Mercury schmercury

As usual, I've been gone for so long. I'm so sorry. I've been a very sick girl since The Collective Art Fair & I'm still getting my moxie back. I look like shit, I feel like shit. I've treated a few random people like shit, too, unfortunately, just this month. Not even this pricey staycation at a tucked-away chi-chi place in my most favorite city & a getaway to the 2nd best beach destination in the world (my 2nd trip, too, for this year, alone at that!) helped make me feel better. I spent so much on doctor's fees, antihistamines, heavy-duty multivitamins, band-aids (yes, I injured my right thumb while jetskiing, WTF, after my hands went numb from parasailing solo), premier transport services, O2 (that's oxygen for you), cough remedies (Solmux & Sinecod & Strepsils) & ooh, high-grade honey products for this month alone & it's disheartening. Add to that my damaged hair woes, my blotched face (no thanks to allergies & my drat period), & deepening frown/scowl lines from all these complaint letters I had to write this month. Despite my best efforts to stay healthy & sane. I hate this month. What a rip-off. But I'm still happy for them little highlights I've enjoyed. & I have fellow Air signs as loyal clients lately. I'll throw you ladies a surprise, don't worry. But I'm glad my readings are spot-on for them. I just hope it would be like that for the rest of my clientele.

I still have a couple of lengthy emailed readings to send out later today, & I have so many other things to review here, like finally, my own Revelations Tarot deck (YOWZA! THE UNIVERSE LOVES ME!), my new massage oil, my local Ayurveda experience, & this awesome Heal & Energize Your Life talk at my new favorite haunt Corner Tree Cafe that I attended just last week. I've talked to Ms. Rosan Cruz about having a chakra healing seminar, & I'm hoping my friends/students can go before Ms. Moni Platt leaves the country next month. Should be slated around April 5, Maundy Thursday, 9pm-6pm, within Makati. If fellow budding healers/energy workers are interested, please leave a comment here so we can discuss this. The seminar should be limited to 20 people max. I'm hoping I can bring at least 4-6 more people in. I've learned so much during the 2-hour-talk, & it was a wonderful, serendipitous experience. I'm worried it might not push through, but I got the Healing card from my Osho Zen deck (cf. King of Cups) for it, so yeah, I do pray it happens. We really could use it. I've been meaning to study Reiki ever since 2007, for starters, & about time I'd be ready for it.

I'm also trying to tidy up my space. I've figured I'll just stay at home today & finish everything I need to work on. (That's exactly what this Mercury retrograde energy is for, yeah? But if only Mercury didn't have to be in Pisces. I was already revved up when there was a Sun-Mercury Rx conjunct in Aries, only to be stuck like Velcro again, argh.) It was the most quiet Gemini Moon night, btw, I've ever had last night. But the awesome star-studded must-watch feel-good Muppets movie made up for it. Quite fitting to watch during a Mercury in Pisces in retrograde season, eh? "For them lovers, dreamers, & Me." Heh. & I'm beginning to appreciate song-&-dance numbers in movies (especially this fantastic brief [500] Days of Summer moment with Hall & Oates in the background, haha). & by checking my online movie transaction logs, I haven't been to my favorite cinema since August last year! :( So I guess I deserve a break.

& a break I shall continue to have within the year, especially after stumbling upon this article on my News Feed earlier today. HOLY SHIT, THE STORY OF MY LIFE RIGHT HERE!

"Your life is precarious. When you were in high school and college, you treated your mortality like it was a crappy purse. You stomped on it, broke a strap, let a vodka bottle spill out and ruin the leather. You did all of this believing it would all be repaired while you were sleeping, and it usually was. You reach a point, however, when the leather stays torn, when the piece of crap bag becomes beaten beyond repair. Simply put, you have to take a more proactive role in maintaining your happiness and well-being. You’re not just someone watching their own life from afar. You’re in it now. And if you don’t take care of it, it will fall to pieces."

"There’s a certain kind of beauty with being reckless with your body and mind. Closing the chapter on that and actively becoming the person you’re going to be feels great but it’s also a tad bittersweet."

"Sometimes you want to go back to being the person you were before all the bad stuff happened, but you know that’s impossible. So you just bid adieu to that time and look towards your future. (FYI, it looks super bright!)"

