Thursday, December 17, 2009

so much left behind

Card of the Day: The Seven of Cups
(Blurb from TarotAdvice.com)

from the Golden Tarot deck by Kat Black
Recognize that whatever you Will is yours for the claiming. First, however, you need to be able to identify it at its finest point. Break it down to the bottom line so that you can answer truthfully what it is you really want. Watch for unusually vivid dreams, visions or signs that might leave you with a sense of deja vu. Choices are all around you, many of them tempting, certainly many of them easier than facing yourself, asking the hard questions, or making the difficult choices, but without focus, your efforts can become scattered energies, fantasy, or escapism. Don't let yourself be deceived by false promises made by others or by you. You may need to listen very patiently & quietly to your inner voice, rather than jumping onto every bandwagon or satisfying every sense or longing, hoping something will click. Once you have identified the essence of your Will, you can release your creative & innovative energies in order to make your hopes manifest.

I featured the 7 of Cups card for the first time here last year, & it still is one of the most frequent cards showing up in all my readings for other people. I get more concrete cards for myself now, so whenever this shows up in my personal readings, I kinda panic. But it's always nice to be reminded to focus & be more assertive with my choices. Last year's affirmation's lovely to think about each & every time. Tarot.com says it best with,
"Among the many options, choose the one closest to your heart."
It's a good time, after all, to rehash our wishlists during the time of the New Moon, or even the Full Moon. The New Moon was recently in Sagittarius, the sign of expansiveness, generosity, & innovation, with that trademark philosophical approach. The Moon's in Capricorn again now, though, that's why I'm getting a bit of work done here, despite my severe back pains since last week, which I'll probably most attribute to my heavy period this week. :( I'm just so glad I'm right on schedule from last month, though. It's hard to be missing a cycle again.

Anyway, it was my dad's supposed 62nd birthday last Monday, if he were still alive. This is the 2nd time we've commemorated his birthday, which is rather sad, considering the last time he celebrated it, it was a rather somber time. He was alone at home when I got back from work. On my way home I spent whatever was left of my money to buy him a rather simple cake & a couple of tubs of ice cream (he didn't really like anything chocolatey, so I got him something special for his own consumption), & I'm glad up to this very day that I did so, because nobody else seemed to have remembered. :( My mom was in the US, taking care of their residency before my brother & I could follow suit. I'm not sure if I did make him happy, because my parents are hard to please like that, but he thanked me graciously for the gesture. I still feel sorry for myself that it was all I could do for the man who would give me more than expected when I ask, who supported me all the way in terms of finance & moral support when he could, & who was there for me when nobody else was, to think he was more often than not absent because of his occupation. Our family's rather dysfunctional, you see, & we're not at all that touchy-feely. But after he recovered from his coma just before his 60th birthday, I made up for it by kissing him on the cheek every time I came home from or had to leave for work. I do have warm memories of my childhood having him kiss us when he came home from work & us doing that quintessential Filipino "Mano Po" with much gusto. Up to this very day, he would be the only person I could grant that gesture with ease. He would be the only person ever that deserve that from me. I still have fond memories of him, which I should be writing on a separate entry altogether, which I also have partly posted in this entry. I miss him, & how he always prayed for my safety & well-being. I also miss how we'd have awesome seafood dinners on his birthday. One of my fondest memories of him was how he left a huge de-shelled crab for me & some huge buttered prawns with yummy yang zhou chao fan, among other stuff, for lunch one fine albeit lonely Sunday, more than a decade ago. I woke up alone at home, & everybody was gone, as they went out. But lo, & behold, there was food on the table, though wrapped. I hate eating alone, but that was one of the best meals I've ever had. My dad would always de-shell huge-ass crabs for me whenever we'd eat together, you see. His thoughtfulness is unparalleled, but lately I'm so happy for my Virgo brother who's demonstrating the same kind of sweetness for his ditzy older Libra sister.

