wonderful revision as a result. :(


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