& that, ladies & gentlemen, is how I got into Tarot in the 1st place, about 10 years ago. I'm still flailing around. Anyway, I can never thank my friends & eventually family for helping me bounce back from my self-destructive heydays. I'll really just do my best to stay out of trouble from now on, even if my impatience & impetuousness are getting the best of me again. (I promise not to talk to strangers today, lest I'd lash out at them unsuspectingly, under a crazy Sun-Pluto square, on my Lunar return.) I can't believe I'm this old na, even if I still keep getting mistaken for a 25/27- year-old brat. I miss my youth, but I'm just so glad I'm at this stage in my life where I'm really beginning to enjoy my existence as I now know my purpose more here. I just don't want to be too serious yet like how I've been ever since, & I've been contemplating on childlessness like hell earlier. I mean, if you've been reading this blog since day one, or if you know me in person, you should know by now I don't want kids EVER. (OK, maybe just one, if I do get married, haha, whateverrr, but I'll be 40 in a few years & I'm still not taking care of myself as much as I'm supposed to? So how's that gonna happen? No, I don't want to read my cards about it.)

(& no thanks to that article as well as this season, I've been thinking again about how I've made my ex-fiance suffer so much when all he wanted primarily was to be just some "gas filler" (& I'd be Lightning McQueen, LOL) even if he did promise to laze around a beach in possibly Corsica with me, among other things, if we do manage to grow old together. Today is his 30th birthday, actually, & I can only wish him the best from afar this way. [Yes, I'm quite older than him, but quite as immature.] I still love him for being so kind to me during our time together, but maybe being apart like this is much better for the both of us in the long run. I'm still hoping he's already forgiven me, even if it's all I've ever asked the heavens after our disdainful breakup.)

Anyway, my scatterbrained self is going off-tangent again. But lemme share with you how last night's coincidental Twitter discussion was about The Empress card. I've befriended a young artist who's getting to learn how to read Tarot & when I RT'd The Tarot Lady's draw of the Empress reversed, she mentioned she got her, too. So I asked her what does She represent to you now? So she gave me the usual meaning for it, while I said, literally, it could mean me taking myself out on a date (again), honoring myself, having a Me Party, & Miss Piggy declaring herself irreplaceable. HAHA. No, seriously. Tarot's much more fun to learn when you begin to realize how literal they can be (& that's how you get crazy accurate readings sometimes). #tarottips

I'll probably hold another Tarot-reading workshop in May. I can't wait to surf + skimboard (this was actually fun this month, haha) next month & then laze around a much quieter beach weeks after. I believe in signs all the more now, & I know I'll be back by the sea once I'm done. But first, must declutter, must email, must revamp this blog layout (watch out for a really girly display, haha), & must realign everything else. I've wasted too much time already on a wrong platform so I'm working my way back here. :)

come on, let's die until we live — part #445979

I wish I wasn't so tired from last week, but I am. I'm fine, nevertheless. But I'm feeling more & more irritable lately. Could be PMS again, or the Mercury retrograde unleashing its wrath before it finally ends this weekend. Despite a wonderful breakfast & a nice cold bath with great-smelling stuff this morning, I cried myself to sleep again. (Well, long story. It wasn't just something I did out of the blue. It's just too heart-wrenching to talk about in detail at this time.) Not even making a quick trip to our usual fantastic weekend market yesterday to have lunch with my Breakfast Club helped. I really need a break, & I can't wait for the next weekend.

(Anyway, I had shepherd's pie there in lieu of my staple lasagna, Chinese shrimp dumplings, & my favorite Wagyu beef shawarma, then washed it all down with cold Coke Zero. YUM! I was so full that I didn't eat until this morning, & I think I dozed off just before 9pm last night, hehe, yikes. Gott Sie Dank! It was also fun catching the cool resident saxophonist there, who played the Super Mario Brothers theme just before we left, whee! That so cracked me up.)

I'm also happy for the new sheer blue-&-gold starry pouch I got for my Mystic Faerie Tarot deck from my cute Breakfast Club cohort / mommy-figure Joy. :D The original orange organza pouch that came with the set was ripped & I keep forgetting to have it sewn back into place. I'm bad with needlework, as you may know. I'm a disgrace to the female species like that, hehe. I keep forgetting to pick up a nice pouch or two at this novelty store in the mall closest to our office. I forgot I left it in my locker at work along with my old Sacred Rose deck, & so while I was rearranging my cards in the pantry, & my friends had to pick me up to have our perpetual after-shift meal, she handed it to me, & she'll fix my other pouch when she gets the chance to do so, yay. Pardon the blurry shot yet again.



