labor of love

Reading tarot is a very cumbersome task, I kid you not. There are times that I just want to drop dead after a single session, & the so-called compensation I get from my whimsical hobby actually borders on pathetic more than I would want to admit. I’ve realized ever since that massages & other forms of relaxation get to be more of a necessity than anything else in this line of work, & that’s why it’s costly to be me sometimes LOL. Reading tarot is just as stressful & gruelling as any other job that requires further study & training, & let me clobber anyone else who’d dare to declare otherwise. I’m not sure if I’m ready to dabble into it full-time, i.e. professionally, & it’s hard to savor nicer memories with my loyal patrons at this rate just to remind me how I’d kill for this job everytime because I’m really exhausted with my other duties, & the commute to & fro alone is maddening. Maybe all I need is just more sleep on my days-off & that extensive weekly massage spree again. Yeah, give me that for Christmas & I can finally die happy. ♥ Oh, wait, throw in a trip back to Sha Tin for at least the weekend & THENNNNN…

Honestly, I don’t feel the Yuletide spirit even despite all the tinsel, carols, lanterns, Christmas perks (like free food & discounts), gifts I’ve received & need to give in turn at work, & the spiels I’m compelled to blurt out on the phone with customers from my day job. Somebody stop me from morphing into the Grinch before Tuesday.

good vibrations

Happy birthday to my loyal client Sharon! ♥ I'm glad that our session's finally pushed through, & I'm really sorry for the long delay. I'm glad things are looking up for you & that my readings are very much in sync with your issues at the moment. Thank you as well for the much-needed wake-up call for my silly dilemma, haha.

on self-management

You have no idea how I keep struggling with this since this year began.

quid pro quo

For this season, get a free reading for every successful referral. But I really can’t do pro bono anymore, as it is too cumbersome. Please give me full-fledged support & I’ll definitely return the favor, satisfaction guaranteed.

Anyway, first-timers are entitled to a What Is Your Destiny? spread (from this nifty selection I’ve picked up a few years ago, & I try to stick to established spreads than make my own in the meantime) to jazz things up, haha, if it applies:

1) Will my life change soon?
2) Will a new relationship be exciting?
3) What chance is there for my ex-lover’s return?
4) What is my potential to win or inherit money?
5) Is there a trip in the future?
6) Am I working out my karma?
7) Will I live a long & happy life?
8) Will I marry more than once?

First 3 cards go up from the right, next 3 go up at the left, last 2 up at the center. I realized people like this set of questions anyway, unless they have something very specific in mind, like about their career or lovelife, sans the frivolities of this spread. Haha, I’m tempted to try this layout again for kicks & post the details here, but maybe later when I’m feeling more awake.

the daydream cycle begins now

Libra
(Sep 23 - Oct 22)

Aesthetically pleasing Venus is your key planet, making you sensitive to her current visitation to your sign. The days and weeks month ahead remind you how important it is for you to take care of your need for beauty. Start out by making a commitment to yourself to make new friends, be more social, and to indulge your senses. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your pleasures.

HAHA. Ironically, I would rather catch up on sleep, sit at my favorite spot at work (which I’ve dutifully wiped clean ten times with antibacterial wipes), sulk by my youngest sister’s grave in peace, & get a massage as well as my hair done as soon as I can. Monday should be a good time to reconnect with a client, & I’m happy to say that all of my decks have already been ‘recharged’.

so dead on this morning LOL

Libra
(Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You know how to work others, turning a difficult circumstance into an enjoyable time. Today, however, your positive attitude may not be strong enough to overcome the residual negativity, no matter how much sugar you pile onto the situation. Although emotional satisfaction is hard to come by now you’ll be able to get on with your day and finish the work that must be completed. You can at least take pride in what you do.

when did my heart go missing?

That is just so awesome. Now, how to figure out to fix the subtly annoying page errors & post the Seven Prime Things I Have To List Down to illustrate my own examples to my clients. Writing is therapeutic, yes, & self-knowledge can be madly fun, but for some reason I can’t even find my scribbled top lists to begin with.

