Venus conjunct Saturn, Mars conjunct Pluto

Hello again. I'm back. It's the first day of the last month of the year & I want to make it count, even if I've been busy meeting new people & recovering from fatigue + stress since my last post. It's also my Venus return again, & this has yet to be the best one yet. I fell in love once more & I've never felt more alive deep down, despite feeling quite dead before & during my period. Now that my time of the month is over, I'm still having trouble bouncing back, & I keep forgetting I have sleeping pills at my disposal, but I'm glad I've been able to bond with my brother again after a long month of hardly nothing, except for some fleeting TV moments, while watching my favorite Adventure Time series & this special on Hitler on NatGeo.

I'm also getting a new Tarot deck that has been haunting me for 2 years now, also around the time of my Venus return. I'm actually very happy that I'm getting it from a loving, wise source, considering how dark the deck is, to begin with, especially when I encountered it for the first time, but it gave me such an insightful reading about myself & my future as a New Age grrl. I was supposed to have it earlier last month, but with Mercury going bonkers, I waited patiently for things to simmer down. I'm excited to get a hold of it this month. I'll let you all know what it is. My very first card from it was the 8 of Wands, & it felt wonderful seeing how that depiction was, describing my growth. I also got the Queen of Wands, who looked more like a flower child/hippie singing folk songs probably. You all know I listen to much heavier stuff at the end of the day. & then I got the 5 of Cups, reversed. My life has never been the same ever since. Then after another encounter with the same deck, this time from a different owner, I knew it was meant to be mine, too. I was described as a gorgeous Hierophant who looks more like the High Priestess, & can I just say that the Empress card looks exactly like my inner Venus (in Scorpio), only tamer & more foreboding?

Ever since the last Full Moon in Gemini, which felt more like a dark moon than anything, I've been keeping close to home, more to myself. I miss my new party friends, whom I can just hang out with openly, without being bombarded by astrology, Tarot, or dream interpretation questions, enjoying music & drinks & good food. But I'll be back. & I know I have to see my regular clients before Christmas. I'll try to schedule things for next week. The last Mercury retrograde was actually bad. I had to call off all my appointments & now for the life of me, I can't remember where I actually placed my fucking house keys. & my room's still a glorious mess. & my hair needs urgent TLC. But I'm fine. & I'm still mothering a happy smart female puppy. I have groceries to pick up in a bit, now that I'm temporarily the matriarch of my household. Ugh. I miss the beach sooo bad. But I need to take care of my home just a bit longer, so please bear with me.

Speaking of home, I'm being forced to look after my body all the more now, too. I scored a lot of pretty thingamajigs when Venus was in my sign Libra, but now that Venus is in Scorpio, I'm now on a desperate pricey move to make sure my skin clears (must end this whole blotched-face drama!) & my hair recovers. I'm exploring this whole big mall much closer to home & I daresay I'm enjoying a lot of great finds there, & I'm quite happy. I've even had my toenails repainted red, the only color (aside from black) that looks good on me & makes my feet look clean. People associate red negatively with something else, but I won't care anymore. Deal with it. It feels great to fall in love with myself & with Life all over again. October has been horrible, even early last month, when things were shaken here, no thanks to Saturn in Scorpio, but the last Venus-Saturn conjunct did prove to be magical (& sexy!) for me. I hope by the time my Venus return ends, I'll be really more of who & what I am supposed to be. I just want to lose all the weight I've gained in the last couple of years, but I'll just wait until tomorrow to get started all over again. I want more energy.

I hope all is well with you. If you have any questions about my future Tarot reading schedules within the Makati CBD, please email me at sp.lovecraft[at]gmail[dot]com anyway, so we can have things sorted out. I'd love to hear from you!

it's my blog 6th Solar return, so...

Posting for my 6th blog anniversary's overdue. Took care of a lot of things at home. Anyway, to celebrate & make up for it, I'm offering my quick Tarot readings by email again this year at a discounted price! Feel free to buy from me now while the promo's piping hot! These are good until October 30, 2012. Please wait for up to 48 hours for a response. Rest assured your order will be delivered as soon as you request. On a first-come, first-served basis. All you need to do is choose how long your reading will be, & relax, have faith.

Quick Email Tarot Reading Specials!

1-Question Email Tarot Reading $15.00 USD 2-Question Email Tarot Reading $25.00 USD 3-Question Email Tarot Reading $40.00 USD

To know more about how my email readings work, please check out my previous post & my FAQs vol. 2 section. Satisfaction guaranteed. You get to save as much as US$10 for a 3-question reading, & that's a huge deal. 

Now if you want to schedule a Tarot reading to be conducted in person, please note that I can only meet up in my designated location in Makati. Please coordinate with me via email or this blog for an appointment. :) & if by any chance you want to donate for the betterment of this blog, please let me know! Thank you in advance! Namaste! :D  

what happens when Mercury, Saturn, & the N. Node are all in Scorpio

My blog will be 6 years old on the 13th. I'm still thinking of how to celebrate it here, to thank all you readers for it. But for now, let me just give you my schedule this month, & I'm still taking a long break from reading Tarot face-to-face. Please note that I don't do Tarot readings anymore on weekends. You'll have to wait until I give the advisory via SMS. The soonest possible time is on Tuesday, October 16th, & the last open slot is 5pm-7pm. I'll still try to read again to accommodate other people before the 23rd (the following Tuesday), & then no more readings up close again from the 24th until November 4th). Remote readings are priced differently, but they can be requested within that time. Be sure to place payments before Halloween sets in, & please note I'll need some time off on November 1st with my family to commemorate our dearly departed. You should, too.

Should you wish to schedule for a Tarot reading with me, feel free to email me at sp[dot]lovecraft[at]gmail[dot]com. Email readings can be quite accurate, too, like what this man attests to, from his last missive to me a few months ago:

Hey, I just had a mind-blowing realization. That girl I asked you about - she was indeed an Aries, but at the time I had 2 Arieses lingering about. While things with that interesting Aries didn't work out, my relationship with the other Aries was progressing smoothly but I was taking it for granted because obviously my mind was set on someone else. 

Now, these are the things that are true in your reading for the 2nd Aries:

• "a lot of communication & effort is required" Yes, there has been a lot of this.

• "things improve around literally the next 3 weeks" They did, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was just going with the flow, thinking it would be cool if something came out of our thing, but I wasn't as invested in it as she was. But things were progressing like they would in any romantic relationship.

• "she might even live rather far away from you. But she delights in praise, has a soft spot for children" This is true for her.

• "may literally be surrounded with pets (& admiring eyes)." Not pets, but definitely plenty of admiring eyes.

• "She could even be musically-inclined." She is. She plays various instruments.

• "Be prepared to travel soon, then, maybe because of her. & travel may be akin to telecommunications anyway." It wasn't too soon but I do have to travel a bit to get to her.

• "her roots may be more influential than you think" I don't know about her biological roots, but her step-dad is most definitely influential.

Amazing! Anyway, I'm sorry if I seemed skeptical before. All this just came to me today and I thought I'd tell you about it. Keep up the good work!

