on melancholy & the infinite sadness

Hello again. ♥ Sorry I've been gone for so long. The mad rush of trying to relax & get checkups because I was so sick last week got the best of me, & I'm still waiting for my final results, with one last consultation to go, for now. Wish me luck. I'm actually scared shit, but everything should be fine, or so I'd like to believe.

I had a wonderful time last weekend, though. I've to thank my doting mommy figures from work who went with me to the clinic while my brother was still on his way. Thanks so much. I hope you ladies were able to rest at home. I'm also very happy for my brother for keeping me company & letting me play Sunday X Magazine from his PSP (I like Ban Mido from the GetBackers! ♥) to kill time, & for bearing with my idiotic girly antics the whole afternoon, especially when I was ogling at a few pieces from Balenciaga, Vera Wang, & Omega; & while we binged on vegetarian pasta after watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine. (Yay, Daniel Henney as Agent Zero is my new onscreen crush, LOL, aside from Figaro Zeng in They Kiss Again)! Our trip back home was super sweet! I wish it were always like that every Saturday, come sundown.

But I'm still not feeling fine. I'm down in the dumps all of a sudden, especially after hearing from a couple of friends on how their lives are now, after reading for them around last month. It looks like everything was headed nowhere fast to begin with, but I know after all this, they'll rise above the ashes. Beautifully, at that. I really wish them both well. But now I can't shake off the blues, & maybe I need another lustral bath, which is, at the moment, just a long cold shower in candlelight, hehe. Interesting how I gacked this at the last minute online:

The Dictionary of Mythology, Folklore, and Symbols, Part 2, page 1026, tells us about the lustral bath:

From earliest times a method of purification and expiation, frequently attended by sacrifices. Kings take a lustral bath at coronation. Also typifies death, and a familiar incident in mythological stories is the murder of the sacred king or sun hero in his bath.

Uhm, okayyy... @_@ That just reminded me of the 3 of Swords card from the Mythic Tarot deck. That version just made the card's usual depiction more disturbing. But at least with this card per se, it only means that tensions are now finally brought out into the open, & at last, healing can be done. But it's not going to be easy.



But anyway, thanks so much for the visits, votes, inquiries, & comments. :D More, please. They always make my day. I also learned about the Alchemical Tarot because of such. Tomorrow should be an interesting time with a new client. I wouldn't know whether or not I should cringe or be amused when would-be patrons talk to me over the phone & say, "you sound quite young." Sometimes I still feel like I'm only 12 years old, seriously, but of course that was nearly 2 decades ago! :)) I hope I'd make a difference. My horoscope from a few days ago comes to mind:

Libra
Tue - 28 Apr, 2009

Even if someone else makes a change in their life, it can still affect you, and probably more than you actually realize. Allow yourself time to process and reflect.

I just hope all the changes in your lives are for the better from now on!
Yes, I care about each & everyone I come across with!

Speaking of change, I sure hope it comes my way ASAP. Let me share with you this nifty online reading I got recently from TarotReading.com, & how this one card blew me away:

For your Love reading, you have drawn the primary card: High Priestess

You may worry that you are being too judgmental, but you shouldn’t. Prefer to think of yourself as discerning, able to see things for the way they really are, able to acknowledge the reasons for your feelings of disappointment and angst. However, you must accept that people have and will continue to disappoint, fail to live up to promises and expectations. And there will always be huge amount of tedious, time-consuming due-diligence standing in the way of your goals. It is ok to bemoan the often painful, stuff of life, but don’t wallow.

The cards say things will remain frustrating for a while but real promise and success awaits you further off in the future. You must muster the strength and patience to wait for your destiny. The only way is straight through, and we are all charged with the task of learning to enjoy the process. Don’t discount the power of deep thought and internal monologue (even if it has taken the form of brooding more times than not). You are doing good work and making great strides internally. You have allowed a measure of truth to sink in and it will take some time before you can act on that knowledge. Serenity is key, now is a time to build a reserve of energy for your desires. Rest assured, the future holds many successes and the attainment of several goals.

This just wholly defined the said card for me. I can't help but think everytime that the main reason why I see her often in my spreads is that since I've defined myself to be a tarot reader, I should simply be all the more attuned to my feelings & intuition, & be more composed as a result. But sometimes I'm just a sappy girl underneath it all, & it's not funny. I wonder, though, how much longer do I have to wait, hehe. Sigh, I wish I can read my own cards more objectively.



Strangely enough, I like how the High Priestess is depicted as Eve in the El Gran Tarot Esoterico deck. She looks more vulnerable obviously than the usual High Priestess in her full naked glory, but it seems to me that she has a secret to spill (if not a whole bunch of them), & we better come closer to her to have it or so revealed. Knowledge is power. Unlocking secrets can be tempting. Knowledge can be a double-edged sword this way. Now what would you do if she showed up in front of you offering you her priceless secrets, all crystallized in that fruit that she's holding? Are you going to take a bite, or consume the fruit altogether? Or will you throw the damn thing away? Or will you give it to someone else? Oh, I'm not really a fan of blatant nudity in tarot decks, but I find her inexplicably enchanting nevertheless.

I'll come back later. There's something else I need to post. & it's about how Calendar spreads can be so 'off-key' but they actually still make sense. Take care now. Gotta run.