Anyway, let me post this as a reminder that I should take care of myself while working. My new reading schedule at this point would be every Tuesday & Saturday (the earlier the better, starting at 9am). Let me know. Please stand by for inevitable sudden changes, however.

anniversaire blues

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting so far. I’ve been just busy with work & my overall Life, & believe me, just when I thought I was already able to adjust with my schedule, I then have to live with shiftings & get my comfort zone shaken. But I’m alright. Even if my birthday wasn’t really happy to begin with – no thanks to this season’s Mercury retrograde — I’m glad to be back. So I have readings to do later after work, courtesy of my old blogging friend, & I hope everything goes well. I’ve also asked a coworker to read for me when I get back from my rest day. Somehow I can’t wait for my vacation leaves this weekend to clear my head & get away from the world, but I dread the outcome as well. I should post a reading for myself before the trip, but first, let me say that I got a new copy of my Mythic Tarot last month to give my old deck a break, & I also got a new feng shui kit, but I haven’t got around to making major arrangements on my bedroom yet, save for the new sheets I got on sale. :/

It’ll be my first blogging anniversary this weekend. I should come up with specials for referrals but all I have at the moment to offer is free readings for every nice enough referee. So that being said, my blogging friend gets one on me just in time for her birthday next month. :D WTG, Lorna!

Let me also note how I find it interesting that most of our clientele in my day job are born in September & are coincidentally Virgos. Librans get approved for their applications, too, a lot, but not as much as Virgos do. It doesn’t matter what their genders or their ages are, but their Sun sign prevails. I also can’t help but ponder on how I tend to enjoy readings the most for strong-willed young women. It’s even funny how our lives are so parallel even if we all come from different backgrounds. I’d understand if friends who go together to see me for a consultation are on the same wavelength, so to speak, but feeling euphoric after meeting a complete stranger & realizing we’re in the same boat somehow is always a treat. There’s no difference whether or not they’re born under Fire or Earth or Water or fellow Air — I like it how things are more often than not surreal. Don’t I just love synchronicity.

Let me leave you with this wonderful insight I derived from a self-help book written by Julia Cameron before I babble some more: “Blocked artists aren’t lazy. They’re just blocked.” God, I feel more than that. Like, suicidal.

on yin & yang

I’m sick again & I hate it. I can barely concentrate but I might as well make an update here. So far, I’ve lost one potential client because of the weather, but I had my best friend pay me for a reading this week & I’ll be meeting a new one next week. As usual, proceeds will go to maintaining my departed youngest sister’s stead & Catholic Mass offerings, but I’m really happy how things are turning out. Now all I have to do is get my voice back & be strong enough to conduct sessions & resume my usual credit verification duties.

There are a few cards I want to discuss today. These cards usually are alarming once they’re drawn, but looking at them more closely gives a whole new perspective.

First off, the Three of Swords. In order to come to a conclusion with one’s misery, one must bridge the gap between one’s thoughts & feelings. The head & the heart may say different things, but if one can reach a compromise between opposing stances, then enlightenment will arise. How Zen.

Then the Seven of Wands, as aptly put by Kat Black of the Golden Tarot, reminds us to take a stand in order for us to rise above our struggles, to never give up, as long as we know we’re in the right of way.

As for the Devil, it can be a sign that you are gaining control, or at least awareness, of your weaknesses or addictions. Time to step up & fully overcome all that.

Lastly, the Moon can only mean one thing: that the Seeker should have more sleep to regain energy & calm his agitated mind. In conjunction with the card’s traditional meaning, dreams have an important message & we should pay close attention to whatever we remember.

There’s something scary about the Nine of Coins that I perceived last month, but for the life of me, I can’t remember now. Seeing her cloaked in black & gold is charming & disturbing at the same time.



I wonder where this sense of dread is coming from.

