beautiful disaster much?

Another long-winding post. You've been warned.

Moon in Cancer
May 16, 2010 to May 18, 2010

You might be a little sensitive during this Moon. Unfortunately, everyone else is too. If you find yourself in deep water now, look to your intuition to get you out. The real issues are often hidden on Cancer Moon days, or dealt with sideways. People tend to circle the emotional wagons, reach for their antacids, and privately nurse their wounds. The collective unconscious is four years old and wants its mommy. Go ahead, seek nurture today. It's like that children's story where the baby bird, tumbled from its nest, quizzes all comers, "Are you my mother?" Only you're looking for the World Mother. You'll find her in a cozy place where you feel safe and loved; in a cup of tea, a mid-day retreat to your bed, or a smile from a friend. Whether or not you have issues, it's a good Moontime for sharpening your emotional intelligence. Distinguish foods that nourish (both real and symbolic) from those that bring heartburn.

Hello, Lunar return, anyone? I'd usually cry like an idiot & have my mom call me up whenever the Moon slips into this sign. But I heard from my mom much earlier & I'd like to thank her again for her uhm, thoughtfulness & generosity. It's weird how on Mother's Day my mom was the one who offered stuff to me, instead of the other way around. I feel like a 10-year-old again, especially with the way she bade me to stay indoors for the rest of the day during the national elections, for fear of us getting mauled or so amidst sudden politically-related violence, which is a common occurence in this country. The day was relatively quiet, however, so yay.

Then I was in pain earlier than expected. I had my period on the night of the New Moon in Taurus last Thursday, & I had to read for older repeat patrons at the last minute. (Funny how I was laughing with someone over Twitter how he originally thought that when I spoke of my "lunar return", it meant actual PMS. Ugh.) It was a weird night, especially during dinnertime. I got sick from my comfort food (& negative energies that flooded the al fresco area where we were seated) & a gay waiter was rude. Plus a cab driver had the gall to sexually harass me on my way home (verbally lang naman, though, thank God) just because I was wearing shorts & my toes were freshly repainted red. (But I'm always wearing shorts this season! & I've been sporting red nail polish since 2007! WTF?) I also had to deal with a few younger distressed clients over SMS even before that night, because I'm expected to be empathic 24/7, bleargh. I was so upset & drained that I had to take it out on a few unsuspecting people, my ex-fiance included. Gah. Even having the ex-fiance reappear in the scene made it all disparaging, especially with how we've been flogging dead horses, so to speak, left & right. & it's been what, nearly 3 years since we've called the whole thing off? WTH's happening?

Then I had to cancel my upcoming introductory Tarot workshop (it's been 4 years since I've held one) that was slated for last Sunday because I decided to secure a more private venue at the last minute, & I wasn't able to (until earlier yesterday, whew!) because the place had to undergo maintenance suddenly. I missed a beach trip with a few friends for this, only to have it all postponed. I also had to miss this month's Grade School for Yuppies & last weekend's Terno Inferno show. Then I had a referral complain about getting stood up by me on our last intended session. I'm really sorry, sweetheart. Super mix-up. This rarely happens to me. Maybe some other time, dear. For everybody else who are having the hardest time to meet up with me when you so desperately need to, I'm always more than happy to entertain people, but maybe you should all RELAX first before we proceed, yes? I'd like to blame the recent Mercury retrograde (that just turned direct last Tuesday, & no wonder things were crazy) then we're still dealing with Pluto + Saturn retrograde, which make things all the more painstaking. So far, I haven't had much people flake out on me yet. Goddd. Nevertheless, I'm happy to say I've survived the last Merc ret, & it was a rather wonderful time, especially with all the new people I've read for. Thank you so much, lovelies. ♥

I still feel stuck, though, especially with how our 12-year-old split-type a/c had just gone bonkers by spewing ice & leaking & refusing to cool my room. I lost the new number of the servicepeople, & when I got to retrieve it finally then called them, they haven't shown up yet. I'd wake up drenched in sweat (no thanks to the godawful summer weather here) & I'd take more than 3 baths in a day. Electric fans sometimes do me more harm than good; prolonged use only leaves me feeling pretty sick. Thank God for the cool summer night breeze we've been having lately, nevertheless. But blech. I hope the maintenance crew comes here later today.

Despite all this, I'm very happy with how blessed I still am with all I have, & I thank everyone who's been generous to & understanding of me this season. This is indeed my best summer yet. I'm also psyched out with how some of my forecasts for others are coming true wonderfully, to think they've been too skeptical to believe my readings, haha. Last night's testimonial was one of the most interesting feedback. The reading that ensued because of that, however, was the most surreal I've had in a long time.

