Saturday, September 24, 2011

love schmlove (& my struggle with asserting "healthy selfishness")

Since it's already my birthday season (Solar return) & Saturn is still in my sign Libra (which rules relationships, equality, beauty, romance, & harmony, ugh), let me go ahead & repost this article on relationships. It's been crazy how people have been getting readings about relationships wondering what went wrong & how to make things work between them & their respective partners again, but for the life of me, surprisingly, do not actually understand the dynamics of it all. I know, been there, done that. While I actually welcome my current empowered single grrl status (like I've said before, it's my Aquarius rising's fault), I want other people to realize that it does really take 2 to tango, so to speak, in a relationship. I've seen things go awry in my own family, with my own parents, to boot. I've mediated for them, as early as 15, & I'm not the eldest child, to begin with, take note. & I've rooted for either my mom (Pisces-Aries cusp) or my dad (Sagittarius) at some point. But I felt I was too young to care about their issues, anyway. The threat of them getting a separation (divorce is yet unheard of in this country, sigh) even as early as 1987 was crazy. & them telling us incessantly to be really sure of whom we'll end up with before doing anything stupid is just too much to bear, but thanks Mom & Dad, everything I need to know, I actually didn't have to hear from you both. But yeah. I've seen too much. & dysfunctional relationships drain the shit out of me everytime. My solution sans the cards? Let go until things clear between both parties, if it really can't be helped. Why stay when people cheat/stray anyway? Unfortunately, my job entails to offer proactive solutions to make things work between 2 people (*sigh* motherfucker *sigh*) & I totally hate it when people still insist on their ways, justifying their flaws & shortcomings in their relationship. I'm sorry, but why are you asking for my help again if you're not even open to the idea of helping yourself that way? I'm very busy & I've other more worthwhile things to do in my spare time, so please. Don't bother the fuck out of me if you're resisting to take your chances. Again, it's your life, after all. Have a little more faith in it, as my favorite cheeky self-help book says. & honestly, for the love of God, you can't just magically make a person come back to you without really taking a good look at yourself first & understanding what the fuck's wrong with you, while understanding as well as ACCEPTING that your paramour is a completely different person, who doesn't really think like you do. Again, men & women are hard-wired biologically to think, speak, & act differently, despite my sensitive male clients & strong-willed women patrons. So, please. & that, my dearies, is the reason why I've decided to stay single all this time. Until I find someone who soothes me with his mere presence & respects my idiosyncrasies & complements my very being with his individuality & treats me like a princess every single time especially on my bad hair days, not to mention have his friends adore me, then I'll keep myself enthralled with your relationship issues. Whatev. :/

(oh, wait, I think I already have, haha, & let's hope he asks me out very soon, ahem — but I really wouldn't mind if he doesn't yet because I'm too fucking busy for anyone else, to begin with! Gah.)

Again, these are powerful pointers to remember in making your relationships work:
1. Develop Your Own Personality
Too often we get into a relationship & lose ourselves. We stop doing those things that made us happy when we were single (hanging out with friends, reading on our own or our favorite hobbies). Instead, we spend as much time as possible for the other person. Remind yourself of who you are. If you've forgotten, get to know yourself again.

2. Be Happy
Be happy yourself. If you need someone else to make you happy, you’ll be disappointed every time. They can't read your mind & don't know your every need. Instead of relying on them for all your happiness, rely on yourself. Do what makes you happy, then you'll be happier in your relationship. Also, tell your partner about what makes you happy & ask them the same.

3. Work Together as a Team
If a couple can get along camping (in a tent, in the woods) for a weekend, then they have a strong relationship. They can cooperate to get tasks done & still find time to have fun. So split up the house chores or hire a cleaning service so you can stop arguing over who does the chores. Divide & conquer!

4. Talk About Problems!
Have you ever not talked about a problem with your partner? Have you watched your fear & anxiety increase tremendously as the problem grew in your mind? When you finally talked about it with your partner or it finally exploded, was the reality as bad as you expected? I've said it before, you’ve read it before – so instead of holding it inside, talk about it with your partner. No gossiping. No talking behind each other's back. & NO second-guessing.