Anyway, the yearly book fair that I’m always excited about is just around the corner, & I can’t wait to check out the goods at discount prices available. Will I get a new deck this time? I sure hope so!

this is a list of what Tarot helps you to do

TEN SIMPLE WAYS TO SAVE YOURSELF
FROM MESSING UP YOUR LIFE

1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.


2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.


3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.


4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?


5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.


6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.


7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.


8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.


9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a less serious mental disability fail to understand this.


10. Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.

I just had to swipe this from somebody else’s blog & post it here. LOL numbers still have mystical significance, though, even if I hate mathematics to begin with & I hate keeping score, too. Oh, & numbers are very important things in terms of money. Pay attention to them in that perspective, STAT! Things are always easier said than done, but Tarot or a trusted confidante for that matter makes them less painful to deal with.

sometimes the hardest person to trust is oneself

Where logic & analysis fail, intuition saves the day. I have to admit I’m still panic-stricken with self-doubt & -deprecation, so it’s always a vicious cycle for me to get reaaaaaally indecisive & make last-minute changes, because I can’t really deal with spontaneity sometimes. But everytime I’d pay careful attention to what my Inner Me has to let known right then & there, it’s always a big relief. There are moments I get upset when my hunches steer me clear of what I’ve originally planned ahead, but I know I should TRULY listen & feel them, & realize that this is all for my own benefit & well-being. The trouble lies when the lines blur between what my whims dictate & what my conscience advises.

on the path to reinvention, part 1

I guess in this modern world we can never stress the importance of taking our own sweet time, but we should, before we go kaput. Maybe we think drowning our sorrows in the hustle & bustle of work is a superb option, but it does not really go that way. I miss doing yoga. That helps clear my mind, even if the pain is too great sometimes & I can’t do all the poses just yet. But it helps me be more patient with myself, so there. Especially when I don’t have anyone else worthwhile to talk to, & I need to be in touch with my thoughts at some point, unlike when I’m getting a massage.

I should take some pointers from the Temperance card, on how to bridge the gap between my Inside Self & my Outside Self, as well as between my needs vs my wants, & then my fears vs my hopes, & my inner Child & older Adult, among other things I need to synchronize. Being a Libran is painstaking sometimes.



Isn’t she a beaut? Taken from the Feng Shui Tarot deck.

I just hate somewhat the fact that self-evolution is a lifelong process. But I guess the moral of the story should be one should never give up on the very being that propels him or her on this plane. The question, though, is, “HOW?”

8 of Coins + 4 of Swords = the daily grind

Being the Queen of Swords is not much fun as one grows older, but I think this was so dead on according to Llewellyn.com:

Even if she appears mild-mannered,
at her core she remains an independent, even rebellious spirit.

So this independent to the point of rebellious spirit is celebrating her fifth anniversary of immersing in the art of Tarot this month up to her birthday in September. What does she have to offer? You’ll know once her next scheduled vacation leaves come in a couple of weeks.

For now, this week has been a breeze, in the sense that there’s not much negativity unleashed during my day job, maybe because it’s the 4th of July, haha, even if the work hours are crazy to make up for the holiday gap. I dread the Yuletide then.

Anyway, it’s the drat time of the month again, & I feel half-dead & bloated. No wonder I’m crankier & thirstier than the usual, but at least I’m off my antibiotics now which were making my day job more difficult than supposed to, & what I need to do then is just drink more water.

My reading schedule for now will be every Saturday morning (post-shift) & Monday nights (before 9PM). E-mail requests can be granted but please allow 7-10 days for processing, hehe. Work is taking its toll, so I need dire concentration for optimum results.

on hellbenders, et al

If it weren’t for a fellow tarot enthusiast’s reminder, I wouldn’t have realized that we’d be under the influence of a Uranus retrograde. Usually unexpected things happen, & this weekend was no exception: heavy rain dampening plans, recurring dreams of my departed sister, & another emergency sick leave just before Saturday, no thanks to overdosing on energy drinks to keep me from rambling atrocities to customers or worse, snoring while processing BAU. All I did then was doze in & out of consciousness & binge on junk food. I rearranged my room at the last minute when I realized I still was having trouble relaxing. To keep everyone posted on astrological nuances, here’s the rest of the list. Btw, Uranus will stay on retrograde until November 25.