Anyway, I'd like to take it slow, even if I'll be having a very busy week again until the workshop's over. Never mind the post before this, I'll have that updated before this month ends. I still have a room to fully declutter, but I'm so happy of my progress. I even found the last 2 missing cards from my Chinese deck, namely Justice & the 7 of Swords. Haha, don't ask. I love that deck so much, & I'm happy to be working with it again. Coincidentally, I've been musing on Kuan Yin lately, depicted as the World card in that set, & maybe She herself led me to completing my deck again. :D

True enough, in this season of Taurus, aside from decluttering & keeping my measly surroundings pretty, I've been very much itching to work on our dilapidating garden again (which has never been the same since my dad passed away 2 years ago) despite the drought, & I've been eating more bright summery stuff again, like salmon everything, tangy pasta with shrimp & pickled mango, biscottino & honey toffee + malt gelato, melon pieces on my fro-yo, cheese-flavored Kettle chips, & mango fraps. This new Dory fish sandwich's good, too, hehe. I always love the tropical summer months, even if I can't stand the heat sometimes. I haven't had this much fun in, say, the last 3 years, when I've been slaving my soul away for apparently nothing much, sadly. This year's summer season should be a reminder to myself & to the rest of you to savor Life as much as we can. Here's a lovely article I found that illustrates my point:

Twelve Tips (for Everybody) in the Season of Taurus

1) Stretch - do yoga & take breaks
2) Indulge The Natural Self - have picnics in the park with in-season fruits, dessert wines, & fine chocolates, or take naps, or walk arm-in-arm with someone at a countryside, or pick healing herbs & wildflowers
3) Enjoy Some Slow Food - enjoy home-cooked meals & at the same time feel free to experiment on new flavors, then maybe get for yourself a new apron, set of cookware, spices, or a cookbook (or two!)
4) Get Your Minerals - via organic food, supplements, or even salt baths
5) Find Your Notes - sing &/or dance
6) Plan An Abundant Harvest - grow flowers or medicinal herbs or fruit trees
7) Get Crafty - get into pottery & ceramics, brew your own beer, make your own soap, can your own stuff, bake your own bread, frame artwork, add a sculpture to the garden, pot plants, knit, arrange flowers, or mix drinks...
8) Have A Beauty Day - yay, spa parties!
9) Dress For Comfort
10) Protect Your Environment - upgrade your home security system, or IMO, invest in protective charms & cures, hehe
11) Bring Earth Into Your Home Decor - more feng shui love
12) Create A Movable Feast - LOL, enjoy sensuality at its finest, I guess

After trying so hard to figure out why I'm so drawn to Earth signs despite my being Libra, I'm happier now to realize how Venus is partly responsible for it, because she rules Taurus, too. I so lack Earth just the same, even if I have Virgo ruling my Mercury & Saturn (7th House), Capricorn ruling my Ceres & Juno (11th & 12th House), & Taurus ruling my Chiron (3rd House), which explains why I usually get more productive everytime the Moon's in that sign. (Thanks so much, Maria, for the heads-up!) Funny how all the planets in retrograde this season are in Earth signs as we speak. :/ Ooh, speaking of Venus, ironically, look at what we all ended up gawking at last Sunday night:



The flirty Venus in Gemini was peeking out of the reserved waxing Moon in Cancer, hehe, WTH. I only swiped that picture from one of my friends, though. My camera was lodged way too deep in my bag with like half a dozen of my decks in it plus other junk, so, there. Whoever took that shot, you rock.

Anyway, I hope to survive the rest of the week. I'll come back with more updates, especially schedule-wise, but for this week, I'll stick with Tuesday (which is sooo just a few hours away) & Thursday. I'll need all the sleep & last-minute preps I can get on Saturday for the workshop on the 23rd. I do hope to see you folks there if ever. & I swear I'll be getting a full-length astrological reading before my next birthday, as I pick up where I've left off with tai chi & yoga. ♥

a belated Earth Day 2010 post

So the 8 of Swords card may just simply mean 8 o' clock in the evening. :D

& the 5 of Cups can actually depict rain, especially amidst a hot summer week.

(More to follow, I'm officially stumped, no thanks to Merc-rx.)

shadowboxing

I'm not really feeling well lately, even if it has been such a fun summer for me this year. Maybe I can blame Pluto going retrograde, with all the discussions I've had with querents this week about chakra balancing, shadow work, decluttering, psychic protection via feng shui, & plain ol' metamorphosis (though always easier said than done). How apt that this all had to be amplified during Lent up to Easter week, with "rebirth" as the main theme, as per the Judgment card, & with all my lovely Aries & Taurus clients celebrating their respective birthdays. (Belated joyeux anniversaire again to Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, & Pisces!)