I have to admit he was quite a bitch to read for, & he sure knows it, WTF, but I tried my best to patient & it sure paid off. All I ask for is a little bit more respect at this point, especially if I give a huge discount for readings online, which I won't be offering anytime soon. I mean, I still could, especially for my 6th blog-o-versary, but only valid until the time specified. If you want to take advantage of it, stay tuned, & let me think it through. 

BTW, my rates have changed, please note, & I still read within the Makati CBD. Off-location sessions will be charged more from now on. Please be advised. Will come up with my personal updates in a bit. ♥ 

birthday blues + Venus in Leo + Mars return

It's my Solar return soon, & I did say before on Facebook that I won't be having Tarot readings from September 21-30, as part of my birthday break on the 25th. I'll be slightly more than 3 decades old by then, even if it doesn't really show (& I'm still freaked out with how I act like I'm only 12 sometimes). Please take note. & please feel free to show me your love in any (CAVEAT: non-threatening) way! Haha. 

I'm still grateful for my most loyal clients who'd go out of their way to treat me to coffee & munchies while I read for them, or dole out presents even before my actual birthday next week. I've already received awesome spa items from The Body Shop, then I'm expecting a cupcake cookbook all the way from London. Their generosity will be ardently repaid. I believe in quid pro quo, after all, & that's the way to go. ♥  

I really haven't taken care of my wishlist yet, but it will include cookbooks from The Barefoot Contessa, an ice cream maker (yes, please, I miss having cookies-&-cream ice cream, just like what Mom used to make), a new oven along with a state-of-the-art kitchen, because my Cancer Moon in my 5th House (cusp in Gemini) demands it. Plus the repeated draws of the Queen of Wands card is denoting how my inner Venus is hellbent on becoming the next domestic goddess. Haha. Come back later. I'll even give my shipping address so you can all send me your gifts of choice! ♥ 

Anyway, check out this awesome Katy Perry remix from my new favorite local D&B producer + DJ, because I love the original track (IKR, so unlikely of me, yeah?) to begin with & I'm all for supporting local talent all the more while Neptune's in Pisces for the next few years. Kinda funny how the day before he announced he was going to remix this song, I was wondering how else it could sound differently. Et voila. So much fun. Thanks anyway, Universe! (You can catch him perform live later here.)

"I don't have to sell my soul... He's already in me."

"Anti-Lamentation" 

Regret nothing. Not the cruel novels you read
to the end just to find out who killed the cook.
Not the insipid movies that made you cry in the dark,
in spite of your intelligence, your sophistication.
Not the lover you left quivering in a hotel parking lot,
the one you beat to the punchline, the door, or the one
who left you in your red dress and shoes, the ones
that crimped your toes, don’t regret those.

Not the nights you called God names and cursed
your mother, sunk like a dog in the livingroom couch,
chewing your nails and crushed by loneliness.
You were meant to inhale those smoky nights
over a bottle of flat beer, to sweep stuck onion rings
across the dirty restaurant floor, to wear the frayed
coat with its loose buttons, its pockets full of struck matches.
You’ve walked those streets a thousand times and still
you end up here. Regret none of it, not one
of the wasted days you wanted to know nothing,
when the lights from the carnival rides
were the only stars you believed in, loving them
for their uselessness, not wanting to be saved.
You’ve traveled this far on the back of every mistake,
ridden in dark-eyed and morose but calm as a house
after the TV set has been pitched out the upstairs
window. Harmless as a broken ax. Emptied
of expectation. Relax. Don’t bother remembering
any of it. Let’s stop here, under the lit sign
on the corner, and watch all the people walk by.

- Dorianne Laux

Can't thank Lea Rose enough for this poem. Perfect for this gloomy week.

I just want to feel better, like the rest of you.

haha, gacked off MindBodyGreen

10 Things You Should Never Apologize For

By Andrea Speir

Sometimes it's good to apologize, but sometimes it's not...Here are ten things you should never apologize for:

1. Laughing from your core.

It seems to me that somehow, through life and social upbringing, we are taught not to laugh loud and hard like we did as kids. I have to say, how great does it feel when someone catches you off guard with something truly hilarious and you release that loud, from the gut laugh. It is such a rush of adrenaline to release such a raw, powerful and joyful emotion. Life is too short to be scared to laugh.

2. Loving someone with everything you’ve got.

The very first time you had a crush on someone, and they didn’t like you back, you got stung. They didn’t ask you to dance at the junior high dance. Your high school sweetheart moved away to college and you did as well. These moments all build on each other, each making the next venture in love more careful and well thought out. This can be a good thing. We learn to love wisely and for the right reasons in an attempt to avoid pain.  

The risk is we also build walls that shield us from great moments and people, loves and adventures. If we continue to view relationships as either risky or safe, how will we know if we missed out on letting our heart guide us?  

Love must be a risk, and we must never apologize to ourselves, our lovers, our family, or our friends for past trauma or emotions. Embrace them and move forward. Move into love.

3. Making time to read a book.

Literature is the one way we communicate with the past and present. We tell each other stories about our lives and the world. We give each other ways of escaping into different realities. Don’t feel like you should be doing something else or that you’re wasting time.

4. Looking at the moon and commenting on the shape and size.

You know you do it. The moon is completely majestic and amazing. It embodies wonder and beauty. We cannot fully comprehend it, and yet we can relish in the light it shines in the dark on everyone, everywhere.  

Stopping to “ooh and ahh” at a little crescent or a full, yellow moon is a moment of literally stopping to smell the roses. You are stopping to acknowledge beauty that is beyond yourself. 

5. Telling someone the truth, even when it would be easier not to.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think we all agree there are moments when not saying the truth of what is on your mind is the kinder choice. However, there is no need to feel guilty or apologetic for expressing what you truly and honestly believe. That takes courage and strength.

Be the kind of friend you would want to have.

6. Never speaking to an ex again.

It didn’t work out, and that is rough.  

No matter how good of a friend they were to you, your mind has an emotional weight on it when it comes to this person. If being friends is completely fine, I’m not saying cut someone out. However, there should be pressure for you to feel like their emotional well-being is your responsibility or keeping them in your life will be easier for your well-being.  

7. Asking questions.

Not knowing is one thing. Having the courage to say “I don’t understand” is another.

8. Trying something new.

Maybe you tried paddleboarding for the first time on your family vacation, cooking a new recipe, or took a zumba class and it wasn’t your thing.  Oh well! You tried it. The little decisions like that are what build up a courage in our everyday lives.

9. Watching the sparkles on the ocean.

In my opinion, there are few things more beautiful than the little sparkles on the tip of the ocean waves. Anytime you are around a natural beauty, stop and stare. Don’t feel bad for not talking, not looking at your phone or thinking about work. If something is beautiful, allow it to make you feel something, even if you don’t know what that something is.

10. Spoiling yourself on your birthday.

Why not? It’s your birthday! The one day a year you have to stop and think about you.  That’s not vain, no apologies for caring about yourself. Make it a tradition of celebrating yourself every year. Even if it’s as simple as buying yourself a cupcake or taking the time to go on a walk, reading a book in a park, or stopping for that tasty, chocolaty latte you crave. Love starts from within. If other people are allowed to celebrate you, it should start with you thanking yourself for being you.