• Jupiter - April 5 to August 7


• Neptune - May 24 to October 31


• Pluto - March 31 to September 8


• Venus - July 27 to September 8

Talk about hullabaloo. No wonder most readings pertaining to the future I’ve cast produced murky results: the multiple planetary retrogrades are to blame! But the full moon on Saturday should be an auspicious time for recharging, not to mention that it will be technically payday by that time, hehe.

I just have to give my late condolences to our guest auric reader + dream interpreter’s father. He passed away right before Father’s Day, & up to now I haven’t heard from my associate, except that she wanted Card Captor Sakura movies & her mother is currently hospitalized. I wonder when will I ever see her again at this point.

& this reading is so dead-on:

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You may be pushing yourself to simplify your life. On the other hand, the circumstances around simplification can become so complicated that there is no obvious next step. Paradoxically, your lack of clarity is now your best friend. When you admit your vulnerability, you begin to make real gains. Once you are truthful about what you want, you will become more certain about what you need to do in order to make it possible.

Time to be re-enlightened.

horoscopic love

This is what I got for this week:

You usually like to see the best in people and to operate in a milieu of congeniality. It is important to you that you live in pleasant and congenial surroundings, and you do not normally enjoy having confrontations with people, especially those close to you.

On Friday, the Moon enters your sign of Libra and you should find that over the weekend your emotions are in sync with your sense of self. You may take time off from your dilemma, and pamper yourself in one way or another.

Oh, I totally agree with the last paragraph! But it’s always like that every days-off, so does that mean I should take extra effort this weekend? I was supposed to go back to my health club this afternoon, but I had to reschedule. I almost forgot that we’re experiencing the 2nd of the year, & we’re in a fix until July 10th. That explains how my computer would crash every so often at work, & how I’m moodier than the usual. But thank God for my new boss — I’m so filing another vacation leave for the 25th, just before my behavioral coaching follow-up. Anyway, in line with one of my clients’s first tarot anniversary with me, I’m posting this. Thanks Astrocenter.com:

June 21 is the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ancient peoples considered it Midsummer rather than the first day of the season, a tradition that continues in some cultures today. In Western astrology, it’s the day the Sun enters Cancer, the sign of home, family, and roots. Of course, it’s also vacation time, when we can get out of the busy work cycle and have time for ourselves. Whatever the Solstice means for you, don’t let this important midpoint of the year pass without marking it in a special way. At the very least, stop and take stock of what you’ve accomplished so far this year and what you still have to do to fulfill your dreams.

I’m reading for her & a couple of her friends tomorrow.

This card (actually from the Mythic deck, with the spectacular Helen on Troy depicted) has been bugging me for days now:



The catch phrase, according to my lunchmate at work, would have to be: “serene or sad?” Honestly, I dunno. Schizophrenic?

The Queen of Cups in the Ukiyoe deck (shown above) is one of the reasons why I wanted to learn the Tarot so much & get my hands on a deck ASAP 5 years ago. Because I love basically Japanese everything, the color pink, & illustration of lovely women (especially when they’re princesses or queens) not to mention what the Court Card in question generally signifies, there we go. Isn’t she lovely? Will I ever become as pretty & poised as she is? Haha. Coincidentally, the 2nd Merc ret is in Cancer, & this lovely figure can either correspond to Cancer & Scorpio. I just love synchronicity.

on treading carefully

Because The Dream Hunters is always a good book to read when it’s raining (while I’m stuck at home for my 2nd sick leave for this year, no thanks to acute pharyngitis, & I’m definitely going to see a chiropractor after payday), I then decided to surf for more Yoshitaka Amano art, & found out that he actually has created a tarot deck. I’m not sure if I want it, but I’m totally entranced with The Devil & The Tower cards, haha. Somebody slap me. Nothing beats the most foreboding image of The Lord of Dreams, though. ♥ This leads me to ponder harder on the Strength card then.