It's not fun at all dealing with Pluto retrograde, but it's a necessary evil. Mercury will go retrograde soon, too, this month, but I'm actually more positive about it now & I can't wait to have my room spic & span FINALLY. I can't wait to pamper myself all the more this season. To understand more about planetary retrogrades in a flash & being more patient with changes, among other things, click here.

Anyway, everytime I say "been there, done that", I'm not kidding at all. Even before my kid sister & father died, even before my long engagement ended, I've always been despondent. Inconsolably, at that. I've scribbled badly-written poetry in my youth to illustrate my depression, & here's one of them now, that I wrote in 11/01/01. Haha.

Within the silence of the cold, dark night
I can hear my heart beat
as well as the memories of my past cries
reverberate through my mind.
All I can do for this moment is to heave a sigh
And look up at the heavens for solace
But all I get is myself sitting up at the porch
with burning questions searing within my
weary soul
which I wouldn't be able to answer for, let's say,
maybe by 5 years or so...
I mourn for my hopelessness, loneliness, & failure
But at the same time bask in the gloomy moonlight
embracing my pain,
rejoicing with my shadow,
savoring the stale November air
recollecting on my thoughts
on Death.

That was written months before I got fascinated with Tarot cards & just days before I got into my last relationship. It was part of an online writing exercise & I was really devoid of ideas back then. Surprisingly, though, I wrote another bit after a few days that I think was rather cute, & it's much easier to read. Maybe because I was actually inspired when I wrote it. It was untitled for some time.

Somewhere here in the horizon
the rippling moonlit waters remind me
how lovely Life can be from a distance
at certain serene times
With the city lights aglow
below dainty stars and clouds
When the cool sea breeze blows kisses
on my weary, sleepy brow...

As I close my eyes and feel the bliss
brought upon by such contemplation
A certain warmth, stirred in with a mild chill,
surges through my self's inner depths
Up to my head

Then I look back at you, beaming —
I find myself wishing this moment would never have to end.

"Beside You"
11-04-2001
05:41 AM

For the love of God, every time I watch art, cooking, & interior decorating shows I find myself wishing I'd have the same kind of creativity that I had when I was 6-12 years old. I wrote haikus in high school to pay homage to Mother Nature, & I wrote poems & songs about meditation in college, but that was it. I give up. Oh, wait, maybe I shouldn't. But yes, please tell me if my attempts suck.

Anyway, I feel bad about having my Knight of Swords card from my Deviant Moon getting a bit soaked in water last night, as per precipitation from a cold drink on our table. My decks get "stamped" in one way or another, marking them as mine forever, but the incident still pains me. My prior querent & I were able to prevent a similar situation from happening, but I guess I got carried away during my last session. I still really have to thank my last young dreamy fellow Libra patron (& her heady gracious Aries older sister!) for being patient & confident of what I do (& also for reading this blog, thank you!) so that's fine. I actually want to thank all the new wonderful people I've met this year, & I wish you all the best. I'll always want to bless everyone, even if this movie quote keeps me in perspective:

"You can't right all the wrongs of this world by yourself."

Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame is indeed the most grim of all the films in the productions lineup, to date, but it's a perfect movie to watch during a Pluto retrograde, showcasing the dark realities of Life, & the need for upheavals. I still get a kick out of how funny the musical number "A Guy Like You" is (I like gargoyles, pang-asar + stand-up comedy, French references, & oh, look, cartomancy, there's the Ace of Hearts!) & my most favorite movie song would now have to be "God Help The Outcasts" (hooray for Mother Mary & the whole sacred feminine movement) even if it makes me cry everytime. I usually hate song-&-dance numbers in movies, thinking how cheesy they are, but I have a few things I wouldn't mind singing to, haha.

Back to the Knight of Swords & what it can illustrate at this point for all my querents, let me quote my most favorite author Christine Jette:

"The Knight indicates the need for a therapist/counselor who will focus on thinking patterns & beliefs that inhibit the healing process — stuck ways of thinking that are holding you back.

If you are into a life of busyness, this card means you need to slow down & examine what you are avoiding by keeping so busy. Focus on control of your own treatment decisions. Use your research skills to arrive at a solution that is right for you. Meditation will help you focus your thoughts, so you can listen to your heart & not your head."

Oh, well. Feel free to join me in Facebook where I seem to have more time for lately, if you wish to know more about my schedules for this month. [EDITED]: But next week, I'll be reading on Tuesday (April 13th) from 2pm-7pm & Thursday (April 15th) from 4pm-9pm. Leave a comment here if you want a session. :) ♥