Published August 30, 2012 at 11:44 AM

About Andrea Speir

Andrea Speir is a Los Angeles based Pilates instructor. She enjoys kicking butt in her Pilates studio, drinking lattes at least twice daily, and writing as a creative way to express herself and connect with others. Connect with her at:

Facebook: facebook.com/andreaspeirpilates.com

Websites: andreaspeirpilates.com and pilatesstyle.com/category/pilates-blog/andrea-speir

Tags: forgiveness, happiness, love, mindfulness, personal growth, relationships, wellness

thoughts from last night's last-minute reading

10 Suggestions for Raising Your Magnetic Resonance to Stay Aligned with Your Soul and Spirit in 2012 and Beyond:

1. Focus on your heart. The energy of your heart is 5,000 times more powerful than that of your other organs, including your brain. A strong awareness of your heart, of giving, of charity, of compassion, of empathy, will raise your magnetic resonance and guide you to the right people and places to be safe in 2012 and beyond.
2. Meditate. Focus on your spiritual eye in the center of your forehead, become aware of your breathing and inwardly chant Om. This activity will align you with your soul and Spirit and raise your personal magnetic resonance so all of your needs are fulfilled.
3. Think positive thoughts. Positive thinking raises your magnetic resonance and attracts you to – and to you – the positive outcome to which you devote your energy.
4. Visualize what you want to create – and you will electromagnetically attract the object of your visualization.
5. Pray. Your prayers for yourself and others raise your magnetic resonance and increase the magnetic field of the person you are praying for – and the planet as a whole.
6. Affirm. Affirm in your mind repeatedly throughout the day the positive reality you envision for yourself and others.
7. Give as much as you can. Charity opens the way for more abundance to come to you.
8. Practice gratitude. Gratitude opens the way for more of the quality you are thankful for to come to you.
9. Raise your magnetic resonance through physical methods – get plenty of sunshine, clean water, fresh fruits and vegetables, and feel the beneficial effects of negative ions (positive energy) from moving water, rivers, oceans, waterfalls, or even rain – God’s way of cleaning the earth to bring positive energy.
10. Simplify. Lower your expectations, especially the unrealistic ones. Focus on what is important. Let go of the rest.

Know that everything will be okay. No matter what happens, nothing will happen that you can’t handle, and nothing that isn’t supposed to come into your life can come if you live in alignment with your soul and Spirit. 

Please note this list isn't mine, but it sure did confirm a whole lot of things I've babbled about last night to a new fun Aquarian client, & what I've been babbling about the whole time to other people, even before the whole The Secret hoopla.

& yes, finally, I'm back. I'm sorry to be gone for so long. But a whole lot of things happened to me again (only this time much, much crazier) & it was fun, actually, sure, while I was partially taking a break, especially during my 10th Tarot anniversary. Happy Tarot Decade to me. Ugh.

What gets to me the most, though, is how things are becoming more exciting for me & my brother & my best friend + bodyguard, haha, especially spirituality-wise. Today marks the onset of my & my brother's Mars return (yes, in Scorpio), & my best friend's currently enjoying her Venus return (in Cancer). We hope that starting this coming weekend, especially just in time for my brother's actual Solar return this season (our respective birthdays happen next month), we could all just bond further via music & good food & esoterica, hehe. I can't believe my brother's finally becoming more of his Pisces Rising self. I think it's good, but I need to look after him more sharply, especially with Neptune possibly obscuring things for him. We already just both confirmed my role in his life, & today's discussion has been the best talk we've had in years. ♥ I love it. I love my brother very much. & I'm glad he finally understands all my intentions for the both of us + the world. I really hope that in the next 14 years or so, he'll express his full potential & carry on with his own grand mission. He's so much to share in this world, & I'm personally very proud of him. Creepy how today's talk is influenced with the Moon in the same sign, for now. & how I've been spending a whole lot of time with Aquarian Suns & Moons; as well as Piscean Suns, Moons, & Risings. WHAT THE. No thanks again to my Aquarius Rising & Cancer Moon & Scorpio Venus + Mars. 

After all my personal pain (part of all that excitement I had to go through in the last couple of months... actually, no, ever since this damned year started), I'm now ready to begin anew. I'm very thankful of all the other people in my life this year, & all them new experiences & acquisitions, & I feel very blessed, as always, even if I still know I can do so much better. Saturn in Libra's influence's damn exhausting, but thank God for Jupiter in Gemini making things much much easier to bear these days. I still pray for everybody else suffering & mourning in this world, especially with the recent tragedies my country had to face this quarter. Proceeds of my readings still go to charity, & I hope to finally haul out a lot of other things from this house that could find better use elsewhere this weekend. I'm finally letting go, & letting my inner Venus out (in Scorpio; who's been trying so desperately to come out ever since Venus was in Gemini, only to be slightly blighted by Mars in my sign Libra these past few days). Fine. SIGH.

Speaking of readings, I will be available for another Tarot readathon along the Makati CBD on Monday, 1pm-4pm. Please leave a comment in this post for an appointment with your preferred contact details & birthdays if you're interested, & please confirm at least a day before your schedule. Please also RELAX before seeing me, like I always say, & keep an open mind.

Now for those interested with my Tarot workshops, please note that my rates have changed, & I'll have to screen my new students-to-be before my next class starts. There are limited slots (only up to 10 per run), please take note. If all goes well, I could have it right within the Blue Moon weekend at the end of this month, or on September 1st (yay, my Mercury return starts by then!) Again, leave a comment in this post with your preferred contact details (& birthdays, please!) if you wish to proceed.

I'll update more later. I have to run & do more readings in person today, & I'll have to finish early to give myself more time to recharge. All these late nights + alcohol lately are taking their toll now, so I'm detoxing as much as I can. Time to focus on home improvement, yoga (yeah, I know, can't believe my last class was in 2008), more writing, & more divination, too. Just in time for the Sun in Virgo. Le sigh. Thank you so much, Scorpio Mars, for the boost. Don't forget to Like my humble Page for free quick online Tarot readings once I get 400 followers before the end of the month, as well as a free 2013 astrological guidebook duo to give away, along with a whole buncha fun stuff to raffle off! Toodles! :* 

The 21 Signs of Spiritual Awakening

I've been noticing how in 2009 I've been forced to think about my spiritual life like crazy, & Life has changed greatly since then. There's still a part of me resisting it, saying I can manage my life as humanly possible as everyone else, but I've realized (again) this month, no thanks to the last Full Moon + Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius, that I'm different now & I can't just take my life for granted anymore. Not ever. It's perplexing & disheartening & yet exciting at the same time, but I guess I've to live with it. I'm not really enjoying this phase, though, especially while Saturn's being so harsh in my sign.