death = the high cost of living?*

I went home this morning with a sore lower back, & all the while I was thinking if my kidneys are already at stake, with my mom’s beratings & the fact that I’ve been taking antibiotics haphazardly after the past couple of weeks that I’ve been sick for a couple of days. But much to relief, when I woke up, the pain was gone. That’s what I get, I guess, for improper posture, for an imbalanced diet, for stressing myself out silly at work, & for not getting enough sleep. I just hope there won’t be any more pain this week. Last Saturday & Sunday my back was extremely painful, & despite the massage (& should I mention the wonderful blue marine body scrub formula?) I really couldn’t muster going home in an instant. I better make the most of my vacation leave then this Friday by paying attention to my derailing health (& I might to go to a high-end tarot reading session in the afternoon for myself).

Funny how I chanced upon reading this first thing after waking up this afternoon in my e-mail:

Brain Damaging Habits

1. No Breakfast

People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating

It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking

It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer's disease.

4. High Sugar Consumption

Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution

The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation

Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head Covered While Sleeping

Sleeping with the head covered, increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decreases concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain-damaging effects.

8. Working Your Brain During Illness

Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in Stimulating Thoughts

Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely

Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

Le sigh.

Speaking of good conversation, I’d like to thank the people I’ve come across this year who’d sit down & take time to share their thoughts & whatnot with me. I’m happy with your trust & confidence, even if I’m not so much an engaging storyteller or talker anymore. My newly-acquired speech impediments brought upon by ‘brain damage’ (haha) become evident during work, whenever I stammer, stutter, & slur my way out of things that demand verbal/mental precision & confidence, but that’s just how wasted I am lately. The only time when I’d totally feel like I’m in my league is when I babble about tarot, & too bad I wasn’t able to lug around my decks the last time I went out for tea with a friend. It just feels weird how I, the alleged Poster Girl of Dysfunction, would need to talk about topics for the regular Jane like romance & relationships & the struggle for independence ironically + the savvy girl lifestyle, & I’m not even sure how people would take my word for it when I present myself to the world with mismatching clothes & unruly hair & eyebags & flabs & a current fancy for red nail polish (which for me, is the new black, thanks to Essie in Long Stem Roses & Red Diamond for that Bathory-esque goth feel, LOL j/k eww I’m never really fond of blood). I’m never girlfriend material, & I’ve come to terms with that, but everybody does feel the same way about certain things, & only with my detached perspective can I sanely talk about loneliness. I’ve had enough rationalization about feelings, & what occupies my thoughts now as I age is how to maintain what’s left of my health & how to obtain a stable career despite the former. Oh, God, I really now feel ancient at this point, & I’m not even 30 just yet! Oh, & guess what, check out my new personal anthem at the moment!

Perhaps what I’m really trying to say in this post is that, just what is really the point of staying alive? Yes, even ’soothsayers’ like me must get stuck in a plateau somehow, even when I thought I’ve got it all figured out a couple of years or so ago. Maybe it’s the remainder of my youth that gets me confused, especially when I still have no idea what I really want for myself to the point of actually striving hard for it. Is it really loneliness underneath it all? Or confusion? Or a bit of both? Osho said it once in his Transformation Tarot deck that we must not hurry in our journey to reach God’s doorstep, because once we get there quick, what then? Shouldn’t we even try to enjoy the course of our getting there to begin with?

The 42nd card of that said deck has this to say about the subject:

Have you ever taken note of one thing?–the present is always juicy, the present is always blissful. Worry and suffering are created either by what you wanted to do in the past and could not do, or by what you want to do in the future and don’t know whether you will be able to do or not. Did you ever notice, did you ever look at this small truth, that there is no suffering in the present, there is no worry? This is why the present does not disturb the mind–anxiety disturbs the mind.