The whole point of that was to illustrate how Sagittarians love. They may hardly say they love you, but they do show you that they actually do, & how much even. My dad would always tell me that he loves me & the rest of my family, though, but not in a gushing, mushy way. Not in a standoffish way, either. My Piscean mom even complained when we grew older how he wasn't too vocal with his feelings or over-the-top romantic enough for her taste. But we all know how much he loved her by how he gave her everything he had & how he was patient with her, & how he held on to us. For me, that was more than enough. Or maybe because I really didn't expect much from my father, until it all was dawning upon me how he much he really cared. Yeah, I love the way he called me & my kid sister (R.I.P.) his princesses when we were younger. He'd pick us up or drive us to anywhere we might need to be at the moment. He used to drive me to school a lot in high school, even if he resented driving, haha, considering how he was used to having drivers from his line of work (& that he'd rather fly planes than endure traffic jams on land!) & one time it was priceless how he picked me & my kid sister up from the last full show of the first Lord of the Rings movie! We snuck out to the neighborhood mall, & then he & my mom were texting us about our whereabouts like crazy, & voila!

My high school best friend Cres who gave me my latest tarot decks is also a sweet, down-to-earth, humorous Sagittarius. I wish you a belated happy birthday, & I hope to see you again soon! I remember being somewhat resentful how you & Jean were much closer, haha, but thanks to astrology, I really shouldn't wonder anymore. Jean is a hilarious, on-the-go Aries, after all. Signs under the same element (in this case, Fire) thrive more wonderfully together.

With that said, I'm not sure if I'll ever be comfortable dating a Sagittarian, because that would remind me of my dad too much, & sometimes Sagittarius is too gauche & pushy & stubborn & fastidious (can you believe that?) for Libra, but let's see. Sigh.

As I write this, I have Down's "Bury Me in Smoke" (Corrosion of Conformity + Pantera + Crowbar + EyeHateGod) looping in the background, even if I took the title of this post from Corrosion of Conformity's "So Much Left Behind" track. In a way, I'm reminded of my dad because he smoked so much, haha, & well, he's gone now. :( Down's Nola album was an important album in my life, especially with "Stone The Crow." Yeah, I'm a big fan of Corrosion of Conformity, & I still have "Drowning in a Daydream" & "Albatross" in HEAVY rotation in my iPod. If you've been following my blog for some time now, you shouldn't be shocked that I actually listen to heavy metal. Not as much anymore as I used to ever since I coupled up with the ex-fiance (Love does strange things to people sometimes, gah) but, yeah. My Moon in Cancer leaves me hopelessly stuck to my oldskool choices & lovingly sordid memories of my wretched youth (with the best music ever), so there. Oh, & to Phil Anselmo of Pantera/Down fame, who's Cancerian, if I got that right, haha. Anyway, I'm just happy to be getting in touch with my past again.

So what else am I into? I'm trying to be more thankful for what I have via GratitudeLog.com. You should try doing so, too. It's nice how I got into it on Thanksgiving per se. Let's all be more grateful for what we have every single time!

I also signed up for Formspring, & you can ask me anything. I actually dread that idea, but oh, what the heck, haha.

Again, my last time to read Tarot on Saturdays would be this coming December 19th, from 12nn-8pm, depending on requests, even if I'm sick as hell, so yeah, let me know. I think I really need the break now more than ever, especially that I still have stuff to give away here! :D My next Tarot weekend should be on February 6, 2010, just in time for the Year of the Metal Tiger, if I'd make it alive by then, haha. I still might read on Christmas & New Year's Day, starting 11am (until 4pm at the most) by insistent request, which should both be on a Friday. For inquiries, email me at sp [dot] lovecraft [at] gmail [dot] com. You can also check out the official fan page on Facebook. I promise to give specials to fans & followers... thus, the hiatus. Must catch up. Yeah, can't afford to have so much left behind. *cough*

I also would like to devote time to my budding local organic enterprise, haha, before proceeding. My cards could use a vacation, too, even if my oldest deck's actually begging for attention lately. They're just as exhausted as I am, & setting them aside to recharge isn't only standard practice, but also my way of showing how grateful I am to have them enrich my life. That means, I have to fully declutter before the New Year to make sure they're chilling out nicely in my room, haha.

So what about you? What are you going to do to prepare for the upcoming retrogrades (Mars & Mercury) & for the next Full Moon (there should be an eclipse, yikes, in Cancer)? Whatever you decide upon, don't forget to thank your lucky stars, show your parents (especially your dad) some love, shower your kids + grandkids + godkids with thoughtful + worthwhile surprises, & allow yourself enough time to regroup amidst the Yuletide craziness.

Happy Holidays! ♥

1 comments:

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