& then I found this list. I can't remember exactly where, & I've been very sick ever since, & now it all makes sense. If you're feeling hypersensitive like me, & you get weird symptoms, then this could be it. But please get actual medical assistance whenever you can first, especially when you're having emotional highs & lows all the time, & feeling intensely drained physically:

 1. Changing sleep patterns: restlessness, hot feet, waking up two or three times a night.

2. Sudden waves of emotion. Crying at the drop of a hat. Feeling suddenly angry or sad with little provocation. Or inexplicably *depressed - then very happy! An emotional rollercoaster.

3. Altered eating habits, * food intolerance, allergies you never had before. Unusual food cravings.

4. Amplification of the senses - Sight: *Blurry vision, seeing shimmering objects, glittery particles, auras around people, plants, animals, and objects. You may also see geometric shapes or brilliant colors and pictures when eyes are closed.

5. Amplification of the senses - Hearing: Your ears are adjusting to new frequencies. *You may hear ringing, roaring or buzzing noises.

6. Amplification of the senses - Smell, touch, and/or taste. Food may taste better, worse or just different. You may notice smells or fragrances that others are not aware of.

7. A range of *physical manifestations: Headaches, backaches, neck pains, flu-like symptoms (this is called vibrational flu), digestive problems, muscular spasms or cramps.

8. Vivid dreams. Many dreams may be mystical or carry messages for you.

9. A desire to break free from restrictive patterns, life-draining jobs, and toxic people or situations. You want to be creative and free to be who you really are.

10. Creativity bursts: Receiving images, ideas, music, and other creative inspirations at an often overwhelming rate.

11. A perception that time is accelerating.

12. A deep yearning for meaning, purpose, spiritual connection, and revelation. Perhaps an interest in the spiritual for the first time in your life.

13. A feeling that you are somehow different, with new skills and gifts emerging, especially healing ones.

14. “Teachers” appear seemingly everywhere with perfect timing to help you on your spiritual journey.

15. Seeing things that have spiritual importance for you. Noticing how numbers appear with synchronicity. Seeing the message in everything that happens.

16. Increased integrity: You realize that it is time for you to seek and speak your truth.

17. Harmony with seasons and cycles: You are becoming more tuned to the seasons, the phases of the moon and natural cycles.

18. You are drawn to studying and working with crystals.

19. Increased intuitive abilities and altered states of consciousness: Thinking of someone and immediately hearing from them. Intensified sensitivity and knowing. Channeling Angelic energies.

20. Communication with Spirit. Contact with Angels, spirit guides, and other divine entities.

21. Living your purpose: You know you are finally doing what you came to earth for.

& this was just right after I had to question myself again, whether I'm on the right track, & I'd be able to do this for the rest of my life. & so it seems at this point.

With that said, I should devote more time & energy to self-care, even if I'm getting really sick of it. I've been indulging in copious amounts of Amaretto Sours & dark beer again, though, no thanks to all this crazy Watery energy from Mercury (in Cancer) & Neptune (in Pisces). I can't wait for the next weekend to go drinking with my Cancerian best friend again & wax philosophical with her, just before the Uranus-Pluto square. Ugh.

Now these tips look very relevant all the more this year, not just because of that upcoming planetary face-off:

• If overwhelmed and lost, begin by letting go of 'what's no longer you.'
• Don't allow social media or celebrity fixations to dilute your identity -- self-containment can be powerful now.
• Seek out those that are vibing on the new.
• Honor your individuality, including ancestral roots, sense of place, personal story.

Especially timely during a Venus-Chiron square this weekend (both are in retrograde, btw, oh, God). The Universe is devastatingly annoying lately, despite it giving me a few good breaks (albeit very much by my lonesome most of the time). But like what I've re-realized earlier this week, only when we get to really acknowledge our mortality will we be able to fully tap into our Higher Self. I just wish I could integrate the 2 more smoothly now.

Anyway, I'll be available (& objectively sane) for face-to-face readings again in the Makati CBD next week, Wednesday, June 20th, 3pm-7pm. Feel free to email me at sp.lovecraft [at] gmail [dot] com for an appointment, & please confirm a day or at least a few hours before in advance.

"What I Wish My Tarot Clients Knew"

This article is from The Tarot Lady's blog. Funny how I was cooking up my own take on this one, but I might as well repost this here, for you clients, both old & new, to understand how we do care about what we do & how we love our Tarot cards but how we have to overcome the hurdles of our day-to-day reading drudgery for others: 

I deeply care about you but I won’t attach myself to your issues.  Tarot readers are sensitive creatures.  We have to create strong boundaries in order to preserve our own inner peace.

I can’t remember your readings (I do a “reading dump” at the end of the day).  I can barely remember my grocery list. Trust me on that.

Last-minute appointments throw my mojo off.  My day is strictly planned and I don’t like surprises.  Sorry but you’ll have to wait.

A tarot reader practices a lot of self care – you should too.  You deserve it.

You don’t have to be unhappy.  You have every tool available (including therapy) to change your life.  Your future is always up to you.

There are no guarantees.  Don’t seek that from the cards or from me. The only person who can give you a guarantee on your life is you.

I can’t read for everyone. Nothing personal. Sometimes we just don’t gel.  Keep searching and you’ll find a reader who is a better fit for you.

Don’t waste your energy on past loves. The present is all that matters.  What will you do with now?  Start with loving yourself.

You must take action if you want your life to be awesome.  Sitting around waiting for your “luck” to change leads to a whole lotta nothing happening.

A tarot reading is rarely if ever 100% “accurate”.  If you are seeking 100% accuracy, that’s a mighty tall order.

When you call me for a “chat as a friend” and it ends up with you dumping on me and asking me to “toss a couple of cards” or give you “my vibe” on the situation, I feel very taken advantage of.  (This is why my phone is always off – I won’t allow this any longer.)

Everyone has their turn at the wheel.  Life is always in motion.  Don’t get angry if life doesn’t always go your way.  Roll with the punches.  This too shall pass.

If you walk in the door proclaiming that you “don’t believe in this stuff”, I don’t find it charming or funny.  It puts me on the defense and creates a hostile environment.  Would you like it if someone did that to you at your job?  Probably not.  If you don’t believe, I really don’t have any interest in proving a thing to you.

Likewise, if you choose to sit mute in the reading or wish to “test me” with trick questions, I hope you realize that you are making my work feel like an onerous chore.  Be friendly and don’t play games.  We’ll get along much better.

When the clock is off, my mojo is turned off.  And no, I don’t walk around “reading energy” or prying into other people’s auras.  It’s invasive. I like to mind my own karma.  (Oh, and that perplexed look on my face is not about you – I’m probably stewing over last night’s Mob Wives episode because that is where my brain goes when I am not working.)

Not all tarot readers are witches (I’m not one).  Nor are we all gypsies, psychics, con artists, women, pagans, crones, druids, or any of the other stereotypes you may have heard.  We come in every shape, size, color, gender, sexual orientation, background, belief system, etc.  

Tarot isn’t only for divination.  In fact, tarot originally started as a game – and it is still played as one to this day.  Tarot can also be used for creative prompts, conscious decision-making, self-development, a therapeutic tool and more.

When you ask the same question over and over to get the answer you want, my cards get rebellious and I get aggravated.  Don’t do it.  