There is no suffering in the present. The present doesn’t know suffering–the present is such a small moment that suffering cannot fit into it. In the present only heaven can fit, not hell. Hell is too big! The present can only be peace, can only be happiness.

PFFT. Talk about sans souci. As if one can really relax in this day & age!

The moment you rest, the moment you relax, you know that existence is already going, moving, reaching towards higher peaks. And you are part of it. You need not have separate ambitions.

This is relaxation–resting, dropping all private goals, dropping the whole achieving mind, all the ego projections. And then life is a mystery. Your eyes will be full of wonder; your heart will be full of awe.

We are not to become something–we are already it. This is the whole message of all the awakened ones: that you are not to achieve something, it has already been given to you. It is God’s gift. You are already where you should be, you can’t be anywhere else. There is nowhere to go, nothing to achieve. Because there is nowhere to go and nothing to achieve, you can celebrate. Then there is no hurry, no worry, no anxiety, no anguish, no fear of being a failure. You can’t fail. In the very nature of things it is impossible to fail, because there is no question of success at all.

That was pretty intense, wasn’t it? Perhaps you’re now thinking, what does he mean by “no success at all”? Is nothingness to nothingness really the whole journey? Like what I’ve read recently, what’s so scary about “from ashes to ashes, from dust to dust” when it just practically means that since we’re from the Earth, we must go back to Her loving arms when it’s time, just like everything else?

OK, enough about waxing philosophical over the inevitably obvious. Sorry for the morbid undertones. I therefore conclude that whatever happens to us now (& I pray for the best, always) shouldn’t be too much of a hindrance to making us seek for peace of mind & stability. & I do believe that if preparing for a vacation is more of a pain in the neck than anything fun, I might as well just get some sleep in the confines of my own lurid room. Thank God for airconditioning.

*I also have to thank Neil Gaiman & Tori Amos for the title of this post.

how much will you sell your soul for if you had the chance?

This is what I’m currently reading even if I’ve bought the book for a long time now. It’s practically an interesting read, but I don’t recommend it to beginners. I have the old rendition, which also includes the Minor Arcana, & I have to admit the content (even the deck images themselves) are very thought-provoking, so as much as possible, I use the cards sparingly. Rachel Pollack has done a great job here redefining what confusing cards like the Tower & the Moon are really about, & reiterating meanings for Strength & Death. Will post details later.

Anyway, this news is rather amusing, haha. I wonder if I’ll be content to sell my soul for a mere $504, j/k. But seriously, it’s a great way of bridging differences, & hopefully, even despite proselytization, religious believers & non-believers alike would have better rapport in the future. Nothing is impossible with open-minded communication after all!

update coming up — watch this get full-blown

Sometimes I find it funny when I get jokes from guys asking me if I ever get to predict critical stuff happening around us, like about my current health condition (astrology helped me this time last Monday) & one of my batchmates’s quitting a long time ago (the first to go from our class a couple of months back, & no, even I didn’t see that coming, as I wasn’t attuned to her that time). Do people think I’m a total quack or something when I need to focus on more pressing matters like work & other Pentacles-related concerns, like family & sanity (oh, that falls under the suit of Swords as well) sans my beloved deck of cards?

happy Earth day!

Taken from my most favorite tarot resources:


Knight of Pentacles

Try to keep your feet on the ground at this time. You may be offered an opportunity to lead others towards material prosperity, and they might count on you to be the one who has the practical plan, has organized the event, or set the budget. You may not feel adequately compensated for your efforts, but try to let your compassion and nurturing nature balance that out. If there is something weighing heavily on your mind at this time, pausing to consider your options and the possible ramifications of your choice may be wise, for without hesitation or a certain amount of careful consideration, you could end up in deep water, lose your way, or otherwise end up on a shaky foundation. More than likely, you are trustworthy, compassionate, stable, and honest, and it is this combination of qualities that help others to feel comfortable putting their faith in you, even if at times, you feel dull, anxious, or pressured by the heavy burden of your responsibilities.

