Saturday, April 07, 2012

"Escape is never the safest path..." but honestly, what is?

Had a most surreal Good Friday when I had another reading that bordered on the supernatural/paranormal/occult, using my new Revelations Tarot deck. (Of all decks, it had to be that.) It made me re-think what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life, what I need to do with my Scorpio/Plutonian influences, & why I studied Tarot in the first place (ah, yes, to unlock the secrets of the Universe: 1) who am I?, 2) why am I here?, 3) when will I die?, 4) where am I headed?, 5) when will the world end?). Reading on a Good Friday + Full Moon is a most heady + bizarre + cathartic + cataclysmic experience. Especially while being powered by hazelnut soy cafe mocha, haha. & I spent the rest of my day doing readings, even remotely. I'm still wrapping my overdue email, though. I hope to be finished within the day.

I then had a dream about the Grim Reaper yesterday, who looked more like the figure in the Death card from my Morgan-Greer deck (& I'd rather not post images of cards like that, lest I'd attract their energy in my life), when I finally managed to doze off. There were grim songs playing, but songs I didn't mind hearing on loop, like probably Type O Negative's Love You To Death & tracks from Marilyn Manson. I could barely remember what was that main song buzzing in my head until I looked this up: **WARNING: NSFW**

& then it hit me. How could I forget this when this was one of the songs I personally liked because I could relate to it. I liked this & Korn's "Kick The PA" from the Spawn movie soundtrack, but I didn't expect this music video to be that grotesque + stylish. Haha. Emphasis on stylish! Very controversial, kinda relevant, with them goth Jesus & Mary depictions, just in time for the season. Lady Gaga won't ever be this captivating, I swear. :P

But yeah, this song has killer lines I feel like I myself would've written:

"Oh, Mary, to be this young is oh-so scary."


"You never said forever could hurt like this."

& of course,

"I wanna live, I wanna love, but it's a long hard road out of hell."

& I really didn't want to live anymore around that time, a few years before I stumbled upon Tarot. Tarot encompassed everything I really like: psychology, art, religion = mysticism = spirituality, & it helped me incorporate my penchant for astrology with my daily life, even if it had to take me 2 major tragedies in the family to accept what I already have in my possession. Everything I prayed for when I was younger (wisdom, strength, grace, all for peace of mind & stability's sake) finally manifested in my deck of cards (& a whole buncha other decks). I still am fumbling through it, even after 10 years of studying it & waiting with bated breath to get validation for my readings, but I believe now, more than ever, that it's meant to be, especially with how creepy it is all of a sudden for me to check back on my Midheaven (IC). This was from my sample Career Advice astrology report from

Neptune in 10th house

You tend to have high aspirations and spiritual goals for your life. You enjoy helping others and are very idealistic. Whatever you achieve in your life will come from your own efforts without the help of your family. You are very sensitive to the feelings of the people around you and could be a very good diplomat. Chemistry and liquids could be related to your job or profession. You could experience great confusion when trying to choose your vocation, and may have some changes in your professional life. You will have to learn to be more decisive and consistent, leaving all your fantasies and doubts behind.

Ruler of 10th house ( Jupiter ) in 6th House

Your professional success is related to your ideas on service, & your ability to produce changes or transformations in yourself as well as others. No matter what profession you choose, it will be more gratifying for you if you feel that you are helping others. This astrological position favors professions linked to medicine, therapy or nutrition. If you do not have a career, you are likely to work in a company that provides some kind of service.

So yeah, I think I'm a bit happier now with where I am, though I'm still looking for more satisfaction & structure. & I most certainly can use more ideas on what to do with the rest of my life, aside from water sports, photography, cooking, yoga, crystal/color healing, & writing.

I think the point of me posting all this is I've re-realized what my role is as a reader. Regardless of what my seekers choose to do, all I can do is sadly be as objective as I can be, even if I personally negate their life choices. I can only present all the options available to them, but whether or not they choose world annihilation or world peace, I cannot really put a stop to it, not just yet. As much as it pains me that I'm like creating monsters along the way, I should remind myself that they already came to me with their plans fermenting within themselves. I can only shed light to those plans; help them acknowledge their Shadow. Whether or not they deviate from their paths at the last time after getting a reading, that's all up to them. Tarot can only help us become more responsible for ourselves, but it's still up us to actually do it. I am only like a lighthouse at some dock at the end of the day. They can't say I didn't warn them, however. I've already done my part, & I really should detach from my readings.

All I pray for now is for everyone to make the best decisions as much as possible that can help save this dying world, & stick with those. For now I'm truly grateful for the gift of divination bestowed upon me, & I acknowledge a Higher Power at work, that I am not at all omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient. We are all free to live our lives the way we want to, but we should know that we still have our respective roles to play & duties to fulfill.

Oh, I haven't really decided upon my favorite card yet from the Revelations deck. Maybe the Star, because she's pretty especially when upright, & you can never really go wrong even with it reversed. Somehow I regret buying this deck, but I believe it has its purpose, too, especially with my complicated, contradictory Libra nature. :)

& maybe the Star would be the most apt, especially in validating my chosen "line of work" du jour, especially upon hearing this prayer over some FM radio station on my way home after that most crucial reading, "Make me a channel of hope & blessings." I really hope I get to become so despite myself, & that my own journey from that long hard road out of Hell would serve as an inspiration to others clawing their way out as well. Have a sacred weekend.


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