Tarot is not “evil” nor the work of the devil.  In fact, it’s quite neutral and depends entirely on the intent of the reader and client.  Most readers want to help, not harm.

Bitter is not a good look on anyone.  Don’t be bitter – be better.

You do not have a curse on you.  If you believe that, you have taken your own personal responsibility out of your current circumstances.  If your life feels crappy, you can change it.  It’s always up to you.  As my mother said, “your life is how you make it”.

No ones gets spiritual by holding on.  Let go.

What feels so horrible and difficult right now will bring deep understanding later.  You’ll look back and see it differently.  BREATHE.  It gets better.

Your future belongs to you and is yours alone.  Focus on you.  Don’t worry about everyone else. Live fully. Be present.

In the end, you’ll realize that this was all just one big, joyful journey.  Love the life you have now because it will end one fine day.  And that’s the only future you can count on.

Now here's what *I* have to say about what she said, & what I personally have to say about being a Tarot reader:

1) I can actually remember most of your readings. But forgive me if I say I can't remember at the top of my head. Don't ask me out of the blue what was it that I said to you before, especially when I've had a long busy day doing readings, especially in person. Take responsibility. Jot down important dates & other details I give. But don't get disappointed if my timings don't happen right on the dot. My readings usually happen & manifest, but the timing could be off. So I recommend a 2-3 month-long timeframe in general, unless otherwise specified. & I have people who can attest that what I say here is true. I myself am shocked when people declare that what I've told them (& insistently warned them about, sadly) occurs vividly, right before their very eyes. I am happy, then, to be an Oracle like that.

2) I care about you but I've learned the hard way that I can't be really friends with my clients, even if I actually want to. People are still selfish, & they think just because they're paying clients, they can shrug me off or order me around. I actually can't take it when actual close friends barge in, demanding for a reading, without even asking me first how I am. & I'm hypersensitive like that, I know when your "how are you?" is mere lip service. Fuck that. I appreciate all my clients' generosity & I try as much as possible not to take advantage of that, & I always pay it forward by tipping people generously who provide service for me in turn, for starters, but I know when to draw the line. & please, I may come across as stronger & wiser than you, but I'm very much frail, too.

3) I can schedule you at the last minute, but do your part in relaxing yourself before having a session with me, or else suffer from delays & actual postponement. & please, I am not a morning person. Don't expect me to respond to your calls & text messages until around lunchtime. Sometimes I may actually text at odd hours (like 4am-6am) for schedule announcements because of my erratic body clock & operating hours, & I apologize profusely in advance, but I don't expect immediate replies, anyway. Better check this blog for schedule listings as it's much easier & less obtrusive.

4) Please give me my space when I say I'm out having a massage (very necessary purging bodywork for me) or on some far-flung place having a "vacation" (to clear my aura & recharge my decks). Don't demand me for answers when I will be back. I will get back to you ASAP (& again, just please check this blog for updated schedule listings).

5) Don't expect me to cheer you up everytime. I usually handle my readings with humor & lots of empathy, but know I'm just human, too, & with bad hair (& skin!) days, especially when I have my period. I usually recommend things that help make me sane & happy, but I understand what I like may not be your thing, but it doesn't hurt to take my word for it, yes? Try it, & see/feel for yourself. :)

6)  Indeed, there are NO guarantees. But in the last 10 years of my studying the cards & how they relate to our daily lives, I know the cards don't ever lie. What I strive for, then, is to become the most accurate reader/interpreter that I can be. But I'm not perfect. Nobody ever is. There are actually psychics out there who are astoundingly accurate, but I don't ever claim to be like them. My psychic powers are still budding, & I still really dread that "P" word, but I know when my hunches are correct. Sometimes I don't even need the cards to foresee something. But that's fucking tiring to do 24/7, & at the end of the day, I just wanna be a regular girl simply going out for rock gigs, urban art exhibits, food, cocktails, light conversation, boy-watching (wtf), & a bit of shopping (which I still hate, only mandatory), hehe, when I'm not at the beach.

7) I try to read for everyone, everytime, everywhere. But in my horrible experience, I CANNOT (& NEVER WILL ANYMORE) read for too strong personality types anymore. For crazy, desperate, shrieking women who actually should end up in a fucking psychiatric ward than allowed to be let loose in society. For fucking skeptics. For older men, & much older (past 50 y/o) women.  For the dull-witted, inarticulate profanum vulgus. For the stingy / matapobre / cheapskates. For blah corporate events. Not to be an elitist bitch, but my Mercury in Virgo in the cusp of my 7th-8th Houses has barely any patience left anymore. I love reading for precocious youngsters, from 7-18 y/o, though. With supervision & permission from their parents, of course. They make awesome company, & even if I don't wish to have my own kids ever, they make me think twice about that idea.

8) I personally have my pathetic inability to move on from the past, especially from people who've hurt me, but I'm trying my best. I still get wistful from time to time, but this Venus retrograde (which should last until around the end of June) is helping me purge everyone fucking toxic from my consciousness for once & for all. Take advantage of this time as well to do your own exorcism of your own demons/psychic vampires.

9) I share with you what I personally enjoy/indulge in/struggle to do, to let you know how even I have to manage Life by my own. I'm human, too, & I may have actually suffered way more than you. Your problems may not be as gruesome as mine, trust me. So be happy now. Be more determined to crawl out of your rut now, whatever it takes, the same way I always nearly die clawing out of mine.

10) Again, Tarot cards never lie, but don't ever expect 100% accuracy every single time. My "batting average" is at 90-95%, but don't ever bug me to give you updates on when will your fucking desires manifest as foretold. Be patient, I can only tell you that they will happen, but I can't magically pull them out like a rabbit out of a hat. For the nth time, like I always say, if that's what you're expecting me to do for you, then go find your own fucking freak show.

11) Just this month, it has disheartened me deeply that people I've become close with just barge in with offhanded demands to have me read their cards & tell them what the fuck is in store for them this year, without even asking me first how I'm holding up & if I'm actually in the fucking mood to read Tarot at that time. Punyeta. I'm not like that at all. I ask politely, or whine with warning, if ever I do need help from anyone. The only person I can ever bug (sometimes thoughtlessly) is my Virgo brother, whom I love to bits, but he's family, anyway. Though I really appreciate my Cancerian best friend who knows exactly what I'm going through & what to say to me, especially when I so least expect it, because she knows me very well, even without my ever prompting her.

12) & NO WAY WILL I EVER READ FOR FUCKING SKEPTICS ANYMORE. I RESERVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO WALK OUT OF YOU BITCHES SHOULD YOU DECLARE THAT YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS SHIT. I CAN PROVE SKEPTICS WRONG MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, TO THE POINT OF EVEN HAVING THEM ACQUIRE THEIR OWN CARDS & STUDY THE DAMNED SUBJECT, BUT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THIS SHIT & WON'T EVER TRUST ME TO SHOW YOU THE WONDERS I'VE PERSONALLY SEEN TAROT CAN OFFER, THEN DON'T WASTE MY PRECIOUS TIME. I FUCKING HAVE NO TIME NOR ENERGY ANYMORE FOR YOUR SHIT, EITHER.