5. Share Life Based on Reality
In Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice, Elizabeth's younger sister married a military man. She thought the marriage was just dreamy. In reality, the couple was forced to marry, because she had run away with the man and lived in sin. Check that you're really seeing your relationship for what it is. If you have an assumption, talk about it with your partner to get a reality check.

6. No Finger-Pointing
No matter what happens, do not point your finger at them. The old adage is that when you point one finger, three more are pointing back at you. You will have disagreements, you will not be pleased with some things your partner does, & you will lose your temper occasionally. This is normal. Blaming each other is not.

7. Honor & Respect the Person You're With
Sometimes all it takes is a moment to really look at your partner & all the things they do for you (or would do if you allowed them) & what they mean in your life. If you honored and respected your partner, you'd be amazed how differently your relationship can be. The trust that is created is amazing.

Yeah, please, remember all that, especially if you're already contemplating on breaking up for good. Now remember, a little space doesn't really hurt anyone, & I personally believe that a relationship does require breathing & thinking space from time to time. Of course, there should be trust & open communication just the same. No lying. No bullshit. No judgmental, critical, demeaning remarks just because you don't agree to what your partner wants. Maybe this song will help you realize things. "So I can wait a while, if it brings me back to you," so it croons. Funny I had to be reminded of this song by someone I really, really loved from way back, before my ex-fiance, but we were just too chicken shit to do anything about our feelings for each other. (But yeah, maybe He's Just Not That Into Me. So what. The feeling's so mutual!)

& maybe all you strong-willed, driven women should lighten up & be more in touch with your inner Venus while you're at it.

Remember that to have commitment, people should of course have strong compatibility & consistent communication. But what's more important is for the people in question to be able to compromise & cooperate whenever necessary. & no matter what happens, especially once all of those key components is exhausted, compassion should still prevail. Even after a devastating breakup. It took me 4 long years to finally have the gall to say sorry to my ex-fiance for being the girlfriend from Hell & wish ultimately for his happiness without wishing him dead like 5 minutes after.

& let me share with you this funny quote that got stuck with me throughout the years, from Jessica Zafra:
“You can not make someone love you. You can NOT be thin enough or white enough or famous enough. The choice is entirely the other person's. Then again, you might try hypnosis.”

& please remember that I will not be doing any readings starting today until Wednesday, September 28th. I can do a 3pm-7pm thingamajig but that's it. Remote readings will have to wait until the following day. PLEASE, HAVE MERCY. It's my birthday weekend & I'm still getting the house + garden fixed, & I'm despicably sunburned. Text me beforehand should you want to be scheduled for Wednesday onwards: (+63) 0920-433-5420. Please note that I might be in the middle of a reading session so if you call, I might not be able to pick up immediately. Text me FIRST before calling. I'm adamantly sticking to my schedules but I want to accommodate everyone as much as I can this month. Meaning, I'd rather read on these particular days at MY preferred places so, please, I beg of you. (House calls will have extra charge, up to double my standard rate, depending on location & weather conditions. For now, I can only accommodate requests within the Makati CBD. For more information how I do my readings, please read the updated 2nd FAQ.)

& to throw in my number one PET PEEVE du jour:
"Asking the same or similar questions multiple times indicates that you aren't paying attention to the answers you’ve been given. Sometimes readings will be [completely useless] because people already know the answer to their question, but they don't want to admit they do, or they are hoping the answer will change."

Thank you for reading this verbose seething-with-indignation post, & forever trusting me with your myriad issues. Now excuse me while I try to get my life back. It's been a grueling week, & all I've ever been doing is fuming about it. Happy fucking birthday to me tomorrow. Nothing — & NO ONE — will get in the way of this. It's been a wonderful 3 decades, Universe. I'm very happy about how things are working out for me. ♥ *cough*


Jordie Nilla said...

You can definitely see your expertise in the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.
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