Remember how I wanted the Manga Tarot by Selena Lin & the Tarot of the Magical Forest for my birthday last year? That was also included in my wish list back then. Just when I thought it'd be impossible to score one for myself, my esoteric pal Francisbear was nice enough to tip me where to find one, & it was magically close to work even! I got it reserved, but the first deck I got had the Ace to the Eight of Pentacles missing (gadzooks!) & I demanded for a replacement. Good thing the bookstore was prompt with the response, & so on my actual birthday I went back & got my final set. :D

The Mystic Faerie Tarot deck is so light-hearted & easy on the eyes, & it's my other most popular deck, next to my Golden Tarot by Kat Black. The latter, however, is a more morose choice, but people seem to like it because of its golden edges & classic appeal. The former is good to use around teenagers (my youngest querent ever was 7 years old, though!) & girls/women in my age bracket. The last card I got from it earlier before putting it back in order was the Knight of Cups, which was surprisingly what the last card as well in the Sacred Rose deck. Too bad I can't find images of that anywhere, but oh, look, there's a 2009 Calendar for the deck from the illustrator. The Knights in the deck are female, btw, as are the Knaves. I like the Knight of Swords best, who looks prettiest, methinks, but the Knight of Cups was a welcome sight to behold just the same, if we were to consider its divinatory meaning.



Lo, & behold, the proverbial knight in shining armor, all dreamy, hopefully with love.
Taken from the Sacred Rose Tarot deck.

I hope it also means I could have a chance to visit Spain one day, haha, especially with this blurb I got in my e-mail. Madrid, here I come! Seriously, it's one of the least thought-of destinations I have in my list, as I'd rather bask in Iceland for the full exotic experience, but I can't help it. I wonder if I'll ever get to travel with a lover there, HAHA, or meet someone who could eventually sweep me off my feet when I least expect it again. Not that I really care. I still find romance & dating cheesy, even if what I feel now is like what Kristin Scott Thomas said in Four Weddings & A Funeral,

"Well, the truth is, I have met the right person, and he's not in love with me,
and until I stop loving him, no one else really has a chance."

Sigh. That's one quote from that movie that will forever be etched upon memory.

Maybe I should just really get more sleep to prepare for the whole new week ahead. I love what Tarot.com has to say about what's in store for me this season:

In your 9th House of Expansion, the Sun stirs up your desire to step outside your comfort zone and explore new territory. Unplug from the busyness of daily life to travel, meditate, and get a higher perspective on ordinary reality. The Super-Conjunction helps you identify what you need to release to free up more space for fun, romance and creative pursuits. Take the risk of making your happiness a top priority.

So dead-on, I tell you. I'm revisiting yoga & food trips like what I keep babbling in my older posts. I'm also focusing on my Warbook mage (Level 46 FTW!) especially with all these other empires to pillage, hehe. I'll just make do further with what I have & try not to kill myself during off-peak hours. My horoscope was so accurate, too, for yesterday:

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 -- You may be tired of always being the one who's nice to others while they don't even notice much of what you do. This is tricky ground, for part of your graciousness comes from the fact that it really makes you feel good. If you're doing things for social approval, however, then your frustration can grow when you're not being appreciated. Instead of harboring any resentment today, just retreat a bit until you are in better spirits.

Yeah, I'm taking a long break, lest I'd snap again & totally lose it. Which brings me to my actual topic in mind, but I guess that will have to wait until tomorrow.

For now, let me just note how this is an interesting take on clutter:

The location of clutter in an environment, reveals the content of a person's inner struggle. The absence of disorder empowers us. As we are connected by energy to everything in our environment...you might want to review the following and check to see where you may be struggling in your life:

Entrance door = Fear of relationships
Inside closets = Unwilling to examine emotions
In Kitchen = Resenting/overwhelmed by caretaking
Next to Bed = Desire for change or escape
On Desk = Frustration, fear of letting go, or need to control
In a corner or behind a door = Detachment from others
Under a piece of furniture = Importance of appearances
In a cellar = Procrastination
In an attic = Living in the past
In a garage = Inability to actualize
All over = Lack of self-love or anger and self-loathing

Oh, heavens, no. :))