13) I may just wander about like the regular girl I'm always assuming myself to be at the end of the day, but yeah, I may pick up other people's energy just like that & babble about astrological trends as if we were just talking about the weather & other trifles, but please, don't expect me to do that everytime. I try to detach & "unplug" as much as I can. Even if I may be really fond of you, but if I'm not in the mood for that, please don't force me to comply.

14) & yeah, I may be younger, more outgoing, more liberal, more profane, more colorful, more upbeat, & more outlandish than your average reader, but that doesn't mean I'm any less "authentic." I collect decks seriously & I can use all of them VERY proficiently whenever the mood arises, & I don't need to adhere to fucking stereotypes to let people know I'm a passionate, intricate, devoted Tarotist. You don't need to see me go actually goth to prove it. I have enough Scorpio/Plutonian influence to depict my "darkness" (Sun & Pluto in Libra in the 8th House, Pluto trine Ascendant, Venus {semisextile Pluto} + Mars {sextile Saturn} in Scorpio in the 9th House). Fuck off.

15)  Again, my take on Tarot is that it's art & mysticism in motion. Everything I've always been interested in (art, religion, spirituality, philosophy, psychology, subculture) is all quirkily encompassed in a box of cards. It's always a good icebreaker along like-minded folk, & an amazing tool for creative brainstorming for more left-brained, stodgy types. & again, my approach/style is lighthearted & humorous & pragmatic. You can blame my Cancer Moon in my 5th House in Gemini, & my Jupiter in Leo in my 6th House, & all my happy Sun-Mercury/Midheaven/Jupiter aspects for that.

16) I've learned the hard way to pay attention to my cards when they show me scary images, & to not insist on my desired answer, & I only beg of them to show me the truth, & ways for me to accept that truth. Again, what I've learned from them is that, if they show me something good, I find ways to make that manifest, & if not, I find ways to avoid whatever's undesirable coming my way.

17) No, I don't offer past-life regression or hypnosis. I'm still working on reselling Tarot decks locally. I work with Western-style feng shui (leading to chakra balancing via colors & crystals) & astrology, & I hope to learn Reiki soon. I also work with candles (I collect them, too, LOL; the more scented, the better!) to tap into my weaker inner Fire & Earth energy (I'm more Air & Water, & I need more structure & stability & drive now).

18) Read my existentialism repost again, please, that came before this one, & realize the importance of living your life in the present tense. Take charge of your life. Tarot readings can help, but only up to a point. Get going. Know that tempus fugit, YOLO, hehe. To quote this Rage Against The Machine song, "What better place than here? What better time than now?

19) I'm working on the really prompt delivery of my emailed readings. Please bear with me if it takes more than 7 days to do so, especially if your questions are that complex. & no, I will not rip you off, satisfaction guaranteed.

20) Please email me for inquiries & appointments at sp.lovecraft [at] gmail [dot] com, & please note that I won't be available for face-to-face readings from June 3-9. Please also be friendlier & don't just interact with me on my Facebook page for quick complimentary readings. & if you have time, please read through my older posts for other interesting snippets you might come across that could help you with your respective dilemma. :)

To quote again The Tarot Lady, "What do you want to know about tarot or tarot readers?  Or what do you wish people knew about tarot?  Post your comments and questions in the comment section below." Have a happy weekend. ♥

time to wake up

Scary music video of teh nao:




Warning: NSFW. Soul-harrowing. But hopefully enlightening just the same.

I actually get a kick out of this song, but this video shuts me up. "The world is a vampire set to drain," indeed, but with what I do, & with the more aware people I talk to, I still know & believe that there's hope for us all. Despite repeated heartbreak & disappointment. Despite hunger, poverty, torture, debauchery. Despite death.

 "Despite of my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage," but at least I know better now than I did many years before. & let me share with you this article by Alex Green (found this piece in my email & I thought it was spam, but oh, joy!) that validates everything I'm struggling for, especially whenever I'd be in a crisis & I've got no one else to turn to:

Who, exactly, are the existentialists and what do they know? Existentialism is a philosophical movement that came about in the late 19th century. It is not some abstract set of theoretical truths. Rather it is a no-nonsense philosophy that encourages you to take a hard look at your life and ask two essential questions: Who am I and how shall I live?

Its goal is to awaken us from our slumber, have us grab life by the lapels and start living authentically. Unfortunately, there is no particular school that offers a systematic account of existentialism. Its founders were fierce individualists who avoided labels, detested "isms," and refused to be lumped into any group.

So there is no grand philosophical system here. Essentially, existentialism exists at the intersection of the essays of Friedrich Nietzsche and Jean-Paul Sartre, the novels of Albert Camus and Fyodor Dostoevsky, the religious writings of Soren Kierkegaard and Paul Tillich, and the plays of Harold Pinter and even William Shakespeare (particularly Hamlet and King Lear). Clearly, existentialism is older than the term itself. The philosophy is based on six general themes:

1. Acceptance of the Absurd. Each of us drops unexpectedly into this world, in a universe where time – at least as we know it – has no beginning, space no end, and life no pre-set meaning. It is an inexplicable mystery. This realization is hardly new, of course. Ecclesiastes kicks off with the words "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. What does man gain from all his labor and toil here under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:2-3). Existentialists believe that it's only when you confront the fundamental absurdity of life that you begin to live honestly.

2. Personal Freedom. Life itself may be meaningless, but you give it meaning when you begin making important choices. These, in turn, reveal who you are. With freedom of choice, however, comes responsibility. Taking ownership of your decisions means not blaming your parents, your spouse, your teachers, or anyone else for the shape of your life. More responsibility brings greater freedom. And with it: hope.

3. Individualism. Existentialists are keenly aware that society continually pulls us toward conformity. There are immense social pressures to go along, get along, and live pretty much like everyone else. Existentialists challenge you to buck conventional wisdom, express your true nature, and follow your dream, whatever that may be.

4. Authenticity. Most people are so consumed by desire, guilt, fear, or anxiety about what other people think that they find it almost impossible to follow their true calling. However, it's only when you begin to do what you want – and not what others expect – that you begin to live authentically. But expect resistance. Institutions want to mold you. Other people want you to go on their trip. It's far easier to live unthinkingly as part of the crowd. Yet authentic individuals are in control of their own lives.

5. Passion. Being passionate and engaged is crucial. This doesn't mean acting crazy or hysterical. Quite the opposite, in fact. Existentialists believe you should devote yourself to a cause, one that you're willing to organize your life around, perhaps even die for. For Kierkegaard, that passion was the pursuit of truth. For others, it may be artistic expression, healing the sick, or building a business that employs hundreds and serves thousands. In all walks of life, you'll find that passionate men and women are more purposeful.

6. Acceptance of Death. Life is finite. Yet existentialists don't see this as a reason for pessimism. Facing death is what forces you to take life seriously, use your time wisely, and make meaningful choices. It should invigorate your life. As the character Andy puts it in The Shawshank Redemption: "Get busy living or get busy dying."