Pretty relevant card, I should say. Learn more about it here.

Do you think we’ll ever get to see this spectacle? Or did it just pass me by again because I was too tired yesterday? I’ll try to catch it tonight if possible.

& this is why I’m a big fan of spas. Heck, even if it doesn’t really show & I still need to find the perfect facialist, all I care about is feeling comfortable & satisfied with myself, especially with the way things are going with my life.

Funny, I don’t have dry eyes. My eyes are always watery as heck when I’m tired, but I am pretty much dehydrated most of the time, especially this summer. But remind me to get Visine & to maximize my breaks more efficiently.

Thank you, JR, for finally getting the drat anti-spam app working for this blog. I am sick of crazy non-related automated messages flooding this site, & finally I can allow automatic acceptance of comments. Well, maybe not now, though.

for me, Mental Health Day is always every other day

Sometimes it’s just too hard to follow good advice & succumb to old, more comfortable ways. Especially when you’re on your way to splendid brokedom come & getting undisturbed sleep for 6 hours just don’t cut it.

In other news, I’m just happy that Saturn’s finally turning direct this week! One retrograde down, 2 more to go. Are you feeling the heat? Let’s all strive to rise above the ashes!

whimsical is my game

I’m thrilled to realize that Miss Potter was like a Tarot journey of some sorts. She started out as The Fool & ended up being in the 9 of Coins, with her being the Queen of Coins, of course. Yes, even Death & the Tower were featured, & I cried heaps as I watched their manifestations, like what I did during Bridge to Terabithia (which, btw, sucked). She reminds me of my own self (especially with our view on marriage & maternal issues, HAH!) as well as of my dear late quirky youngest sister (for their penchance in adorable art & whatnot). I loved Peter Rabbit. He was my first ever fanfiction inspiration (I started writing it when I was 6, but the story dwindled into utter belligerence as I myself was constantly breaking the rules by skipping school & getting into fights with boys up to the 4th grade) & I still feel compelled to collect his books, if not give them away to my nephew & godkids. I love this movie, & yet I don’t readily recommend it to everyone, unless you’re in dire need of a diversion from your usual fare, & you like breathtaking countrysides scenes. I’m such a girl that way.

I also would have to congratulate Ly for getting his Vanessa Tarot published & released (by U.S. Games Systems, no less! OMG!) overseas (as usual). We deserve to go to next week’s annual Tarot Readers Studio in New York, but maybe I’ll just wait until next year, as soon as I get enough vacation leaves or so. Sigh.

I bought the Winter 2006 issue of Yoga Life & I’m thinking of snagging this book as well while everything’s on sale, but maybe tomorrow. I still have to go through this resource before anything else readable, anyway.

As for today’s Tarot card, let me change the sheets & rearrange my stuff before I can draw something significant.

back from a reluctant hiatus

I know, I’ve been gone for so long! It’s been a month since I’ve signed up for that new day job, & it’s been 3 months since I’ve attended my usual yoga class. It’s also been 3 months since I’ve lived in wedge sandals & slacks, & a month since my last paid reading. This year has been intense + gruelling, but looking back, it’s actually pretty manageable, but I tend to panic easily & take things way too seriously. Well, you know how first-timers are sometimes, so please bear with me. I also just recovered from the proverbial flu, sigh.

Anyway, my usual Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday schedules are now non-applicable at this point. I’m very much free on early Saturdays & Mondays (at least before 7PM), & I’m willing to set aside my “lunchtime” at 12MN for a session on weekdays, at least for the next couple of weeks. Please note that I have to rush back to the 6th floor (message me for details) HAHA at least 10 minutes before my clock-in, but I’ll gladly provide follows-up via e-mail. :)

With that said, I’d like to thank my loyal patrons for visiting me last night & providing me very good feedback about my service. :) I really wish you ladies all the best. Cards to signify us for this week? The Queen of Wands, 9 of Cups, & Temperance. Why? You’ll know in a bit.