Nietzsche, the philosopher most closely associated with existentialism, refers to it as the noble ideal. Your life, he argues, is an unwritten book that only you can write. Or, he says, visualize your life as a kind of artistic project, except that you are both the sculptor and the clay. This concept runs throughout existentialist works.

Martin Heidegger counsels us to learn to "dwell poetically." Kierkegaard says, "to exist is an art." All existentialists agree that life has the meaning you choose to give it. Sartre even declared that man is "nothing else but what he makes of himself." This view is fairly widespread in the West today. But it was once considered revolutionary.

No matter how things stand in your life, you choose how to interpret your situation. You choose how to respond to it. Even if you do nothing, you still have made a choice. There is no escaping the consequences of your actions – or your inaction. This makes some people profoundly uncomfortable, of course. They don't like facing up to the world as it is. They don't want responsibility. It's easier to blame others, circumstances, or "the breaks."

Existentialism, however, is known as "the no-excuses philosophy." You may be old. You may be broke. You may be sick. But existentialists say you start from where you are and move forward.

How? By accepting responsibility and making choices.

This isn't always easy. Pursuing authenticity requires relentless self-examination. It exposes you to things about yourself that you may not want to know. It may cause discomfort or friction with others. But inauthentic lives, by comparison, are shallow, trivial, and unsatisfying. They are often marked by the dogged pursuit of material goods, social status, or the approval of others.

In many ways existentialism is a return to the roots of philosophy, a return to the ancients' concern with truth, virtue, and the art of living well. Existentialism offers a guide to the perplexed. It shows us not just how to live, but how to flourish, how to create meaning in a senseless world. Those who reject this philosophy often do so not because they don't understand it but because they can't face it. And that's unfortunate.

Existentialism provides a practical way of thinking about the world. It offers personal freedom and empowerment. It is a path to dignity and nobility. An existentialist doesn't live as though he has forever, frittering away his time and putting off until "someday" the things he really wants to do. He or she recognizes that each day, each moment, is precious and irreplaceable.

Are you an existentialist? Only you can say, of course. But perhaps you should be. Carpe diem.

I think I've wasted enough time already to realize what I'm missing. I should be in hot pursuit of what I really want now, especially that the rainy season's catching up with what I wanna do. I want to explore water sports all the more, for starters. I wasn't able to enjoy diving & snorkeling much 5 years ago during my Solar return. Maybe tomorrow will help. I want to be physically strong again for the things I used to do & love, like biking, yoga,  iceskating/rollerblading. I want to be spending my money on things that make myself & my environment look inspiring, instead on stupid hospital bills & drugs. I know I can do it. I just lost track of what I'm supposed to be doing, thinking my soul could use a break from it. I was wrong.

 Never ever lose your individuality & purpose in life, no matter what happens, no matter how distracting other things & people are. Let all those other things & people complement & enrich you,  instead of merely sidetracking you from your goals. Ask yourself what you are here for & why do you need to fulfill that raison d' etre. I know what I'm here for. 

"so if you really love me, come on & let it show."

I feel like a huge mess lately. Blame it on Saturn retrograde in my 1st House, maybe, or Uranus in my 7th, or Mars in my natal 8th & solar 12th (horrors). But I resolve to be a much better person & just focus on my tasks at hand. & never again will I have to spend a cent on hospital fees. Fuck that. & I'll just re-read this classic book that never ceases to amaze me. 

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, & you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." 

I'm actually walking on eggshells now. Whenever I'm upset in love, I get VERY inconsolable. I try my best to see the best in the situation everytime & I've already given it much thought & deliberation. I know there's still so much more I've yet to re-learn about love, & for that, I pray for my sanity. 

"Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love & must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt & be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
& to bleed willingly & joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
& give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour & meditate love's ecstasy;            

To return home at eventide with gratitude;             
& then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart  

& a song of praise upon your lips."

 Honestly, I don't even know whether or not what I'm feeling now is really love. There's still a part of me that's freaked out with trusting a person wholeheartedly with my life, especially knowing that this person is also treading carefully in this path, showing he's still not really sure of me, either. I don't know what to do anymore except have more faith in myself, in him, & in the signs presented to me by the Universe since my breakup, especially during my last Tarot workshop in October as well as our quick reading swap during The Collective Art Fair last February. I could be just deluding myself, but getting the 10 of Cups, the King of Pentacles, & the Ace of Wands today to signify where this is all headed is a relief. I just don't want to get ahead of myself, & I could just be dreading the next Venus retrograde commencing in a few days. & I'd rather get the real score from the person in question.  

I don't even know the point of this post. I think I'm just bothered with how I'm spending the rest of my time on a day-to-day basis. I still have so much work to do, & I'm on it. I just hope I see results soon. Not to be conditional, but, as much as I would love to express my feelings unabashedly no matter what, I feel like I deserve so much more now, especially with what I've gone through. 

I'll be trying to clear my head today with my brother instead. He's still the most important guy in my life, after all, especially now with my dad gone, even if I don't feel so much like being a responsible big sister now. 

feeling like A Sacerdotisa

I really have to quote this new client after meeting her earlier this week. I'm very happy for what she said & for how she made me feel when I met her. Like I keep saying, Capricorn girls are sometimes the coolest bunch, even if I have to talk to them with much conviction to the point of debate, hehe: 
  

"Thanks so much for yesterday! I've been smiling & feeling lighter 'cause the things you said are what I've always wanted (travel, love, stability). I think the reading alone has liberated me from my (issues)! I'm so excited & happy! Really, thanks. I haven't been this happy in 7 years! What you gave me (good juju, hope) is priceless."

  
Who wouldn't be floored with that? :D Thank you so much, Maggie. I really pray my predictions for you become true. But don't be afraid to take the first few steps in manifesting them! ;)

 I want more positive-thinking, open-minded people to talk to. I can't thank my new soul sister Bel enough (Aquarius Sun, Cancer Moon, Pisces Rising) for everything, really. Honestly, I can't thank all these amazing young people enough for the support & inspiration they're giving me. I really hope I make them all feel the same way. 

Anyway, a few friends are coming up with a 4-woman art exhibit in June, focusing on mythological goddesses. One's producing a collection of her interpretation of death goddesses, another of war, another of Greco-Roman in general, & my oldest/earliest acquaintance among them is coming up with a miscellany of Philippine female anitos, AFAIK. I'm excited to see that come to life, & I wish them all the best. Then, lo, & behold, I was reminded of my ever dearest Goddess earlier this week when someone gave me a memento of Our Lady of Lourdes. It was a sweet gesture, & I really don't appreciate religious tokens anymore, thinking they're the most cliche sometimes, but this one made a difference. I was reminded of who I really am to begin with, & what I am set to do in this world. & then I missed my dad again. :(

But just the same, I'm really for all this wonderful feminine energy I'm surrounded with, & I really hope I can tap into my artistic self again, especially with this event later tonight at a new favorite haunt, at the closing of this fantastic 2-week-long art exhibit:

RSVP here.