To share my usual personal horoscope reading online:

Why exactly do you want to be in this situation again? If a once-stimulating tableau feels like it’s on the verge of getting out of control, take a step back. Do you really want to keep heading down this path?

Definitely not. Time to shape up then.

Anyway, about the cards I was able to draw...

The Queen of Wands signifies our passionate approach to life, whether regarding work, relationships, or self-empowerment in particular. We tend to be choosy with a lot of things, & we may not take NO for an answer, so we better take care not to take things too seriously when they don’t go the way we want them to be.

The 9 of Cups is of course, the fabled Wish Card, & at this point we must be very careful with whatever we wish for. Nevertheless, this is a good indication that we’ll have a great year, so now the problem lies in whether we can actually relax & savor everything!

As for the Temperance card, this is where the relaxing, thanksgiving, & time-juggling should fit in. The question is, how are we going to achieve a balance amidst all the challenges & commotion? :)

happy New Year, happy New You

I’m sorry for being very busy & tired this month that I have not much time & energy left to update. However, I’m really happy & thankful for my newfound clients (hopefully we’re all friends now), & I hope that I’ve been able to help you sort out your issues. To celebrate our 13th post, hehe, I would like to share some of these insights gleaned from Christine Jette’s Tarot Shadow Work target="new" book. 2007 is, after all, a good year for change, & reassessing ourselves is all an inevitable part of that. Change has to begin within ourselves, & yes, even yours truly is dealing with it now (like getting a new day job supposedly). May these lines from our featured book be enlightening for you:

Any type of therapy or spiritual system that moves us closer to a state of wholeness is worthy of our attention. Whatever works, works.

We can certainly plan & have a direction, but the results may be different from anything we could ever imagine on our own.

Change is not an orderly & coherent process, but a complex, lovely, & sometimes frightening mess.

How can I support others while allowing them their own truths?

By taking loving care of ourselves each & everyday, the future unfolds & takes care of itself.

Yes, sometimes we need temporary teachers & guides, but we forget we all have the answers about ourselves inside us — if we learn to trust our inner knowledge.

So the idea is to be open to other forms of healing, counselling, & expression. Never underestimate your gut feelings, & always pray for guidance & consolation when in dire stress. The question stated above is my principal role/mission/objective as a reader. It is indeed great responsibility for me to disseminate necessary & relevant information & advice. I hope the said question will also help you in your introspection & in your daily work. We cannot just impose our beliefs & feelings on anyone; we have to consider everyone else’s differences & sentiments. We need to understand others & to meet all difficulties in life with a joyful heart. We need to be able to pass on that spirit of benevolence to whoever we’re helping at the moment as well. It’s pretty much a huge challenge, & so I apologize at this point if I would rather not delve on a subject fully when reading in public. Some subjects are quite touchy, & I would like to keep my vow of confidentiality. I can reschedule at a later, more conducive-for-trust-&-communication time for querents with rather delicate issues.

Our card for this post would then be the High Priestess. According to Christine Jette, the ff. are the High Priestess’s gifts & lessons to the querent:

• balancing intellect & intuition
• making logical decisions based on intuition
• involvement with a group of women
• exploring the unconscious
• seeking hidden knowledge through dreams, images, feelings, art, tarot, & astrology
• seeking a counselor to help you explore things unseen

It’s always advisable to seek help when we can’t take it anymore. Especially regarding heartbreak & singlehood. We are all entitled to our own sense of privacy & seclusion, but let us consider all aspects first before making an important choice or undertaking a new endeavor, & if weighing all that muddles us, let us feel free to ask for assistance. Going that extra mile in terms of counsel, research, meditation, & rest will definitely benefit the querent in more ways than one.

So, yes, I wish you all the best of luck, & I hope to hear from everyone else before February, when I’ll be much busier & more tired to socialize & study Tarot. Up next, I’ll be featuring this very much overlooked spread with a reading I’ve done for a new client.