Congratulations again, Katrina, for the awesome offering! The opening was super-fun & I hope to make it later again tonight! I also hope you find the balance that you're striving for, as well as true happiness in love. ;) 

& all of these thoughts are exactly reminiscent of how I "lost" my High Priestess card from my Dream Enchantress deck earlier this month. This archetype, the representation of Our Lady in Catholic faith, among other goddesses, is reminding me of my chosen path. No thanks to Saturn conjunct my Sun, trine my Ascendant, I guess I have to be who & what I am called to be, by offering insights based on what I know & feel to my utmost extent.

Among all the cards in the deck, as well as all the other depictions of the High Priestess that I know, this one seems quite underwhelming, but imagine my delight when I found it again, & I was begging Her to come back to my while picturing this card again in my hands. Exactly as I was visualizing it to be in my hand, she came out while I was reading for a new older Gemini client, who presented other things for me to mull over about myself & the world, like how are we supposed to free up more space in our lives for love, & how to accentuate our strengths without driving other people away. With what this illustration of La Gran Sacerdotisa is showing, I should just learn how to stay still at other times & concentrate on my tasks at hand, & not run away from myself. At this point in my life, I may still look like as underwhelming as she is, but I should understand that it has been my choice, & I can always veer away from that, living up to my natal Jupiter in Leo, like how I'm supposed to be 2 years ago. I should just be braver & more open to possibilities, & rest assured that I'm not entirely alone in this journey. Everything is unfolding as it should be, despite a few slip-ups, & I should be happy that I'm right on track. The same way this deck found its way to me 2 years ago, & earlier this year.

& I hope that the current beau du jour is in my life for the same reason as all these other influences are. Thank you for cheering me up lately, baby. I really wish we could work things out. ♥ ♥ ♥  

"Escape is never the safest path..." but honestly, what is?

Had a most surreal Good Friday when I had another reading that bordered on the supernatural/paranormal/occult, using my new Revelations Tarot deck. (Of all decks, it had to be that.) It made me re-think what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life, what I need to do with my Scorpio/Plutonian influences, & why I studied Tarot in the first place (ah, yes, to unlock the secrets of the Universe: 1) who am I?, 2) why am I here?, 3) when will I die?, 4) where am I headed?, 5) when will the world end?). Reading on a Good Friday + Full Moon is a most heady + bizarre + cathartic + cataclysmic experience. Especially while being powered by hazelnut soy cafe mocha, haha. & I spent the rest of my day doing readings, even remotely. I'm still wrapping my overdue email, though. I hope to be finished within the day.

I then had a dream about the Grim Reaper yesterday, who looked more like the figure in the Death card from my Morgan-Greer deck (& I'd rather not post images of cards like that, lest I'd attract their energy in my life), when I finally managed to doze off. There were grim songs playing, but songs I didn't mind hearing on loop, like probably Type O Negative's Love You To Death & tracks from Marilyn Manson. I could barely remember what was that main song buzzing in my head until I looked this up: **WARNING: NSFW**



& then it hit me. How could I forget this when this was one of the songs I personally liked because I could relate to it. I liked this & Korn's "Kick The PA" from the Spawn movie soundtrack, but I didn't expect this music video to be that grotesque + stylish. Haha. Emphasis on stylish! Very controversial, kinda relevant, with them goth Jesus & Mary depictions, just in time for the season. Lady Gaga won't ever be this captivating, I swear. :P

But yeah, this song has killer lines I feel like I myself would've written:

"Oh, Mary, to be this young is oh-so scary."

or

"You never said forever could hurt like this."

& of course,

"I wanna live, I wanna love, but it's a long hard road out of hell."

& I really didn't want to live anymore around that time, a few years before I stumbled upon Tarot. Tarot encompassed everything I really like: psychology, art, religion = mysticism = spirituality, & it helped me incorporate my penchant for astrology with my daily life, even if it had to take me 2 major tragedies in the family to accept what I already have in my possession. Everything I prayed for when I was younger (wisdom, strength, grace, all for peace of mind & stability's sake) finally manifested in my deck of cards (& a whole buncha other decks). I still am fumbling through it, even after 10 years of studying it & waiting with bated breath to get validation for my readings, but I believe now, more than ever, that it's meant to be, especially with how creepy it is all of a sudden for me to check back on my Midheaven (IC). This was from my sample Career Advice astrology report from Tarot.com:

Neptune in 10th house

You tend to have high aspirations and spiritual goals for your life. You enjoy helping others and are very idealistic. Whatever you achieve in your life will come from your own efforts without the help of your family. You are very sensitive to the feelings of the people around you and could be a very good diplomat. Chemistry and liquids could be related to your job or profession. You could experience great confusion when trying to choose your vocation, and may have some changes in your professional life. You will have to learn to be more decisive and consistent, leaving all your fantasies and doubts behind.

Ruler of 10th house ( Jupiter ) in 6th House

Your professional success is related to your ideas on service, & your ability to produce changes or transformations in yourself as well as others. No matter what profession you choose, it will be more gratifying for you if you feel that you are helping others. This astrological position favors professions linked to medicine, therapy or nutrition. If you do not have a career, you are likely to work in a company that provides some kind of service.

So yeah, I think I'm a bit happier now with where I am, though I'm still looking for more satisfaction & structure. & I most certainly can use more ideas on what to do with the rest of my life, aside from water sports, photography, cooking, yoga, crystal/color healing, & writing.

I think the point of me posting all this is I've re-realized what my role is as a reader. Regardless of what my seekers choose to do, all I can do is sadly be as objective as I can be, even if I personally negate their life choices. I can only present all the options available to them, but whether or not they choose world annihilation or world peace, I cannot really put a stop to it, not just yet. As much as it pains me that I'm like creating monsters along the way, I should remind myself that they already came to me with their plans fermenting within themselves. I can only shed light to those plans; help them acknowledge their Shadow. Whether or not they deviate from their paths at the last time after getting a reading, that's all up to them. Tarot can only help us become more responsible for ourselves, but it's still up us to actually do it. I am only like a lighthouse at some dock at the end of the day. They can't say I didn't warn them, however. I've already done my part, & I really should detach from my readings.

All I pray for now is for everyone to make the best decisions as much as possible that can help save this dying world, & stick with those. For now I'm truly grateful for the gift of divination bestowed upon me, & I acknowledge a Higher Power at work, that I am not at all omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient. We are all free to live our lives the way we want to, but we should know that we still have our respective roles to play & duties to fulfill.

Oh, I haven't really decided upon my favorite card yet from the Revelations deck. Maybe the Star, because she's pretty especially when upright, & you can never really go wrong even with it reversed. Somehow I regret buying this deck, but I believe it has its purpose, too, especially with my complicated, contradictory Libra nature. :)



& maybe the Star would be the most apt, especially in validating my chosen "line of work" du jour, especially upon hearing this prayer over some FM radio station on my way home after that most crucial reading, "Make me a channel of hope & blessings." I really hope I get to become so despite myself, & that my own journey from that long hard road out of Hell would serve as an inspiration to others clawing their way out as well. Have a sacred weekend.